The Drama Queen

Drama Queens are an amazingly powerful lure to men (even those who should know better) because they appeal both to a man’s sense of honor and adventure. They’re not only sexy and gregarious and seem like a lot of fun, they need your help! What’s not to like? You get to have a good time and ride in on your white horse to the rescue as well. You have stars in your eyes as you imagine all the ways she’ll think up to thank you…

The problem is that almost everything to do with a Drama Queen is an illusion – an illusion to manipulate you into helping her out of the latest corner she’s painted herself into. The thanks you’re expecting to receive rarely materialize because just as you’ve put one fire out for her another erupts. She has what seems to be the worse luck on the planet, in fact it seems as if the universe itself is out to get her – bosses are jerks, utility companies lose her payments, old boyfriends made her life hell, the freeway always has an accident…the list goes on and on.

What you need to understand is that we all make the majority of our own luck. Yes disasters do happen, yes bad things happen to good people, but as the quote above indicates we have the power to design our lives to bring about both good luck and good results on a consistent basis if we’re willing to have goals that move our lives in the right direction. Rather than taking responsibility for herself and her life the Drama Queen learns early on that her cute smile and sexy attitude can be used to manipulate men into giving her what she wants – she doesn’t have to work for it the way the rest of us do. She also believes life isn’t interesting unless she’s the center of attention, and she believes that it’s the responsibility of others not only to make her happy but to keep her that way.


How Men Fall

What fools men into believing that a Drama Queen is the woman of his dreams is that she’s so darn charming in the beginning. She bats her baby blues, or alluring browns, greens etc. at a man and puts her whole attention on him in a way he may have never received before. Instead of falling at his feet, however, and making herself totally available to him the Drama Queen makes things more exciting by asking his help…she’s moving and needs some help with the heavy things, her car’s running funny and she can’t afford to take it to the shop…it’s a small favor and you’re happy to do it. She’s so happy you’ve helped her out…of course she’d love to go to the movies with you, to dinner, lunch etc…only she has to cancel your first date, she’s so sorry, but something’s come up, you understand…

And so it begins. Human beings are fickle creatures, we want to be in a relationship with someone “special”, someone others want, someone who’s got it going on…and that’s exactly what the Drama Queen appears to be. Her canceling and delaying outings makes the man feel frustrated but at the same time a bit off kilter and excited. She does finally go out with him (though she may cancel again), but she’s late – with a perfectly good excuse. She always has a good excuse. She’s a great story teller even though she’s always the victim of misfortune. The man likes to hear her entertaining tale…it seems far more interesting than what’s going on in his life at the time. He likes being in the position of being the good listener, but he also likes giving good advice and feeling important. Her life is a bit messy and he thinks he’s just the one to help her get on the right track. Once he gets her straightened out he foresees a rosy (and hot) future for the two of them – she’ll be so grateful they may never leave the bedroom!

The problem is that the Drama Queen’s need to live in chaos is far greater than a man could ever imagine, but by the time he realizes it he’s hooked on the adrenaline – both because his life is more exciting by living vicariously through all her adventures, and well, because of the promise of sex. Unfortunately, as with everything else with a Drama Queen, the physical intimacy rarely materializes the way a man expects. There just aren’t enough hours in the day for all that the poor Drama Queen has to get done – sex with him is something that seems to often end up at the bottom.

After awhile the man wakes up and realizes that the fun he was looking forward to hasn’t materialized. In fact instead of fun he feels more and more stress and frustration because though the Drama Queen appears to be grateful for the man’s help, somehow she can never quite follow his advice – but her requests for help continue, and they often escalate in scope, time, and expensiveness.


Getting Your Life Back

The biggest thing you need to remember about Drama Queens is that no matter how much they complain about the hectic quality of their lives they are really the ones who are stirring the tornado. If you think you might be caught in one’s web take the time to sit down and contemplate how much time and attention you spend helping her with her life vs. how much time and attention she spends on your life, and just basically having a good time with you.

Can you change the equilibrium with a Drama Queen and have a real relationship? It depends on how married your Drama Queen is to her drama and in how many areas of her life it rules. It also depends on whether her affection for you is due to really caring about you or just for the help and stability you bring to her life. You need to sit her down and tell her honestly that you’re not enjoying how things are going and you need to lay out how you’d like things to change. If she agrees to give this new relationship a try you need to sit back and watch her actions rather than listen to her words. If the next few phone calls are the same old requests for help and the need for an audience for her latest woes I highly recommend you make yourself scarce – and fast!