How to Meet Great Women

There’s a secret to not only finding great women but also handling yourself well in their presence – and that’s to know exactly who you are and what you want out of life.

It sounds simple, I know, but it’s not. It’s actually a deep, true road very unlike much of the simplistic, singularly focused dating advice out there on the Internet right now that behaves as if every man is looking for the exact same kind of generic “sexy” woman. This road is a process not instant success, and actually takes growing up and truly becoming a man to make it happen – which is not what many people want to hear in our quick fix, instant gratification, fast food nation.

But I’m not here to give you guys quick fixes, I’m here to give you the tools that will help you radically change and improve your lives – but only if you’ve got the courage, the focus and the tenacity to make it happen. I have faith, however, you’re out there because every week I receive emails like the following:

"Hey Melissa,

I was reading your relationship tips on seductiononline.com and I would just like to tell you how insightful your advice is. The advice that you give is so beyond some of the other advice on the site. A lot of that just seems like some new way to trick a girl into liking you. For me personally, putting up fronts like this is "energy consuming" and makes it harder for the girl to get to know who you really are. It`s good to know that a great personality can actually be used to attract women. Anyway, as for my question...

After going up to an attractive girl merely to compliment her, where is the best way to guide the conversation to let her feel comfortable and to get to know her better? And if I`m interested, when does it feel right for her to want to give me her number, or to want to go out some time?

Much Thanks, Reno"

I’m also starting to receive quite a bit of mail from men asking where the heck the “quality” women are, the interesting, grounded, intelligent women as opposed to the pretty young things that just care about what sort of car a guy drives.

My answer to you all is to figure out exactly who you are and what you want and you’ll begin to find the right sort of women, in fact, they’ll start appearing as if by magic. But just how do your figure yourself out?


Follow Your Passion/Follow Your Bliss

Yeah, I know, you may have to work a day job you really don’t like just to pay the bills but that doesn’t mean you can’t follow your dreams anyway. And really, if you want to meet women who are really right for you you’ve got to, it’s the only way to meet women who “get” you, who understand what you’re about, who’ll enjoy the uniqueness of you.

But how do you begin if you’ve kept everything deep and buried? Ah, that’s where the wonderful world (and really, it is the world) of the Internet comes in. On friends sites like myspace.com and friendster.com you can find all sorts of people (both men and women) who are interested in the same things you are – from films, to art, to photography, to music, to sports – you name it. With millions of members you have the world of people at your fingertips if only you’ll take the time to do the research. It’s amazing how the false fronts and stiff exteriors you put up slip away and you become natural and easy around those with whom you share similar tastes and philosophies.

I can’t stress this enough, when you reach out and educate yourself about your passions and interests, when your become someone who has that “spark” about them of enjoying their life, you’ll find speaking to the women you’re attracted to so much easier.

So of course continuing education is a must. Luckily for us for just about every passion there are evening classes, or seminars, or workshops you can take from the very introduction to rubbing elbows with the best of the best – it doesn’t matter if your passion is cooking, calligraphy, or the yearning to sale around the world. And the wonderful thing about taking classes is that in most cases the women out number the men. So if you’ve got the guts and the gumption to get out and learn about the secret passions of your soul you’ll likely also be rewarded with mucho female company while you do it – all while the rest of the unhappy in love men out there sit on their couches flipping channels.


Be Aware of Your Bad Habits & Achilles Heels

We all have bad habits; it’s one of those things that make us human. But some of us have bad habits that really shoot us in the foot, that literally keep us from enjoying life. Whether it’s shyness, or apathy (which could be signs of a serious depression that needs medical attention), or laziness, or being a workaholic, if it’s to the point that it over shadows your life you’ve got to take control and get your life back. If you’re so tied to your family that you don’t have a social life, or you’ve got a social life that sucks because your friends are totally boring, or shallow, or using you for your generosity and shoulder to cry on, you’ve got to do what it takes to get your life back and on the right course towards being with people who like you and inspire you. You have to.

And you have to learn to step back and observe when you get into crushes or actual relationships with women who are absolutely no good for you at all. How do you know this is the case? Because you call her far more than she calls you, and she only calls you when she needs something. Because you don’t feel happy and at ease with her, you feel anxious and annoyed and you want to try and fix things so that she’ll behave finally in a way that will make you happy. Because you want to save her, or teach her how to have a better life and she just doesn’t seem that interested in your fantastic advice. Because she takes you for granted and finally, and on reflection, you realize she reminds you of the negative aspects of a relationship you’ve had with one of your parents.

You can’t fix the past with current relationships – you can only fix you right here and right now.


Get Clear on the Life You Want

What sort of life do you really want? Do you want a wife and kids and a white picket fence ASAP, or do you want to travel the world with your soul mate? Do you want to be an entrepreneur and work side by side with a life partner, or do you want to be the breadwinner and be able to provide for your family in a way that allows your wife to stay home? It’s all possible if you choose to make it happen, and by getting clear on the life you want to create for yourself you’re going to start getting very clear on the right sort of woman for you.

Too often we go for people we have some physical desire for, but have nothing in common with, and then scratch our heads in dismay because it didn’t work. I’m not saying for a moment that you don’t need to physically desire a possible mate – I totally believe you do – but it’s also critical that you take into account your moral values, your interests, your beliefs, and yes, even your spiritual faith.

Getting clear on all of these important points will literally clarify your filters. You will naturally begin to seek out those who share your opinions, beliefs, ideas, etc. – but this will only happen if you get very clear on just who you are and what’s right for you.

And when you do, meeting the right women will come naturally.