Making Time For Making Love

And this sets up a sad snow ball effect – the more we forget to make time for it, the more out of practice we get, and the more out of practice we get, the less we feel “in-the-mood,” and the less “in-the-mood” we feel the farther and farther back in importance we push one of the very things that makes a romantic relationship so special. And all of a sudden weeks and months can go by and neither one of you have remembered to have sex.

Or, perhaps even sadder, one of you has totally forgotten about making love, but the other hasn’t, and is beginning to feel resentful, and annoyed, and frustrated because his/her overtures in that direction have gone unheeded.

So how can the two of you get back on the path to both “feeling in the mood” and remember to “make time to make love?”


Remember The Importance of Making Love

One of the reasons it’s all too easy to put almost everything else ahead of sex is that after the first blush of romance fades, and you’re flung into creating an “every day” life with your partner, it can feel like an extravagance you can rarely afford. That’s because we’re all too eager (especially women) to make time for work related events, family and friends, but we often feel selfish setting aside time to be “just” with our romantic partner and not doing some sort of chore while we’re at it.

But here’s the deal – quality romantic time with your partner, where you’re able to relax and have fun and be physically close is one of the most important things to keeping your relationship happy and close and alive. You need to set aside time for it, you need to pencil it in first before your work, and family and friends take up every spare moment.


Call A Truce in the Bedroom

Couples argue, they have disagreements, and they see the world differently. But the couples who last are those who can set aside their differences and still have fun together. If a grudge you’re harboring is keeping you from having sex with your partner and it’s not about a major situation (infidelity, lying, using household money for a large personal item) that you feel is putting your relationship in jeopardy than leave it at the bedroom door and understand you can discuss it tomorrow.


Be Open About What you need to Experience Pleasure

If it’s been awhile since you’ve made love and you’ve been avoiding it because you haven’t been enjoying it, stop and take the time to be brave and share what you need in order to feel the pleasure you’re longing to feel. Do you need more foreplay? A lighter touch? More adventure? Some imagination? Whatever it is, be brave and share it up front before you hit the bedroom. Give your partner time to absorb the information and think of how he/she can help make this happen. But remember your partner is your partner, so while they certainly are a big part of helping you achieve sexual pleasure it’s not their job to hand it to you on a silver platter – especially if you haven’t clued them in.


Ignite Passion by Awakening your Sensuality

If it’s been a long time since you’ve felt sexy and in the mood for love give yourself some time to ease into it. For example, you might sit down with your lover and plan an evening together three weeks in advance so that you have time to really get in the mood by then.

And how are you going to get in the mood to make love again? You’re going to take the time to reconnect with your body. If you’ve been way too sedentary of late get out and take a nice brisk walk for half an hour (even if you have to fit it in at lunch), take long bubble baths, get a massage, make better eating choices (whole fruits and vegetables over fast foods) and practice the simple yoga technique of taking some time (even five minutes) to sit quietly by yourself, without distractions, to close your eyes and follow your slow, even breathing.


Ignite your Imagination, Now Make Love

The mind is the largest sex organ so use it to your advantage. What have you found sexy in the past that can help put you in the right frame of mind now? Is there an old favorite sexy book or movie like Bull Durham that always does it for you? Is it something you can share with your lover? How about reading to each other something erotic such as the Anais Nin classis “Little Birds,” or trying one of Sounds Erotic’s sexy short stories on audio (yes, yours truly has penned one of the stories) to help you steam things up.

Note to men, yes we know you love your porn but be careful when sharing it with your gal. It’s often best to ease women into explicit visual sexual material slowly. Why? Well for one thing porn is still usually made by and for men and so a woman’s pleasure isn’t really taken into account (yeah, I know you don’t want to hear this, but those actresses are acting. They may be having intercourse but they’re rarely ever actually having orgasms) and what you think looks hot and sexy, might look painful and abusive to your woman. So if you want you’re her to watch something to get into the mood with you try soft core first.

Finally, use anticipation to really get each other going. Share sexy thoughts and fantasies via email about making love together. Surprise your lover with your vivid imagination and creativity. Tell each other how much you look forward to getting naked together again. Compliment each other, notice the lost pounds, the new haircut, and appreciate kind words and deeds. Call each other at work for very brief chats just to tell each other how much you’re looking forward to Saturday night – and guess what? By the time Saturday night rolls around you really will be ready to tear each other’s clothes off.