Don`t Be Too Honest Too Soon With Women

Yeah, I know a lot of men grumble and complain that women say they want honest and emotionally open men but then turn and run as soon as they meet a nice guy who’s just that. The truth is that most women do want honest men in touch with their emotions, they just don’t want to receive all of your honesty and emotions in one massive serving before the first date is even half way over. It’s a matter of timing and finesse – which most men lack in spades.

So okay, since most of us don’t like to talk about our emotions much why are we losing out so early in this game? Perhaps it’s because we dread opening up so much that most men decide it’s better to just jump in and get it over with as quickly as possible – like ripping off a band aid, or jumping onto a freezing pool. Or perhaps it’s that most women are pretty good listeners and when we suddenly find ourselves with an attractive woman who seems to be “all ears” we just can’t help letting it all out (especially if that’s what we think she wants to hear in the first place).

Whatever the reasons, we men have to stop and recognize that this method of “letting it all hang out” can lead to two negative ramifications:

It can leave a woman feeling more that she’s been “emotionally thrown up on” rather than being privileged to share some of your most private information. It leaves you with little or no mystery left.

As I said earlier sharing your inner emotional world honestly and successfully with a woman is a matter of timing and finesse. The thing you must keep in mind at all times is that we humans want above all to feel special. When you make your emotional life a completely open book for a woman on the first date (or even earlier) she either feels overwhelmed (cause let’s face it, some of us have been through hell and back) by the type of information you’re sharing when she doesn’t know you well enough yet to really care, or she feels that this is your game to “hook” her, or she feels that you’re an emotionally basket case she wants to get away from as soon as possible.

Or all three. And no, she doesn’t feel special at all.

No matter how you slice it you don’t end up looking or sounding too good.

So hold onto those reins bucko and drive more carefully. In the beginning of getting to know a woman you’re really attracted to your goal should always be to keep a sense of mystery about yourself by not telling too much too soon. No, you don’t want to try and be purposefully mysterious; this would probably backfire and prove embarrassing.

A good idea is to think of yourself as a novel or movie in progress. Remember, the most interesting and compelling novels and movies don’t give away the entire story line all at once. No, great books and literature know how to capture our attention by sweeping us up in a story that never gives everything away until the end. And of course if it’s a series of books or movies it doesn’t give every thing away even then.

Now obviously you’re not really a book or a movie, but every time you’re tempted to open up more and “share it all” early in a new relationship ask yourself whether what you’re going to share would make your story more compelling, capturing her interest more, or would you instead use up all of your emotional marbles?

It can be quite challenging to learn to hold your tongue about your life’s “trials and tribulations” once you’ve gone down the path of complete honesty with women in the past. It can be rather addictive and freeing to “let it all hang out.” But if women you’re really attracted to aren’t taking you up on a second or third date then you’ve got to ask yourself something. Is it possible that your opening up so much is more a manner of therapy for you rather than working to seduce a woman with your personality, or let’s face it, even showing her a good time? It’s a tough question to face, but better to look hard at yourself now rather than continuing down the wrong path of scaring women away by opening up too much too soon.

Another way to think about your timing and how much to share with a woman is to put yourself in a woman’s shoes. Ask yourself whether you’d want to know “x” about a new woman right away. Or think of the type of things that a woman might share that might be difficult for you to hear. Would you feel the same about a woman if you learned right away that she’d contracted a sexually transmitted disease that she could control with medicine but would never be fully rid of, or that she got pregnant at sixteen? Would you want to know right away she was on anti depressants, or that she’d had to move back in with her parents when it took more than a year and a half for her to find a new job after being laid off?

While many of us believe ourselves to be very compassionate, in fact we don’t usually give another person the benefit of the doubt in their situation and actions until we know and care for them deeply (and sometime even not then). We often believe others could have handled their lives far more successfully if they’d just tried harder, if they’d just been smarter in their decisions and choices.

Once you remember that women aren’t saints. Certainly they often feel empathy and compassion for a new person than a man does, however, empathy and compassion aren’t fascination and curiosity – two things you want a woman to feel about her if you’re sexually attracted to her. After all, you’re not looking for a therapist (I hope); you’re looking for a date.