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Men's Dating Tips >
Lust
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"L" Is For LUST
By Melissa Balmer
Copyright © 2006, Seduction Insider, www.seductioninsider.com.
Have you ever noticed how the people you lust after arrive in waves? Day after day goes by and no one shows up who catches your attention, or inspires your desire, and then “bam” you look across campus, or out of your car window, or across a crowded club and your eyes hit on a stranger you’d just love to get to know better right now.
You want to rip her clothes off in a fury of mutual passion...
Lust Shakes Even The Coolest Cats
Unfortunately for most of us along with that feeling of lust, of longing and desire, also comes the embarrassment for having such thoughts about a stranger (of course this is more often the case in women than men), and awkwardness lest they guess we’ve already got them half way undressed in our minds. Even the coolest cat can feel completely uncoordinated mentally and physically when the L word raises its havoc inducing head. All because it can feels exactly like you have been shot by cupid’s arrow.
We know that nothing scares off a prospective lover more than the obvious overwhelming lust of another. We’ve watched our friends crash and burn from this, our family members, and yes, even ourselves – but when lust hits us the very first thought that hits us is that we must take action now fast and furiously. She`s mine. I`ve got to have her.
This, however, is exactly when we must slow down and get a grip before taking action or we’re likely to mentally slip on the proverbial banana peel and make a complete idiot out of ourselves. Here, therefore, is an action plan to move yourself forward into making contact without giving in to lust and blowing it:
Take at least three deep, slow, breaths and calm down – especially if your heart is now pounding in your ears. Control your lust.
Step outside of yourself and imagine the situation as if you were advising your best friend. You wouldn’t advise them to run up to Miss/Mr. Wonderful and spew unintelligible sentences at them, nor would you tell them to run the other direction. What you’d do is help them figure out an action plan – so do it.
Remember this new great person is just that, a person, not a God, and probably not a celebrity (although there is a possibility if you live in N.Y. or L.A.). Why shouldn’t they want to get to know you better? You’re a great person too.
Remember that this person is a stranger and doesn’t have the key to your inner psyche, nor have they witnessed every embarrassing moment you’ve ever experienced. They have no idea how bad you looked at your prom, or the fact that you didn’t lose your virginity until your second year of college, and they certainly don’t know that you, just like the first President Bush, threw up in front of a group of people at a very wrong time.
Control Your Lust
Now that you’ve built yourself up, however, it’s time to make sure your lust isn’t visible. No one likes to have a stranger make doe eyes or drool over them, it’s really creepy. Don’t approach until both your actual and mental fly are zipped and your actual and mental tongue are no longer hanging out. No matter how much so many men feel otherwise, a man’s obvious lust for a very hot, sexy woman does not automatically induce her lust for him, not in a bar, not on the dance floor, and not even in the bedroom. In other words, chill. If you act like a deer in the headlights the woman is probably going to leave you dead by the side of the road.
On the other hand don’t talk yourself out of approaching an attractive stranger because you assume they’re being badgered to death for dates. Attractive and sexy are in the eye of the beholder. Who you think is fabulous is not always what every other guy/girl wants. Secondly, even those who are considered “hot and sexy” by the majority of folks don’t always have a “hot and sexy” love life because very attractive people are often intimidating to others. You may have a chance because you’re got the courage to try.
Use a question to start a conversation. If you’re on campus you can ask directions to a particular class or lecture. If they’re holding a book you recognize but haven’t read, ask if they’re enjoying it, or obviously tell them if you have read it and enjoyed it. If you’re a tourist in the town ask if they can recommend a favorite restaurant or bar (if they’re open and friendly ask if you can meet them there for a drink).
Cloaking Your Lust
Make strong eye contact with them but don’t stare, and do your best not to look nervous.
Offer a compliment with a very casual “I just thought you should know” attitude. This works really great in passing by someone you know you’re going to run into frequently (for example you know they have a class across from you every Thursday). You might say, for example “those are really cool glasses.” Please note this type of compliment doesn’t invade their space like “I can’t sleep at night because all I see are your beautiful blue eyes.”
If this beautiful stranger is someone you’re going to see regularly give the compliment and move on. Keep some mystery. Create some intrigue. And yes, girls can compliment guys – but again keep the tone light as if giving compliments is the easiest, most natural thing in the world for you.
If you don’t think you’ll ever see the person again go ahead and ask for their number, email, or if you can go ahead and meet for coffee. Meeting for coffee is much less invasive than asking to pick them up for dinner.
The Lust Payoff
Once you’ve gotten your answer, whether yes or no, smile and take your leave. Don’t ruin a “yes” answer by wearing out your welcome, again keep the mystery and intrigue. Remember seduction -- you’re a busy person with things to do (even if you aren’t it’s best not to give the impression you have nothing but time on your hands and nothing but them to think about).
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