Angel Rios is our lively tips and trixxx maven at Adult FriendFinder.
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I’m the type of girl who’s always down for the occasional roll in the hay, or sand or snow – whatever happens to be around. But some people may require an extra “nudge” in the right direction every now and then. Take, for instance, my fuck buddy from payroll, Tom.
Dear Dr. Z,
I’ve always loved masturbation, but lately I have been losing control. I have been caught by my secretary masturbating at work, which may have had something to do with her quitting her job soon thereafter. If I see a beautiful woman on the street, I will often follow her while rubbing myself. And lately I have been masturbating in my brand-new Porsche, at stop signs or while parked at the mall. So far the reaction of the women who have seen me playing with myself has been encouraging – a few have even smiled – which has led me to want to do it more. I do realize that this may get me in trouble, so what should I do? Should I see a sex therapist?
A reader asks:
I recently made a ginormous mistake by cheating on my girlfriend. It was a one-time lapse and really didn’t mean anything. I don’t want things to blow up, but there’s a slight chance that she might find out. Should I tell her my side before she hears it from someone else, or should I take a chance and hope I can get away with it?
Dr. Z answers:
If your indiscretion happened with a stranger on a business trip in a faraway city to which you traveled alone, that’s one kind of “slight chance.”
A reader asks:
Can a woman become a squirter? If so, how can this be brought about? Are there exercises that should be performed, a diet, specific stimulation? Or, if she were capable, would she have been able to do it already?
Dr. Z answers:
Most sex educators are pretty quiet on the subject of squirting. That’s because a lot of people still don’t believe that female ejaculation is real. Some insist that female ejaculation is no more than a loss of bladder control during orgasm, and that what squirts out is just plain urine. Indeed, to a casual observer, a woman squirting looks a lot like a woman peeing.
Having read up on the science and thought about this for many years, I accept the fundamentals of female ejaculation. A woman’s urethra is coddled in a gland called the urethral sponge, which some call the “female prostate,” because it’s anatomically similar to a man’s prostate gland. This female gland secretes a fluid that is chemically similar to semen, and has many tiny ducts that flow into the urethra.
When a woman “squirts,” she’s actually ejaculating through her urethra, in much the same way as a guy ejaculates through his urethra. (Of course, her spunk lacks sperm and various other ingredients of boy butter.) This female prostate gland is part of the legendary G spot. So those women who squirt tend to manage it by way of G-spot stimulation.
Numerous how-to books have been written on the subject, but in a nutshell, here’s how it’s supposed to work. First, she has to locate her G spot. It feels like a rough or ridged area on the inside wall of her vagina, near the top (when she’s lying down) or front (sitting upright), set an inch or so in from the vaginal opening. When she’s aroused, the spongy tissue becomes engorged and feels firmer to the touch.
G-spot jockeys generally say that it should be massaged with slow, firm pressure. One way to do that is to use a backward-curling “c’mere” motion with two fingers inserted in the vagina. A curved sex toy made for G-spot play could also achieve that effect.
As she responds to this stimulation and edges closer to orgasm, she might feel an urge to pee. At this point, she should not stop, but bear down and push out with her pelvic muscles as if she were trying to pee. At last, if she’s lucky, she might ejaculate.
Some female ejaculators gush great volumes of fluid. Others squirt only a little jet. And some don’t produce enough of anything to notice. Remember, it isn’t pee. Whatever the skeptics say, women who experience ejaculation insist that it’s obviously different from urination.
Some authors claim that all women can learn to ejaculate. I don’t know if that’s true. I am quite confident, however, that not all women want to learn.
Some female ejaculators say they find it empowering and ultra-erotic. Others say it’s just kind of neat. (I suspect these were the girls who excelled at gleeking in grade school.) But a great many more, I’m sure, could care less.
On the whole, it seems like a worthwhile project, because a woman and her partner could learn a lot about her body and how she responds sexually.
