Ask Dr. Z

Q: In porn flicks, guys seem to go from one position to another without ever pulling out their cocks. Is there a trick to maneuvering while keeping my penis inside my girlfriend? Whenever I try it, mine pops out or bends the wrong way, and when I pull out I sometimes go soft. Any advice?

Dr. Z answers: Don't believe most of the things you see in porn films! Porn stars seem to perform acrobatic tricks on film, but that is often an illusion created with video editing. Real sex is not so seamless. Most of the time you are better off pulling out, changing positions, then penetrating her again, rather than fumbling to stay inside her while changing positions.

However, to give the seamless switch-up a shot, start in the missionary position, then wrap your hands underneath her and roll over on your back, putting her on top of you. You should now be in the reverse missionary position — a position in which it might be easier for your girlfriend to orgasm.

Now you can put your hands on her waist and move her up and down or help her into the cowgirl position by pushing her shoulders up. From there, you can sit up facing her and continue making love to her in the seated position.

Be careful when performing all of this maneuvering, because one vigorously misplaced thrust is all it takes to possibly rupture the corposa cavernosa, the erectile chambers that form the length of your penis. That is a serious injury with serious consequences, so when you make your switches, stop thrusting, hold her ass firmly to your body in the fully engaged position, and resume the action only when you have achieved a comfortable stance for the next act.

Speaking for all the ladies out there, a long passionate kiss before and after each switch would be nice, too.



Q: I've been corresponding with this girl through an online dating site for a few months now. She sends me her photos by e-mail and snail mail every week and we speak on the phone regularly. Sometimes she gets quite flirtatious and sexually suggestive. Last week I asked her to meet in person, at which point she said she suffers from sexual anorexia and is reluctant to meet me. I've never heard of this and I don't know how to deal with it. Can you help?

Dr. Z answers: Sexual anorexia is a popular new term for old-fashioned sex aversion. Sufferers of extreme sex aversion become preoccupied with avoiding sex, and — like other addictive conditions, such as dieting, gambling, or hoarding — compulsive sex avoidance can make one feel armored against life's hurts. Thus, sexual anorexia becomes a pathological stress coping mechanism. Some sexual anorexics are only comfortable with anonymous cybersex because they experience severe anxiety about partnered sex, or they fear intimacy with another human being.

The real issue here is whether your cyber-amour actually suffers from this condition or is using it as an excuse to string you along. There may be many reasons why she doesn't want to meet you. The most common, of course, is that she doesn't look anything like the photos she sent you!

Either way, your chances of developing a meaningful relationship with her are slim to none. I suggest you look for other fish in the cyber sea, but if you insist on satisfying your curiosity, ask her to meet you in a very public place and promise that you won't even permit a sexual outcome to your first meeting. If she still ducks you, she's probably not a person you want to meet anyway.



Q: My wife is a successful professional and a wonderful mother to our two kids, and she also loves to cook and keep our house in immaculate condition. All of this is great, but she seldom has any time for sex during the day, and at night she is always exhausted. How can I get her to be more interested in sex when we both finally hit the sack?

Dr. Z answers: Many guys mistakenly think that women are just like men, i.e., that they can work all day, watch a ball game, down a six-pack, and then be ready for intercourse as soon as the lights go off. However, unlike the male sex drive, which is spontaneous, female desire is more receptive in nature — which means it requires some priming. Get her in the mood for sex by keeping it in her mind throughout the day: leave her sexy voice messages and e-mails, whisper sweet nothings in her ear, and hug and kiss her whenever you get a chance. A little kiss on the back of her neck while she is stirring the soup may keep her stirred up until bedtime!

Be sure to tell her how sexy she looks and what you would like to do to her — using your own private slang if the kids are around. Talking about sex while you're in the kitchen or dining room is like having sex in public places: it spices up the atmosphere and builds her anticipation.

If you sense she is really tired, draw her a bubble bath or offer to give her a massage before bed. Tell her you wanted to ravish her while she was making dinner or vacuuming the house but you held off, knowing that she wanted to finish the chore. You can even tell her that you got so hard while watching her that you couldn't help fondling your dick and thinking about making love to her.

If you are too lazy to tend to her libido's needs, hire a nanny and a housekeeper so your wife can save most of her energy for sex!