Crash and Burn...

Are you the James Bond of dating or the Maxwell Smart? Is your brain on constant "scan" when you are in a setting or are you letting them scan you? Men are like walking billboards to women and they can read certain things a mile away. You want them to have to get up real close to read the fine print, and if they do get close then my guess is you are closer to being the man than a crash and burn crash test dummy.

There are some obvious signs to both scenarios that men can pay attention to hopefully make a smooth transition.

Let us visit many (not all) of the signals, signs that determine which guy you are. Before you hit on women, most have already formed a nominal image in their head just by the way you dress and your mannerisms. This image or opinion of you can be changed by you, or solidified by you. You have to read the signs too, just like they are. But right now we will focus on you and not them. Let`s use some comparisons of Mr. Man and Mr. Crash.

Mr. Man
Confidence is his trophy and he displays it proudly. He walks tall with his head held high and has no problem being cordial with strangers and often offers polite greetings. This is a sign of being happy. It is seen in how he speaks and even ignores the attention he is getting from others in an almost humble manor. Gentlemen, the difference between confidence and arrogance is: An arrogant man thinks he knows everything, a confident man never thinks he knows enough.

Mr. Crash
This guy has trophies but never feels like he does. He talks in his head about the things he wants to say to a girl but they never seem to come out of his pouty mouth. I say pouty mouth because Mr. Crash never smiles enough and worries about the outcome of his actions -- actually preventing them from coming to life. Everything I just wrote is written on his face, so when he approaches a woman she almost feels sorry for him.

Mr. Man
The way he commands attention is by ignoring it. In the club, the most confident men will walk in, walk the whole club once to see the talent but also to let the talent see him. Then he will "post up" at a table right in the middle of the bar, but not stare or scan the room too much. Why? They are looking at him.

Mr. Crash
He is like a broken robot that roams around the club/bar continuously and worse yet; his head turns like Linda Blair`s in the Exorcist ogling every thing that moves around him. All the while he never thinks that anyone can see this wannabe player behavior.

Mr. Man
James Bond perfected the self introduction; Bond, James Bond. He was so confident; his name alone commanded their attention. The lesson 007 brings to the table is, "walk up, say hello and introduce yourself." Guys, they call this the fundamentals.

Mr. Crash
The Maxwell Smart of dating; would you believe... This guy has no clue that he is clueless. This is a guy who makes a beeline for an attractive girl and it almost looks as if it will go well until he opens his mouth. Impulsive and reckless, he believes because she is hot that is a free ticket to approach without waiting for the signs.

Mr. Man
Nuance and being relaxed are behaviors that tell the woman that the guy is in no rush. Good example: When at a bar or even a coffee shop, Mr. Man will not ask if he can buy her a drink, he just does. He sends it over. If he is really the man, he will buy drinks for everyone (within reason) that she`s sitting with as well. This shows both class and generosity, but only if you look and act like "the man". If you`re still working on your game and trying to `come up`, leave this technique for the more seasoned pros.

Mr. Crash
His desperate nature to impress will compel him to "offer" her a drink. Remember, if you buy it without asking, she has to say thanks. If you ask her if you can, you set yourself up for a "no thanks". Mr. Crash also makes the mistake of "offering" to only one of the girls at the table, alienating the rest.

Mr. Man
This guy can make even cheap sunglasses look gook. He has a sense of style and knows how to work with what he`s got. He knows when a "jacket" is appropriate and owns one. He knows his belt color should match his shoe color and when he should or should not tuck in his shirt.

Mr. Crash
Call the circus! This guy still thinks it is okay to wear white socks with dress shoes. He wears a tucked in button down long sleeve shirt to go out and "party" in. He thinks if he`s paid a lot for the shirt, it must look good on him. And worst of all his shoes are cheap or dirty or both. He might even own a dickey.

So what we have concluded is that even the dorkiest guy has potential to be cool, and even the coolest guy is not far from sending the wrong message or screwing up. My editor wanted 10 signs of "crash and burn" guys and 10 signs of "the man". I gave five of each because if you can`t figure it out with only 5 examples guess which one you are. For the guys who got it after 5 examples, I will see you out this weekend, scoring.