Continue reading »]]> Tristan Taormino is the author of several sensationally sexy and informative books including Down and Dirty Sex Secrets, Pucker Up: A Hands-on Guide to Ecstatic Sex, and The Ultimate Guide to Anal Sex for Women. These days Tristan has gone into porn production, starting with the release of Tristan Taormino’s House of Ass. For details, visit Tristan’s official website, www.PuckerUp.com.

* * *

Every pussy has a story. Mine can tell countless tales of wagging tongues and a few of mouth-induced ecstasy. Like the time I shaved her completely bare, and the stroke of a tongue felt 10 times more intense. Her virgin voyage with vibration: Pocket rocket plus clit equals Yes. The auspicious occasion of her meeting two mouths at once. When her clitoral hood was pierced and, after weeks of healing, the first time she felt something flick against that tiny stainless steel barbell. She has met the mouths of mothers, masters, liars, and thieves. She’s had clothespins and metal clamps pinch her tender parts. She’s been pressed against the faces of angels and convinced she talked to the devil. She’s been around the block. She knows what she likes.

It’s no surprise to me that lots of women I’ve met rate receiving oral sex as their favorite sexual activity and the easiest way to make them come. Just as most men wouldn’t turn down a blowjob, girls will happily accept some lip-to-lip service. The tongue is a perfect tool to stimulate the clitoris – not too hard, not too soft, it can move quickly but gently. There is even a vibrator called “Tongue II,” which features a pulsating fuchsia rubber licker powered by several batteries to move back and forth with speed, precision, and no chance of getting lockjaw. Ah, technology.

The first time I had my kisser on another woman’s box, I assumed that I could just do what I thought I liked done to me. But once you’re down there, it’s a whole different story. It’s not just guys who have to learn what’s lip-licking good. Every chick’s coochie is unique and so is the way she likes it licked. Some girls like broad, firm strokes with the wide middle (instead of just the tip), where the tongue is wettest and softest. Others prefer a darting game of cat-and-mouse on or around the clit. There are flickerings in, up, and down or circular motions, and slipping inside her hole is always an option. Drawing her clit into your mouth and sucking on it is, um, an acquired taste for the suckee, so ask before you do it. I had a girlfriend who liked to have her hood pulled back so I could plant one directly on her clit; this kind of close stimulation is too much in such a sensitive place for most women but if she’s that kind of a girl, she will most likely tell you.

If you’ve watched some porn, hopefully you know not to take very many pointers from the pro’s on this subject. Why? Because in skin flicks, it’s all about showing the pussy, so performers are prompted to move their faces, and sometimes their tongues, to the side of where they really want to be. That’s why you often find yourself thinking, “What is he doing?” or “That can’t feel good; she’s nowhere near her clit.” I learned the other end of this firsthand, when filming my first adult video. In my first scene, I was trying to make magic with my mouth, and from behind the camera, John “Buttman” Stagliano barked, “Can someone explain to Tristan that when she buries her head in Ruby’s cunt, Ruby may be seriously enjoying herself, but I can’t see a goddamn thing?” I had to adapt to make a better movie, and I know my technique suffered for it!

Turning to the receiving end of the vulvic equation, I have a love-hate relationship with getting my cunt munched. In my early days, I was wholly unimpressed, but I guess 17-year-old guys haven’t exactly mastered the skill yet (and I hadn’t mastered the skill of mastering and showing them precisely what I want, either). I admit that there have been recent occasions when someone’s face was between my legs and I felt like there was a bumper sticker on my forehead that read, “I’d rather be stuck in traffic on the Brooklyn Bridge.” In these moments, it’s not that it feels bad; it just feels too tame and does little to get my juices flowing or make my breath catch. When it’s good, it is divine. Add a finger or two and I am over the moon, legs shaking, the whole bit. But I’ve got a picky puss, and it’s tough to impress her.

As a dyke who plays on all teams, I’ve gone to bed with many straight men who, knowing my queer experience, think they have something to prove. More than once, I’ve had a guy go down like he’s attempting to break some kind of record. He assumes that because I have sex with women, I’ve probably gotten some of the best head of my life – he’s right – and he’s there to prove that he can muff dive with the big girls. He’ll risk neck strain, tongue sprain, and repetitive stress injuries he’ll have to explain to his doctor to make sure I get it good. While I applaud that kind of ambition and tenacity, sometimes I want to gently tug on his hair and say, “No, really, it’s OK, let’s just skip this part.”

Listen, dudes (and dudettes): it’s not about gender or sexual orientation. For me, there are several key ingredients to top-notch cunnilingus. First, shave your face; pussy is delicate! Put everything you’ve got into it: you’re not being x-rayed and nothing says that your head must remain stationary at all times or you can’t put your whole face into the job. Speaking of which, there is one thing that, for me, separates the skippers from the captains: the nose. Some of the most orgasmic pussy licking I’ve ever received has featured the nose very prominently (and, if you have a rather prominent nose, even better!). I’m someone who likes more pressure, less flutter, and nose really does the trick. I also appreciate someone who explores every angle, technique, and intensity level, but you’ve got to know when to settle down, commit to a style, and work it till I scream. While this girl is happy to hand out A’s for effort, effort alone won’t cut it; I want to feel enthusiasm and devotion on the tip of your tongue. Literally. Make me believe that this is the last and best meal you will ever have on earth – it may well be.

Continue reading »]]>

Angel Rios is our lively tips and trixxx maven at Adult FriendFinder.

I’m the type of girl who’s always down for the occasional roll in the hay, or sand or snow — whatever happens to be around. But some people may require an extra “nudge” in the right direction every now and then. Take, for instance Tom, my fuck buddy from payroll. He’s probably the sexiest guy in the whole company: great tan, six pack abs and full pouty lips he uses in all the right ways. Two sexy people hooking up in the bathroom at work is nothing out of the ordinary, at least not in my world, but it’s more than just coincidence that one minute Tom is busily working at his desk, and the next he is overcome with the urge to slide his hand up my skirt.

I like to think the reason for his sudden urges is a little secret weapon I like to call the modern day aphrodisiac. (Well, I also like to think flaunting my DD’s every chance I get helps). Only in Webster’s dictionary is the aphrodisiac a little stiff — “an agent that arouses or is held to arouse sexual desire” — but generally, the aphrodisiac is all about making others stiff, and it must be doing something right. These tricks, on my short list coming up, have been used for centuries to enhance sex drive. Montezuma supposedly drank goblets full of chocolate to keep his libido ablaze. It was and still is an old wives tale that cacao, the bean used to make chocolate, gets people in the mood for some action.

Scientists have proven that there is something to the tale, because chocolate contains a chemical called phenyl ethylamine, which emulates our body’s own endorphins to give us a feeling of excitement and euphoria. So why shouldn’t it help someone along on the road to horny, given the right circumstances (like, say, a voluptuous co-worker gliding in front of your desk)? And Tom thinks I’m just being nice when I offer him the “extra” chocolate croissant the guy at Starbucks put in my bag this morning. Share the love, I say!

I know what you’re thinking: chocolate is the oldest trick in the book. That’s why everyone gives it on Valentines Day, right? Well, here are a few less obvious suggestions you may not have thought of:

Pumpkin and Lavender: I know it sounds strange, but this combination has also been supported by scientific testing. Some research has found increased blood flow to the male genitals when this concoction is smelled or eaten. Since it’s the holiday season, why not use your baking skills to help you get a little action. Try finding a good recipe for pumpkin tarts, then just add a pinch of lavender (find it in the herb section at the supermarket) into the mix, as well as on top, for some extra aromatics. Remember, just a little or the scent will be too strong! When it comes to sexy subterfuge, subtlety is all. By adding zest to the traditional pumpkin pie recipe, you can enjoy all that “gratitude” for the pumpkin without reminding him of Thanksgiving at Grandma’s house. (Let’s face it, if the thought of hearing about Uncle Larry’s bladder problems over mashed potatoes and gravy gives him a boner, what he needs is therapy, not sex!)

Black Licorice: While looking to see what stealth tactics other adventurers might use, I found a really great article on Medicinenet.com which suggests the smell and taste of black licorice. They claim it really sets the ladies on fire because it increases blood flow to the vagina, getting them all nice and warmed up for ya! Next time you take in a movie, skip the popcorn and go straight for the Good n’ Plenty, and maybe she’ll be up for a little “play time” afterwards. Since I couldn’t get over the fact that I can’t stand black licorice in order to become the lovely test girl for this theory, I’ll have to take the experts’ word for it. But if you try this trick, report back in the “Comments” and let us know how it worked out!

Strawberries: They look sexy and you can draw attention to your lips while eating them. But did you know that strawberries not only increase blood flow to all the right areas, but the scent makes men think about sex? When I have a “friend” over and want to take his attention away from the TV, I whip up some chocolate dipped strawberries, then take a syringe and inject some white wine or champagne into them for a little extra oomph. It takes no more than 15 minutes to do, and this technique hasn’t failed me yet!

Wine: OK, so it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out booze makes people want to have sex. But if you’re looking for an all-night sex fest as opposed to a drunken five minute romp, limit yourself to two or three glasses MAX! It’s just enough to get you both warmed up and relaxed, without you falling off the couch or bed and making an ass out of yourself while trying your best moves.

Vanilla: This is another comforting scent, and according to another great website, gourmetsleuth.com, that friendly scent of vanilla increases feelings of lust! Vanilla is easy to find in many delicious treats, so just stick with the ones you personally find sexy. If licking on an ice cream cone sounds hot to you, then maybe a trip to Coldstone is in order on the way back to your place! Or, try some good ol’ scented candles when you get there. I found a vanilla birthday cake-scented candle at Target, a scent that several websites claim men love, and now I constantly have male co-workers hovering over my desk, telling me it smells like cake and ice cream. I guess the saying is true: the way to a man’s hard is through his stomach.

Honey: Honey is obviously sexy in its appearance and texture. That sultry shade of amber and sticky sweetness in all the right ways makes honey a lickable treat, especially when its drizzled atop a pair of soft breasts or washboard abs. But did you know that in ancient Egypt, honey was put in food and drinks to set the mood? That’s how we got the term “Honeymoon.” To get that same effect without the old ball and chain (or with them, whatever!), try drizzling apple slices with honey for a low-effort sweet treat. Or, for an extra lusty libation, go for some honey wine! (www.HoneyWine.com)

Cologne: Tickle a woman’s sense of smell with some good, fresh smelling cologne (NOT cheap cologne or anything spicy that will burn the inside of her nose, please!). I know this sounds like a cliché but I swear it works! For me, there’s just something about a guy that smells good that makes me wanna rip his clothes off with my teeth. Tom from Payroll wears Cool Water, and every time I caress his neck with my lips I catch a whiff and it drives me crazy! Hugo Boss, Aqua de Gio and Ralph Lauren Blue are also good ones to try.

Just know that everyone is different, so if one of these suggestions doesn’t work for you, don’t get discouraged. Do some experimenting of your own with these items and have fun with it. And if you find something real hot, then let us know in the “Comments” section.

To me, anything that can lead to getting some good sex is worth a try!

Just by an Angel…
With Holiday cheers

Continue reading »]]>

Dear Dr. Z,

I’ve always loved masturbation, but lately I have been losing control. I have been caught by my secretary masturbating at work, which may have had something to do with her quitting her job soon thereafter. If I see a beautiful woman on the street, I will often follow her while rubbing myself. And lately I have been masturbating in my brand-new Porsche, at stop signs or while parked at the mall. So far the reaction of the women who have seen me playing with myself has been encouraging – a few have even smiled – which has led me to want to do it more. I do realize that this may get me in trouble, so what should I do? Should I see a sex therapist?

Dr. Z answers

As my readers know, I have always been an ardent proponent of masturbation, but you need to find a way to curb your enthusiasm. Your masturbation has taken on a compulsive quality, and it appears you have developed an exhibitionism paraphilia – which is a risky business, because it’s only a matter of time before someone calls the cops. You will not only lose secretaries but potentially your driver’s license and even your freedom, if you are convicted for indecent public exposure. Write down the list of potentially negative consequences to your compulsive masturbation and read it to yourself daily. Wear a rubber band on your wrist and snap it hard every time you get an urge to expose yourself. Join the gym and get a hobby – it seems like you need some other passion in your life. And, yes, if that fails, see a therapist.

Dear Dr. Z,

My wife was very sexually inexperienced when we got married ten years ago. She was never really into sex and after a few years we were rarely having sex at all. I felt that I was losing my passion for her and even had a short-lived affair with my coworker, a very uninhibited woman with whom I frequently watched adult videos and read Penthouse. After I ended the affair, I felt that I also had to end this lull in my marriage one way or another, so I told my wife to go out and pick up a guy, bring him back to our house, and seduce him in our bedroom while I watched from our closet. Well, after some convincing, she did exactly as I had instructed: she brought a complete stranger into our bedroom and fucked him right before my eyes. Watching her with him is what rekindled my passion for my wife. I was reminded that I really love her and want her. The problem is, she really likes this guy and wants to continue to see him on a regular basis, and I feel jealous and want us to be monogamous again. Can you explain to me why this happened and how I can get my wife to be faithful to me again?

Dr. Z answers:

Nothing revives our passion for a spouse like a little jealousy! We never realize how much we want to keep something until someone else threatens to take it away from us. But do not confuse the feeling you are currently experiencing for your wife with “love.” When we love someone, we want them to be happy and your wife seems to be happier with some variety in her partners. Watching another man ravish your wife has stoked your lust for her, and what you are feeling is possessiveness and a fear that you will lose her. However, while you have now developed feelings of desire for her after all those passionless years – maybe because another man has sparked her previously missing libido – there may not be a way to turn back the clock. After all, you had an affair first and you insisted that your wife do the same. By doing so, you have redefined the terms of your relationship; there may be no way to bring back the pure exclusivity that you once rejected.

The only thing you can do is to stop trying to control your wife and allow her to explore the new found feelings she has for this man. Meanwhile, give her the affection, attention, and affirmation she was lacking while you were engaged in your liaison with another woman. Her infatuation for her lover will either wear off as the novelty of it subsides, or it will turn into something more. If the latter happens, you will have to decide whether to end your marriage or to join her in a lifestyle that involves a variety of partners. Many couples are into swinging or swapping, so that may be your only way to hold on to her if she finds the thrill of sex with strangers to be too much of an aphrodisiac to put aside. Either way, things will never be the way they once were between you, which is why I always counsel people to stop and think things through before injecting a third person into their relationship.

Dear Dr. Z,

My girlfriend is not big on oral sex. It takes a lot to convince her to give me head. When she does, she immediately stops when my pre-come comes out. She claims it doesn’t taste good and makes her gag. She has even mentioned that she might be allergic to it. Is that possible? And is there any way to keep the pre-come from dripping out until we have intercourse? I love getting head and would do anything to get her more into it.

Dr. Z answers:

It is highly unlikely that your girlfriend has an allergy to your come. Allergies to semen are very rare. And when they do occur, the allergic reaction – whether it’s from oral sex or vaginal intercourse – is accompanied either by a rash or an irritation. Since there is no way of keeping pre-come from leaking out, your only solution to the taste issue is to mask it by donning a condom (you can opt for a flavored one) or periodically dipping your penis in chocolate sauce or something else that will appeal to her. Drinking more water may also tone down the taste and thin out the consistency of your pre-come.

But I think that her reluctance to go down on you probably has some psychological roots – either from some childhood indoctrination about oral sex being dirty, or possibly a negative earlier experience. Talking about her prior experiences might bring these issues to the fore, which might help her get over her inability to enjoy giving you oral. Be understanding, and let her have all the time she needs to work through her psychological aversions. However, if she says she has blown her prior boyfriends and gobbled down their come without a problem, then she must be having some ambivalence about having sex with you. If this is the case, and if getting head is that important to you, you are better off getting a new girlfriend.

Victoria Zdrok’s combination of beauty and intelligence has earned her the label as “sexpert” in many media outlets. She writes a monthly column on love, sex, and dating for Penthouse Magazine entitled “Ask Dr. Z,” and a column on sexuality and the law for Penthouse Forum. She is a frequent contributor to several publications and has her own SIRIUS Satellite Radio specialty show, The Sex Connection, on Howard 101. You can find out more about Dr. Z at www.sexysexpert.com

Continue reading »]]> Relationships may be more complicated than ever, but the eternal truth is, sex is – and should be – good. In order to help you get the most out of your sex life, you need advice from experts on both sides of the bed: Martin Downs, M.P.H., and Victoria Zdrok, Penthouse Pet and Ph.D.

My parents divorced in my early teens, and it seems like most of my relatives and buddies are either divorced or heading there. I recently married a woman I’m crazy about, but the high of being with her is spoiled by my constant fears about our relationship not working out. Can you give a few general rules that will help our relationship last?

Dr. Martin Downs says:

The first rule is, don’t expect that “high” to last. Absolutely no one goes through life as husband and wife cooing at each other and making out all day. One day you’re soul mates, the next, you’re just her asshole husband and she’s a fucking bitch. To stay happily married, you have to decide to love each other through the lows, too.

The second rule is, banish from your mind any thoughts of your marriage “not working out.” Remember, when you got married, you vowed certain things. I suspect a lot of couples mumble through their wedding vows like they’re reciting the Pledge of Allegiance: They don’t really mean or even hear what they’re saying. But think about what you promised–to stay together, no matter what, till death do you part. Or did you solemnly swear to play house until you get sick of each other?

If divorce is so common among your family and friends, you might think that’s what everyone does when they’re not happy. Instead, you should think of it as the nuclear option, the D-bomb. Even when you’re pushed to the brink–and most couples get there sooner or later–don’t be the one to drop the bomb.

I don’t mean to be a total buzzkill about marriage; I just don’t want you to panic and do something stupid the first time you have a real marital crisis. Most of the time, things are going to be fine, even sweet. So rule number three is, think about something else. Fussing about relationships is for single people. Married people ought to be able to take the relationship for granted. You should be thinking about what you’ll be doing together next month or next year, not whether you’ll still be together.

Dr. Z says:

The fact that you’re trying to storm-proof your relationship is a good sign, since most men put little effort into their relationships. Most women need three things to keep them happy: attention, affection, and appreciation. Listen to your wife and express interest in what she says; show her you care by giving her cards, flowers, and other things that make most men gag; and express your love through hugs, kisses, and caresses.

You can significantly enhance your chances of relationship survival if you:

*Tackle the conflict; don’t avoid it.

*Put your wife before your job.

*Give each other room for independent interests.

*Help with housework.

*Have plenty of sex.

*Keep the in-laws from intruding.

Continue reading »]]> A reader asks:

I recently made a ginormous mistake by cheating on my girlfriend. It was a one-time lapse and really didn’t mean anything. I don’t want things to blow up, but there’s a slight chance that she might find out. Should I tell her my side before she hears it from someone else, or should I take a chance and hope I can get away with it?

Dr. Z answers:

If your indiscretion happened with a stranger on a business trip in a faraway city to which you traveled alone, that’s one kind of “slight chance.” If, however, you cheated with a friend of your girlfriend’s, that brings other elements of chance into play. If your transgression (or some part of it) was witnessed by people you and she both know, that’s a whole other set of factors to weigh.

If you are reasonably sure that no one could ever know-emails deleted, receipts destroyed, no photos taken-and if you can be trusted not to blab, then shut the lid on it and move on.

Otherwise, as you seem to already know, truth will out.

The only thing that could save you, if you really believe that this threatens to ignite a blowup, is your own remorse. But the power of remorse would be significantly weakened if she were to find out secondhand. Then, sorry or not, you’d come off as a deceitful punk.

If you lay the whole thing on her, telling her that you’re so consumed with guilt that you couldn’t possibly keep the truth from her, you might be able to save your skin.

Continue reading »]]> A reader asks:

Can a woman become a squirter? If so, how can this be brought about? Are there exercises that should be performed, a diet, specific stimulation? Or, if she were capable, would she have been able to do it already?

Dr. Z answers:

Most sex educators are pretty quiet on the subject of squirting. That’s because a lot of people still don’t believe that female ejaculation is real. Some insist that female ejaculation is no more than a loss of bladder control during orgasm, and that what squirts out is just plain urine. Indeed, to a casual observer, a woman squirting looks a lot like a woman peeing.

Having read up on the science and thought about this for many years, I accept the fundamentals of female ejaculation. A woman’s urethra is coddled in a gland called the urethral sponge, which some call the “female prostate,” because it’s anatomically similar to a man’s prostate gland. This female gland secretes a fluid that is chemically similar to semen, and has many tiny ducts that flow into the urethra.

When a woman “squirts,” she’s actually ejaculating through her urethra, in much the same way as a guy ejaculates through his urethra. (Of course, her spunk lacks sperm and various other ingredients of boy butter.) This female prostate gland is part of the legendary G spot. So those women who squirt tend to manage it by way of G-spot stimulation.

Numerous how-to books have been written on the subject, but in a nutshell, here’s how it’s supposed to work. First, she has to locate her G spot. It feels like a rough or ridged area on the inside wall of her vagina, near the top (when she’s lying down) or front (sitting upright), set an inch or so in from the vaginal opening. When she’s aroused, the spongy tissue becomes engorged and feels firmer to the touch.

G-spot jockeys generally say that it should be massaged with slow, firm pressure. One way to do that is to use a backward-curling “c’mere” motion with two fingers inserted in the vagina. A curved sex toy made for G-spot play could also achieve that effect.

As she responds to this stimulation and edges closer to orgasm, she might feel an urge to pee. At this point, she should not stop, but bear down and push out with her pelvic muscles as if she were trying to pee. At last, if she’s lucky, she might ejaculate.

Some female ejaculators gush great volumes of fluid. Others squirt only a little jet. And some don’t produce enough of anything to notice. Remember, it isn’t pee. Whatever the skeptics say, women who experience ejaculation insist that it’s obviously different from urination.

Some authors claim that all women can learn to ejaculate. I don’t know if that’s true. I am quite confident, however, that not all women want to learn.

Some female ejaculators say they find it empowering and ultra-erotic. Others say it’s just kind of neat. (I suspect these were the girls who excelled at gleeking in grade school.) But a great many more, I’m sure, could care less.

On the whole, it seems like a worthwhile project, because a woman and her partner could learn a lot about her body and how she responds sexually.

Continue reading »]]>

The Doctor is in: Penthouse Pet and Ph.D. holder, Dr. Z

Relationships may be more complicated than ever, but the eternal truth is, sex is – and should be – good. In order to help you get the most out of your sex life, you need advice from experts on both sides of the bed: Martin Downs, M.P.H., and Penthouse Pet Victoria Zdrok, Ph.D.

Q: I recently asked my boyfriend if we could watch porn together. I thought it would be hot, but the question made him really uncomfortable. He told me it doesn’t work that way for him, that the whole point of porn is so he can imagine himself having sex with other women, and that it defeats its purpose if I’m there. I’m not one of those women who thinks that using porn is a form of cheating – I know it serves a physiological need – but his reluctance to share this part of his life (or even humor me just once) has me puzzled. Does he need a stronger nudge, or should I leave this alone?

Martin Downs says: I think it’s awesome that you want to watch porn with him. But everyone deserves privacy.

Porn serves many needs. Sometimes, it’s an easy aid to masturbation. Maybe you think it would be nice to rub one out, but you’re not aroused yet. Rather than take the time to get worked up using your imagination, you look at some porn and you’re on the fast track.

I agree that watching porn isn’t cheating. It’s a way to feed the need for sexual expansion while staying comfortably monogamous –- to have your cake and eat it, too. But for some porn dogs, it’s all about multiplicity. Porn gives them the ability to see thousands of different people fucking without the hassle of setting up thousands of sexual encounters in real life. For others, it’s mostly about filling a gap. For example, a guy might be happily married to a woman who doesn’t share his fondness for anal sex, so he watches anal porn to compensate. In some cases, it allows people to flirt with edgy sex–things they might not enjoy doing for real, but are fun to see on-screen.

There are also differences in how men relate to porn while they’re watching it. Some get fully absorbed in fantasy, imagining how his own dick would feel in that pussy. Others are more voyeuristic; they’re aroused by the visual stimuli, but don’t project themselves into the scene.

In any case, porn preferences are personal and private. Letting someone else in on your porn life can feel too close for comfort, especially if it’s someone with whom you’re intimate in every other way.

That’s not to say that couples shouldn’t go there. Many do, and it can be rewarding. Your boyfriend may indeed need only a little nudge to get past his inhibition. You might try setting up an incident where he “accidentally” walks in on you diddling yourself to a video. Invite him to stay and join in. I think he would be hard put to refuse.

But handle this with care. Porn can tickle your insecurities as well as your fancy. For example, if he wanted to watch Scale Bustin’ Babes, would you accept it without question, or would you demand to know if he thinks you’re fat? And if you were to swoon over a porn dude’s gigantic schlong, might he lose confidence in his adequacy?

When you watch porn with company, differences are likely to arise over what cranks your motor or grosses you out. You might be annoyed to hear, “Oh, yeah, that’s hot,” when you’re thinking yuck. And it’s embarrassing to have a raging boner when someone else is saying, “Eww, that’s so wrong!”

Weigh the potential upside against the risks of opening the door on your boyfriend’s private domain of porn and, if it seems worth it, go ahead and nudge. If not, let him continue to enjoy his “gentleman’s time.”

Victoria Zdrok says: For many people, porn is a way to get lost in fantasy and engage in masturbation. That experience is best served as a solitary dish. That’s why it’s called autoeroticism or self-love. It doesn’t mean your boyfriend doesn’t love you or is not into you. It’s just that, once in a while, he might feel like screwing some unreal sex object, like your typical porn star, without having to worry about what you think about the nasty acts he’s watching and enjoying.

In a typical porn video, there is minimal foreplay (which is probably not the way you would like it), the actresses all have multiple screaming orgasms (which are often faked), and the guys last forever (which your boyfriend only dreams of doing). That’s why such sex scenes should be left to fantasy.

I wouldn’t push him to share that experience with you. After all, relationships are not about totally submerging our individuality. It’s okay to leave some portion of our sexuality unshared, particularly our fantasies. Some days I, too, just feel like getting off by myself, whether triggered by porn or my own fantasies, without anyone watching or participating or assisting me. It’s quicker, easier, and, well, cleaner.

If you still want to use porn as a way of spicing up sex with your boyfriend, I’m on the same page as Martin: Get your own porn and let him walk in on you watching it. He may be unable to resist joining in.

Continue reading »]]>

You’ve been with her for a few years and sex is becoming stultifyingly stagnant. If you feel like a car running low on battery power, it’s time to jump-start your sex life. But to get back that butterflies-in-the-stomach feeling, you’ll have to crawl out from under your comforter, strip off those nasty old boxers, throw caution to the wind, and seek some sensual adventure. Get that adrenaline going by injecting some new sensations into your sexual script.

OUTDOOR SEX

Sex in public places is always a big turn-on, as the fear of getting caught pumps adrenaline into your veins — and that’s the same stuff that fuels sexual arousal! Start slowly. Begin by fooling around with her in front of a mirror or a video camera, then try stroking her with your foot under the table at a restaurant. Have her give you a handjob or blowjob while you are stuck in traffic. Once you’ve gotten those exhibitionist juices flowing, you can get more brazen and try it anywhere you may be seen.

Movie theaters are perfect for exhibitionist experiments. Pick a dirty foreign film – the subtitles will get her horny without much effort on your part – and get busy in the back row. She might get so inspired, she’ll want to star in your own homemade production.

A picnic in the park is never complete without some alfresco porking. How about the back of a crowded bus or subway car? You can pretend to drop your wallet and duck under her skirt to find it; or if there is only one seat available and she conveniently forgot her panties, you can let the vehicle’s bumping bounce her on your lap until you both get off – way before you reach your destination.

CLAUSTRO-SEX

Sex in a confined place can offer an unexpected degree of physical intimacy. Remember the thrill you felt in high school when you made out with your girlfriend in your old compact car – her knees all the way up to her chin, her feet on the steering wheel? Make out in a telephone booth to re-create the experience. For those who prefer more breathing room, try elevator sex. There are two ways to score: One strategy is to wait until you can get on an empty elevator and hit the stop button midway between floors. Then see if you can come before security does. The more difficult – and exciting – way is to simply ride the elevator up and down, doing it when you have the car to yourselves and looking innocent when someone gets on. You two-minute guys should be able to score in this scenario.

AQUA-SEX

The feel of water against your body adds to the sensuality of liquid loving, and her dripping-wet body can be a turn-on too. Water makes you buoyant, helping you experiment with new positions. So make “wet and wild” your motto for cool sex. There are lots of possibilities, whether you’ve got an Olympic-size pool or a bathtub. Some tips: (1) water can wash away the natural lubrication in the vagina, so be sure to have some lube on hand. For the best in slippery sex, make sure she is as wet on the inside as on the outside; (2) if you’re mostly submerged, water will impede rapid thrusting, so use a slow and steady stroke. That’s also better for getting her off, which means you’ll get lots of wet kisses in return; (3) notwithstanding the liquid environment, those hearty little sperm and STDs can still do their business, so use protection.

ON THE FLY

The airplane bathroom is an overrated place to have sex, not to mention uncomfortable and potentially dangerous. It’s much better to stay in your seat and ask for a blanket, spread it over both your laps, then reach under and play with each other when the lights dim and the boring movie starts. Get her dripping and let her lick her wetness off your fingers. You’ll arrive refreshed and happy – even if the flight is delayed.

Continue reading »]]>

We get it. You’re not into commitment and long term relationships at this stage in your life; you just want to score some raunchy sex with a hot babe. There’s nothing wrong with that and, believe it or not, there are plenty of smokin’ girls looking for a night of passionate sex with no strings attached. The trick to a successful one-nighter is finding the perfect Ms. Right Now. And while finding a sex-seeking hottie in a crowd of women with romance on their minds may seem like an impossible task, you can zero in on the free spirits if you know what to look for, both in looks and behavior.

THE LOOK

-Dressed To Thrill

Here’s a good rule of thumb: The more skin she shows, the more skin you’re likely to get by night’s end. This seems like common sense, but scientific research consistently shows that sexually adventurous women tend to wear skimpier clothing than their more repressed companions. One study showed that ovulating women are more likely to dress provocatively, but beware that biological imperative and make sure you’re safe; women may not realize it, but they get hornier at this time of the month because it’s when they’re most likely to get pregnant. A sexily dressed woman feels good about her body and may even be a bit of an exhibitionist, whereas a self-conscious woman is unlikely to feel comfortable enough to undress in front of a stranger. Don’t waste your time on the sexy librarian in the turtleneck; go for the girl in the low-cut tank and barely there miniskirt.

-The Devil Is In The Details

If she has a manicure and pedicure, she’s been to the salon; she may also have a fresh Brazilian wax to show off. And if she’s got tattoos and piercings, she has a wild streak that bodes well for you. A tongue piercing is especially good — she probably likes to demonstrate her oral prowess.

THE BEHAVIOR

-Alone In A Crowd

When a woman is alone at a nightclub or a bar, she is most likely looking for a hookup. This is good for you, as you won’t have to deal with resistance from her buddies, and good for her, since she won’t have to put up with disapproving glances or follow-up questions from her girlfriends. If you are checking out a group of women, go after the least attractive one. She’ll be flattered and appreciative, since she rarely gets the attention when she’s out with her friends. Or look for the one who seems left out of the clique. She’s ready to be rescued.

-Dirty Dancing

If you’re in a dance club, look for a girl who is shaking it like a milkshake on the dance floor. She knows how to move and she’s comfortable with a lot of male attention — two solid indicators that she’s up for a one-night stand. The conventional wisdom that a woman who’s a good dancer is good in bed is commonly believed because there’s truth in it. Dance really is a vertical expression of a horizontal desire.

HUNTING GROUNDS

-Trap The Tourists

We’ve all felt the appeal of sex with a stranger while away from home and our more censorious friends. Foreign tourists, in particular, often look to sample the legal goods because they know that when they get back their friends will ask, “So, did you hook up with any Americans? How do they compare?” Foreign college students often make good targets. (Trust me: I was one!) If you don’t live in a tourist town, check out conventions in your area, which are usually held at big hotels. Traveling businesswomen frequently get lonely and go looking for a little no-strings-attached companionship once they’re away from gossiping colleagues.

THE PREY

-Go Cougar Hunting

Don’t just target pretty young things. Research shows that women in their thirties and forties are hornier and more likely to reach orgasm than women in their twenties. Hot-looking 50-year-olds on the prowl are an even easier target. They’re less likely to get a lot of male attention, so they frequently adopt a carpe noctem (“seize the night”) attitude. And don’t forget MILFs. They already have kids, so they’re not looking at you as a potential father. In fact, MILFs are likely to care more about the bulge in your jeans than the quality of your genes.

Continue reading »]]>

It’s a great day: the birds are chirping, the weather is spectacular, and your significant other is as wonderful in your eyes as ever…and you both have the weekend all to yourselves.

Seems like your lucky day! Even your horoscope says so. Why not check to see if there are any replies to the message you posted, letting others know you’re available this weekend? And what do you find? A couple who is willing to meet you both….TONIGHT! But where, oh where, will these extracurricular activities take place?

They’ve replied: “Would definitely love to meet you…can you host?” Damn, you didn’t quite plan for the positive response. Now what do you do? What needs to be considered? Why can’t they host? Well, you’ve got something thinking to do.

Not everyone in the lifestyle actually spends lots of time thinking about how their play sessions will pan out, but it is a good idea to do so from time to time. Some of us are “free for alls” who just go with the flow, based on our living arrangements or the ability to finance our pleasure domains at a whim. But for some, money, family, and timing can inhibit our ability to fully realize our experiences when they are not planned carefully and in advance.

BUT WHAT ABOUT THE KIDS?

Unlike what is perceived about those in the lifestyle by the “vanilla conservatives” as being an irresponsible bunch of heathens, most of us are just everyday normal people with families, mortgages, and nosy neighbors just like everyone else. We tend to care about our privacy and protect our children from our own adult lifestyle endeavors and wouldn’t want to mix the two, even if they are at Grandma’s for the weekend.

For others, this may not be a problem. “Kids out of the way, so the adults can play” is a welcoming proposition and should certainly not to be confused with being irresponsible. It’s just a matter of personal choice between consulting adults. But if you do choose to host when the kids are absent, here are some little words of advice.

First, make sure you tell your guests that you do have children and to make sure they ARE at Grandma’s. Last thing you want is to be in full “play” mode when one of your kids walks in wearing Spiderman pajamas asking: “What are they doing to mommy?” and you have to explain to your kids that they were just dreaming the next morning. Good luck trying that with a twelve year old. (Has happened!)

Also, warn your guests about any pets you might have. An out-of-control hair ball from your cat can cause a quick exit – and your dog humping your guest’s leg while you freshen up is not the doggy style they expected. So be courteous and aware that all people may not take too kind to the “other” members of your family. Discussing the pets you have is also very important as many people have extreme allergies. I myself am deathly allergic to cats and their dander, and there’s nothing that brings the libido to a halt than a swollen face, watery eyes and the inability to breathe. Needless to say, NOT SEXY.

LISTEN

Consider getting to know the couple you’d like to play with a little better, before inviting them back to your place. This can be a tremendous way to find out what they like and what they don’t like, helping you to prepare yourselves as great hosts. When you host, your guest should feel like the “red carpet” has been rolled out for them. Making your guest feel special, like picking up their favorite red wine or preparing a dish that they mentioned during your conversation is sexy foreplay! It shows that you’ve paid attention to detail and are considerate and passionate about making people feel good. Don’t skimp on this; it’s just good hospitality.

SNOOPERS

Hey, we’ve all done it. People will excuse themselves to use your bathroom and WILL check to see just what’s in the medicine cabinet. Aside from making sure your bathroom is clean enough to eat in, remember to put away those creams and ointments that you don’t really want to explain away. Having your guests suddenly come down with the flu after a quick bathroom visit is a good indication that you forgot. Which leads us to the obvious next suggestion. Make sure you don’t need to use creams and ointments by being in good health. Yet, if you’re in need of prescribed meds on this night, reschedule your playtime. Please!

STAY OR GO

Assuming you’ve enjoyed a fun filled session with your good friends, it’s late and now you’re confronted with the question: “Should we invite them to stay the night, or kindly urge them to get the hell up out of here?” This needs to be established between you and yours beforehand as to avoid one of you unexpectedly handing out the extra toothbrushes and robes. For some, the consideration of a full night stay may not occur until you’ve crossed that bridge based on the tremendous time you had. Some of us can afford to just go with the flow and some can’t. For those who can…preparation is key. Either way, make certain both you and your spouse are on the same page prior to your guest’s arrival.

RULES…WHAT RULES?

Some are fortunate to always have the ability to host and love doing so. Don’t feel bad if you can’t. It’s about being honest and sharing fun times, whenever and wherever the opportunity presents itself. Hopefully you seek to establish great friendships, which lead to great times. Once you all feel comfortable with one another, you all can establish your own rules of engagement. Just don’t forget that respect, thoughtfulness, cleanliness, and creative ideas go a long way in establishing yourselves as good hosts. I hope this little bit of fun advice helps some of you in your pursuit in becoming the host with the most.