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Men's Dating Tips >
Is She Only After Your Money?
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Is She Only After Your Money?
By Melissa Balmer
Copyright © 2006, Seduction Insider, www.seductioninsider.com.
My personal goal here at SeductionInsider.com is to keep in touch with the challenges men are really facing in meeting and getting to know women. Recently one of our readers shared the problem below. Reading what he had to say, I realize I`ve heard this complaint from men frequently and decided it was time to address the situation at length. Here`s what "Q Ripple" had to say:
"I`ve always been able to turn a certain type woman on. And it`s getting to be a bit boring. Most of the women I`ve met lately seem to be only interested in someone if they have a lot of money. It doesn`t seem to matter if you are good looking or anything like that, the conversation always lead to how much money I make. Now, don`t get me wrong, I do make pretty good money (upper middle class) and I don`t mind spending money to have a good time with a woman, but I don`t want to attract women like that. It`s too simple and easy to do. I want to attract a woman`s emotions. So my question is: How do I avoid the money conversations/situations and turn them into emotional experiences that really touch the woman`s heart."
Does this sound familiar? Okay, first off, before you decide that all the women you`re attracted to are cold hearted scheming money mongers, it`s time to take a look at your own behavior and what you may be doing to set this situation up:
Are You Expecting One Behavior From Women And Another From Yourself?
In wanting to get ahead have you focused so much on money and success that you`ve let your other passions and interests fade from view? Are you expecting the women in your life to be the "rounding out" influence? Are you expecting them to bring the fun and sex and art and culture to your life when you`ve ignored it yourself? Like attracts like my good fellows. If you want to find interesting, well rounded women who care more about you than your paycheck, then you need to be interesting and well rounded yourself.
The Women May Be Mirroring You
You may be setting up how women respond to you without even realizing it. If you come across as a real "go getter", a man really on the move--who`s going someplace with his career--the women you`re attracted to might be mirroring you. They might be talking to you about the things they feel you`re interested in (because that`s what you`ve been talking about)…money and success. The next time you find yourself in a conversation with a woman that`s all about money money money, try changing the topic and see what happens. If you change the topic to something else you`re passionate about, say helping disadvantaged children learn to read, or the most beautiful place you`ve ever been on vacation, and she turns the conversation back to the newest BMW convertible, well, it may be time to find another woman to chat up.
To avoid attracting women who are only interested in money and success tone down your own bragging rights. Yep, men love to talk themselves up, LOVE to let women know how well they`re doing in the world, how they`re setting it on fire, blah blah blah. So chill with the congratulating self talk and instead engage women in conversation about other topics than money and success. You`ll separate the wheat from the chaff, the women who`re only interested in money will quickly become bored and of course, you with them.
You May Be Choosing the Wrong Women
Think for a bit about the last several women you were attracted to. What was it about them that you found so attractive? If you come up with her chic fantastic hair style rather than her beautiful face, or her amazing La Perla lingerie collection rather than her amazing body, guess what…you`re part of the problem. You`re attracted to the fashion accoutrements a woman wears, not really the woman herself. You may have a bad case of fashion media overload. You may be programmed by Gucci and Prada right now, not by your own hormones. I`m not saying for a moment that appreciation for the latest fashion is something to be ashamed of—however--when following the latest fashion becomes such a big part of your life that you`re attracted to women just because they look like they just walked out Vogue you`ve got a problem.
The cure? Stop reading magazines for a couple of weeks, even the ones with hot babes. It`s time to get back to who you`re really attracted to, not who the media tells you is attractive. Slowly, slyly (you don`t want to be thought of as a stalker) start checking out all kinds of women and note what you find attractive about them. When it`s their cheekbones and asses and breasts rather than their handbags and shoes and watches you know you`re beginning to be your real heterosexual self again!
Expand Your Horizons, Hang Out at New Places
You may now be at a place in life where you can afford fine dining to going to great clubs with drinks the price you use to pay for a meal. Congratulations! The problem is that the hotter the club or restaurant, the more it attracts women just looking for a man with a deep wallet to keep them in the state of luxury they`ve grown accustomed to. If this is happening to you it`s time to mix it up your social scene a bit. If you want to attract an interesting, well rounded, intelligent woman who cares about more than her own bank account it`s time to become a well rounded intelligent man who cares about more than his.
If you`re really interested in fine dining or wine tasting take a class in either--you have a much better chance of meeting a woman who`s really interested in fine cuisine for the art of it and not just to find someone to take her out to five star restaurants. Love music? Check out the live music scene of your favorite type of music rather than going to dance clubs as it attracts the true fans.
When was the last time you volunteered for anything? Don`t just run out and volunteer to volunteer, choose something you`re really passionate about. Care about the environment? Plant some trees! Support public radio? They always need volunteers to man the phone during pledge drives. Care about the homeless? It`s the holiday season men; there are canned food drives everywhere…and everywhere there are people volunteering you`ll find passionate interesting women. They may not, however, look like a fashion model.
Expand Your Horizons, Look With Fresh Eyes
There are interesting, fun, passionate women everywhere…but just as you may not always have been the smoothest operator; wonderful women might not always look the way you`ve decided the women you want to date need to look. No, I`m not saying bring down your standards, I`m saying look with new eyes. You may be drawn to the wrapping, not the real woman. You may look at a woman and see great hair, great nails, great body, great outfit, and fantastic red toenails and think "Wow"! Maybe. But maybe all she knows how to do is pull herself together well.
If you want a woman with heart, with passion, with intelligence start looking with eyes that have heart, passion and intelligence. Notice all kinds of women in the age range you`re interested in. There are great women in the grocery store, the bookstore, your local coffee shop, the gym. They may not have on the sharpest outfit, or have their hair fixed "just so"--but maybe that`s only because it`s a busy day and they have other things on their minds. Do you like her smile, her shape, her laugh? Why not take a chance and try to get into a conversation with her? Chances are she`ll clean up great for a date! If she dresses for an evening out with you in a way that doesn`t quite impress you, but you had a great time anyway, hey, you can always take her shopping!
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