Top Ten Dating Tips

1. Recognize Your Negative Patterns

All the great dating tips in the world will do you absolutely no good at all if you continue in the same old negative patterns of behavior that defeat your purpose to get out and date in the first place, or succeed in a successful dating relationship once you do meet a wonderful person. It never ceases to amaze me that people can actually complain about not meeting anyone new when they don’t get themselves out in the right situations to meet other single people.

Stopping whatever behavior it is that you do that keeps you from getting out and meeting people, or meeting the right kinds of people, or screwing things up once you do meet the right person is the most important dating tip I can give you. You are worth a level playing field. You are worth succeeding. So clean out your emotional closet and give yourself a fighting chance.

2. Don’t Create A False Self

It’s one thing to improve yourself and make the most of who you can be, it’s another to create a false self just to try and impress a special someone into wanting to date you…sooner or later the real you is going to come out. This very important dating tip is true whether you’re meeting people first online or in person.

Yes, gorgeous, together, successful people do fall in love with people who aren’t always as gorgeous, together, and successful as they are – however – it’s done honestly. They fall in love with the person’s character and heart over time from getting to know them, they aren’t hoodwinked into believing someone is thinner, younger, more financially stable etc. than they really are. Sooner or later the truth always comes out and the person who’s been lied to will be both be very disappointed and angry with you.

3. Follow Your Gut

Don’t date people just because your mother, cousin, boss, best friend or anyone else thinks you should because they’re a “great” catch. Just exactly who is a great catch is a matter of personal opinion. And don’t date people just because they’re forward enough to ask you out if you don’t feel like you’d enjoy each other’s company. That little voice in the back of your head, or that uncomfortable voice in your stomach should be listened to.

Do, however, go out with someone who sparks your interests even if they don’t seem like your type. Dating isn’t marriage, it’s a time to get out and explore and learn about not only new people, but yourself as well.

4. Follow Your Passions

People who are great to date like their lives and know how to enjoy themselves. Happy people are naturally attractive, even if they’re carrying some extra weight, have lost their hair, and don’t have tons of money. Happy people have found a way to either follow their bliss, or make sure their passions and interests are at least a major hobby in their lives.

And by following your passions and making sure they’re an integral part of your life you have natural opportunities (if you take advantage of them) to meet other single people who have the same interests as you do – whether it’s breeding purebred prize winning Boston Terriers or sailing around the world. This is such an obvious dating tip and yet so many of us get so caught up in making a living that we completely forget what actually makes us happy.

5. First Dates Don’t need to be Elaborate

Heed this dating tip and the money in your wallet will stretch much farther! The best bet for a first date is meeting at a nice coffee house, or upscale bar for a drink, and it’s best if people meet there rather than the man picking up the woman just to play things safe. Nothing is worse than going to an expensive dinner on a first date with someone you have high hopes about only to find that you just don’t hit it off after all – it’s both expensive and a waste of time. Be more casual about the first date – after all, if you get along so fabulously that you want to spend more time together you can go to dinner afterward.

6. First Dates Aren’t An Interview

As much as first dates feel like an audition, or an interview to impress someone, they’re actually neither. This dating tip is tremendously important to remember because if you’re not careful when trying to make a good impression you can fall into that “false” self issue we talked about above. Men especially tend to use a first date (or even first emails) to lay out all the reasons why they’re a great catch – especially if they really find the woman attractive. This, however, puts the woman in the role of being the audience and this is not a date then – it’s a show, and the men aren’t sharing they’re bragging.

Remember good conversations have give and take and volleys back and forth like a good tennis match. You should never be in the position of doing all of the talking, or all of the listening.

7. First Dates Aren’t For the Nitty Gritty

You may have had some truly challenging things happen in your life, in fact, they may still be happening right now – but don’t share them on the first date. People need time to emotionally care for someone even if they’re physically attracted to them (and men need more time than women) so even though a person (especially women) may seem to be just the sort of understanding, empathetic type you can bare your soul to – hold off for a date or two before you tell them about the skeletons in the closet. This important dating tip gives the person time to get to know and like you before knowing about the less than savory things going on in your life.

Don’t wait too long, however, to share important information even if it’s not the best news. You should definitely open up and share honestly before the relationship gets serious.

8. Great Daters Have a Plan

This might seem like another obvious dating tip, however, it’s surprising how few people take the time and effort to really think through a fun date and plan ahead for it. If you’re too busy now to take the time to buy concert tickets in advance, or do research on an interesting day trip, you’re too busy to be in a relationship and date. It’s that simple. People naively think they’ll make time for the right person, and they do – for a date or two – but a workaholic with no social life is that way for a reason. By all means work hard, but recognize that you’ve got to have balance in your life if you want a successful love life.

In order to make planning great dates easier for yourself keep a file of things to do and places to see that you come across in your reading or web browsing. If you’ve got a folder full of ideas it takes the pressure off of you to come up with something fun when the opportunity for a date arrives.

9. If You Feel Physical Chemistry Be Clear About Your Signals

This is another dating tip that might seem totally obvious to many people, but isn’t to the shyer members of our society – of which there are many many members. Remember that even very attractive and alluring people aren’t 100% certain of their effect on someone. If you go on a date with someone who completely lives up to your expectations (and more) let them know.

Now that being said, I don’t mean you should be sticking your tongue down their throat at the beginning of the date (which has happened to me and was no fun), nor do you need to jump on them at the end of the date and try to get some. There are very subtle, but potent signs to let someone know you’re not only enjoying yourself with them but you find them physically attracted:

Brush or press your knee against theirs under the table for a second or two a couple of times during dinner.

Touch their arm or shoulder to emphasize a point while talking to them (but don’t do it too often).

Men can put their hand briefly on the small of a woman’s back when he opens the car door for a woman, or pulls out her chair at a restaurant, or asks her what she’d like to drink from the bar.

Hold strong eye contact and “triangle” them from time to time – that is look from one of their eyes to the other, to their mouth and back. This, by the way, is something humans naturally do when they’re very attracted to someone.

Go for the kiss at the end of the night. If a woman doesn’t feel comfortable moving in to kiss a man on the lips she can give him a kiss on the cheek. If she leans against him for a moment while doing this it gets the point across effectively.

10. Don’t Wear Out Your Welcome

This is the point where most of actually bite the dust in the dating arena – we get so excited about meeting someone we’re really attracted to, and want to get to know better, that we overwhelm them with our interest. It’s always an important dating tip to give someone less of yourself in the very beginning of a dating relationship than you’d like to. What do I mean? Don’t call every day, call once a week – to set up the next date. Don’t send emails every day either – you can send an email or two during the week but make it about something you think they’d like to know about – not how much you’re looking forward to the evening.

Yes it’s tough to sit back and chill when you’ve met someone great – but that’s exactly what you need to do. Fascination and interest can quickly turn to disinterest if we wear out our welcome. Give them time to miss you!