Are You Boring Her?

Do You Strike Out At Online Dating? You Might Be Making The Following Mistakes

As a dating and romance advice columnist I do my best to be kind and friendly to men, even when they're not my type.

I sincerely like to help people, I do, but the amazingly poor caliber of many men's correspondence online needs to be addressed. To put it more bluntly guys your emails often suck!

If you want to meet smart, attractive women online don't bore us! It's as simple as that. How do you bore us? Let me count the ways! First I'll share with you what not to do, and then I'll share with you examples from emails I've received just in the past week or so that prove my point.

And yes, I'm leaving the spelling, capitalization, and grammar just as I received them.


You Don't Actually Read Her Profile/Send Out a Mass Emailing

I find it rather funny and sad that men go online and start "browsing" for women who attract them before they've even posted their own photo (or an extremely bad one), or filled out any of the questions, and comments on their profile.

Okay, yes, we all browse to see who's available when we're lonely and bored, but if you move forward and write to these women before you finish your profile it comes across that your loneliness and desperation are such you don't have the patience to play by "fair" online rules.

And let me tell you, nothing shouts loneliness and desperation (which repels rather than attracts, unless the woman is also lonely and desperate, or perhaps drunk) like someone who thinks they don't have to play by the rules. Either that or they're extremely arrogant, and that's not appealing either.

But what annoys me the most is the mass emails from men that make it apparent you're just looking for a blonde of a certain height, weight and age (regardless of your height, weight and age) because your email is so bland and generic that you obviously didn't actually read my profile.

An example of what NOT to do is the following one I received this week:


"hi.i had a glimps of your profile. while checking on people i would like to meet with.I must confess i really liked it.i think am okay with everything you wrote in your profile. hit me up more about yourself"


This was from john, 52, from New York and yes I changed his name. At least he's honest enough to let me know he's browsing my "type."

But come on guys, do you really think a woman's going to be fooled into thinking you actually paid some attention to what she wrote by saying something like, "I think am okay with everything you wrote in your profile?"

Ah, no.

Try again, and this time put a little elbow grease into it and actually read a woman's profile. Take the time to comment on something you genuinely noticed and liked about her beyond her fabulous body. No matter how sexy a woman is she always wants to be noticed for something else as well.


Don't Make Us Do the Legwork If You Wrote to Us!

This just kills me. Sooo many men write without a picture and say they'll "send" me one if I'll just give them my email. I learned the hard way NEVER to allow a strange man to send me a photo of himself (and give out my personal email) when I let a man do so and he sent a photo of himself having sex with a woman on a table.

The real corker is you could absolutely not tell at all what the man looked like. And dude, if you wrote to me don't ask me to look you up at "x" website. Why should I take time out of my busy schedule to look you up? You wrote to me.

Let's get something clear - until I know you better you're not that special. If your job is such that you can't be on online dating/friendship sites and have it made public DON'T BE ON ONLINE DATING/FRIENDSHIP SITES.

Here's an example of what I'm talking about that I received this week:


"hi there I am in Downey , My name is John*. If u want email me (gave two email addresses). I am white I can send u a pic."


Don't Signal You're Going to Talk Her Ear Off About Yourself

I've learned the hard way that if a man's email is all about himself than his conversations in both email and in person are going to likely stay the same way.

The following sounds like a nice guy, and he's read my profile, but the p.s. warns me that I would probably have to listen longer than my ear can hold out for on the phone:


"just thought i would say hi.. i like the writer stuff.. i write songs about relationship stuff.. i am not trying to add you i promise.. if you read my profile you you will understand that i understand the writing stuff.. i seem to be everyone's problem solver also.. anyway i hope we can talk a little on here.. i have recorded about 40 song of solo music where i write, play and sing everything.. it is the main constant that has always been in my life.. :) thanks..

Jack

PS if you got the ear i got the storys!!"

No, right now I don't have the ear and I don't have the time. I'm not being mean, just honest. Men have this mistaken idea that it's cool for them to spell out exactly what they want in a woman mentally and physically, but that we women should be more open minded.

Why? There are more single people, and more single men, than in any other time in our history. So slow down guys, do your homework, and start writing some emails that show you not only paid attention to her profile, but that you'll be able to pay attention to herin the future as well.

That's the way you're really going to capture a smart sexy woman's notice online.

*Names have been changed

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