by Carlos Xuma
Copyright © 2006, Seduction Insider, www.seductioninsider.com.
One of the symptoms of dating and seduction of attractive women that
afflicts men is what I call the "Babe-shock" factor.
Allow me to explain ...
When you first approach a woman you find attractive, what`s going through
your head most of the time?
"Oh, wow! I can`t believe I`m talking to this hot babe! This is great! I
wonder if she likes me?"
And you proceed to act like a goober, fawning all over her and complimenting
her. Or, if you`ve read The Seduction Method or these posts, you start to
realize that you`re not supposed to do that, but you can`t help thinking to
yourself what a lucky guy you are right now, and the shock of her presence
leaves you acting under her spell. You fumble over words, and your
confidence slips a few notches because you put her up on a pedestal,
thinking that somehow her opinion really matters more than any other woman.
You`re in Babe-shock.
Now let`s add some perspective with another situation:
You`re talking to an average looking woman at the grocery checkout. You`re
not really interested in her, but she seems very interested in talking to
you about the deal you got on Gatorade and chicken pot pies. In fact, the
more you shrug and act disinterested, the more she keeps on.
What`s different here?
Well, right off the bat, your body language, tone of voice, attitude.
I`ll bet that you:
- Don`t turn toward her and display a really open stance
- Don`t give her a big beaming happy-to-be-in-your-shadow smile
- Don`t really care if you get her phone number or address
- Don`t start talking suggestive and try touching her
Let me tell you a quick anecdote: I was just on a cruise to Mexico, and I
met a cute Asian gal at our dinner table. I was not interested in her
initially, and I know for a fact that I acted more interested in my dinner
than her conversation.
The result? Every couple of minutes she asked a question about me. She asked
for my email, and sent me pictures and sent me her phone numbers (cell and
phone) with various hints about meeting up with her if I`m down in L.A.
soon. And, honestly, she wasn`t very interested at first in me, until I made
it clear I wasn`t hitting on her.
Most guys give up their game right away with a good looking woman.
Now, a lot of guys already realize this about themselves, but they lack a
critical tool in their utility belt to help them cope with it. They need a
tool that will help them keep perspective when they first talk to an
attractive woman.
The best way you can do this (and I believe this is a skill that comes
naturally with older men, if they`ve kept a healthy Alpha Male attitude) is
to IMAGINE THE FUTURE to get rid of this initial babe-shock intimidation.
What do I mean by this?
Think about the last `relationship` you had with a woman where you ended it.
What was the pattern?
1. You met her and you were excited. You had that tingle of new-ness - the
novelty.
2. You got her number and asked her out, and somehow you got her to accept.
3. You dated or met several times, there was a spark of interest (from at
least one of you.)
Somehow, you got her to keep seeing you, in spite of any wimpy,
approval-seeking behavior you may have demonstrated.
4. You kept seeing each other, and eventually got in the sack and bumped
uglies.
5. After a while of seeing each other, you felt the excitement you once had
start to cool off. She no longer intimidated you with her looks or the
prospect of sleeping with her. She didn`t seem as attractive. In many ways,
you got bored of her.
6. When the boredom got bad enough, and your interest in finding another
woman got high enough, you called it quits. (Or, she sensed your lack of
attention and interest and booted you out the door first.)
There`s a saying: "You show me the most beautiful woman in the world, and
I`ll show you a guy who`s tired of banging her."
Not very politically correct, I realize, but there`s a lot of truth in
there. Without an emotional attachment, most guys are ready to move on if
there isn`t anything new or novel to challenge them. Men have wanderlust
when it comes to women, and sex isn`t enough.
Women have evolved over the millennia to bond tightly with a man (for at
least 4 years) so that she could establish a stable support system if she
were to bear any children. She achieved her biological imperative by having
a baby and making sure she and the child would be able to survive.
The man, on the other hand, needed to satisfy his need to get his genes into
the next evolution by having sex with many women - since he could never be
sure a child was his. (Women are not as faithful as they would have you
believe.) By inseminating many women, he increased that probability. Women,
on the other hand, always know which baby is theirs, since they must carry
it for 9 months!
Okay, excuse the evolutionary biology, but you scientist eggheads out there
will understand what I`m getting at.
The bottom line of this is for you to take steps up front to keep from
falling into a trance or a spell just because a woman is hot. The trick is
to imagine all the things UP FRONT that got you to the step 5 and 6 in the
bored-of-her illustration I outlined above.
What aspects of her did you ignore or overlook with your starry-eyed
dreaming?
What were you thinking about that left you bored, disinterested, and just
plain not attracted to the woman you were seeing?
What was different when you finally got sick of her?
- The sex, even if it was good, was the SAME sex.
- You could see her faults and imperfections.
- You could see her bad habits and "ordinary-ness." (Yes, she has to poop
and fart, too. Not what you were thinking about when you met her, huh?)
- You could see how she`d age and grow old, and eventually she`d look like
one of the blue-hairs you always see at bingo with your mom.
- You no longer found yourself wanting or needing her approval.
- Your mind started focusing on the REALITY of the situation with her as
opposed to the FANTASY.
Now, if you think about all these unromantic realities when you first meet
an attractive woman and you`ll short-circuit a lot of the glamour and
illusion. You`ll also stop a lot of that wimpy approval-seeking behavior. In
some circles this is called aversion therapy, and it`s very effective.
Imagine her sitting on the toilet. Or what she`ll look like in 30 years or
so, with blue hair.
(One of the best ways I found to use this was when I had to break up with a
hot girlfriend who was a total head case. This was back when I was young and
easily obsessed. Every time I felt my mind slipping back to thinking about
her or missing her, I imagined seeing her puking all over herself. Nasty,
huh? But it WORKED, because I soon couldn`t have cared less about her. My
mind was repulsed with her memory, and so she was soon forgotten.)
EVERY woman becomes ordinary after a while. It might take a week, a month,
or a year, but it WILL happen. The sooner you see the future and that she`s
just another person (okay, maybe a good looking one with breasts), the
sooner you can get to the place where your aloofness will work to your
favor. You can then focus your energy on your posture and presentation,
while NOT getting all giggly and wimpy.
What you`re trying to do is get your mind and emotions back under your
control in the present moment so that you can get to a place where you can
deal with an attractive woman effectively.
Carlos Xuma
