Melissa Balmer interviews Evan Katz of E-cyrano.com
Copyright © 2006, Seduction Insider, www.seductioninsider.com.
Melissa: Let’s talk a little bit about somebody who’s willing to make the effort, but they’ve been really shy for most of their life, but they’re rolling up their sleeves willing to do the work, and now they’re looking in the mirror and being honest about the fact that they’re not the hottest guy on the block. Let’s talk about this internet dating being a powerful tool for a great guy with a good heart to let women know who he is.
Evan: I think there’s a lid for every pot. Just look around you and you’ll see couples everywhere. I’ve got no doubt that there’s someone for everyone if people did enough searching and turning over enough rocks. If you’re a shy guy the bar scene isn’t your world. You’re not going to be the person who goes up to a strange woman and starts making small talk, and try to be charming. You might be a good conversationalist but it’s just not your way. It’s not my way, and I’m certainly not shy. I would occasionally go out to bars, during the time that I was dating online for five years, and I’d think “What the hell am I doing here? I just go home and talk to these women online that I’m not comfortable talking with in this situation in person”.
So for a guy who’s a decent guy, and your looks aren’t your biggest selling point, I’m not going to pretend that it doesn’t matter; women will look at your picture, so you might as well have the best picture taken of you (taken now, not ten years from now). Get a professional picture taken, there are no shortage of photographers out there who can do a great job, and soon Internet dating sites will be offering photo services, as well as offering essay writing services (the idea that I started) to give people the tools to succeed. Whether people choose to take advantage of them or not is their choice. Just realize most people are not mindful of this, do not take their dating profile seriously, and at this point if you get professional pictures, if you get professional help with your essay, you’re more qualified than 95% of the other guys who are writing to that same woman.
Evan: Take that time and you get the edge. So if you’re the guy that takes the time to come up with a witty user name, a creative headline, a thoughtful profile and quality pictures that reflect a life that other people want to be a part of well then you’re a super star – and you’re an average looking guy. But you’re a super star because nobody else does this.
Melissa: Right. You’re going to be starring in your own romantic life. You’re making it important to you and a woman’s going to sense that and think “Wow, I want to be a part that”.
Evan: Right. And you don’t have to try too hard. You don’t have to say things that you think are going to make you sound impressive. Like bragging about your boat, or bragging about anything else…any time you’re talking about how great you are, any time you’re using adjectives you sound like you’re bragging “I am this and this and this…”
Illustrate yourself with examples of who you are. The writers edict, as you know, is “show, don’t tell”. Don’t tell me you’re “nice and smart and kind and funny”, that you’re “honest and successful and ambitious”, show me, and give me examples of what makes you that. If you can do that on your own (and most guys don’t, and those use those very same words), then it’s really easy to pick you out of the pack.
Go online, look at the other guys, look at the other women, and see what grabs you. You might find one out of twenty! Why shouldn’t you be with that one?
Melissa: Right. You and I are artists, and we prefer the more creative dating sites and I find that on those sites the men have no problem admitting they check out other men’s profiles, but I find on the big regular sites that men find this really weird when I suggest it. But you’re saying its research.
Evan: When I say look at other people, I want you to look at how badly they put their profiles together. If they’re good don’t steal their stuff! As a writer this really upsets me. People seem to think that because it’s on an online dating site on the Internet its common property. I’ve had so many people steal my online essays that I’ve caught. I was trying to be a good guy showing people examples to inspire them and instead they decided just to take mine thinking that because I was in L.A. and they were in New York it wouldn’t matter. It really angers me.
If everyone is using my very special essay than it’s not that great or original anymore, and no one knows who originated it. So when I say do your research and look at other profiles, it’s really to see how little thought most people put into it. When you see one that’s really great ask yourself what is it that’s so great? What is it that I’m responding to in this man or this woman’s profile and how can I use it to inspire me?
Melissa: Since you wrote the book you’ve been able to work with people one on one doing the kind of coaching you really wanted to do. Share with us some of the stories. You get some very heart warming feedback. I want some guys to hear about what’s possible. Let’s talk about someone who really didn’t think anything was possible, you were their last hope, they cut an article out about you in the paper or a magazine, and said “Evan please help me!”
Evan: This is the very nature of my business as you know, the website’s called E-cyrano.com, and the spectrum is everywhere. I’ve had clients as young as 22 and as old as 73. My 73 year old guy is in New Jersey, he’s a professor and still working, and been divorced twice, not particularly computer literate, and a little crusty, frustrated about the questions I asked him on the questionnaire. But I asked him to put his trust in me and he was able to because he didn’t have any pre-conceived notions. He really came through even though it was difficult for him. I talked to him on the phone, we stitched it all together, I gave him three coaching sessions and the first weekend he had his profile up he had eleven women write to him! Eleven women!
