Mixed Signals: Men, Does She Really Like You?

There’s that interesting girl who was sending me mixed signals some when she was drunk, and others when she was sober. When she was drunk, she hugged me and bit my neck – One time she hugged me and made it clear to me that the other guy she was with is just a friend. What`s with these mixed signals?

When she was sober, she is very normal, like we are just neighbors. She is aware of her actions.

Once I left her some flowers on her door (10 yellow, 2 red) with a friendship greeting card in which I wrote: “I love the way you smile, keep on smiling” (because she had a few bad moods lately).

She called me back right away, and I couldn’t pick up, so she left a message asking me to call her back and I’m lucky that she is leaving a message on my phone because she usually never leaves messages. I called her back and she said that she wants to meet me. I met her and basically she said that if there’s anything more than friendship, it needs to stop now. So, more mixed signals...

I was positive and accepted her friendship. But inside of me I’m very interested in her (her and not her pants). I stayed in touch with her for another week or so. New Year’s day, I called her and wished her a happy new year. That was my last call because I felt that it was unfair that I always called her but she never called me. I ignored her for about a week, no calls or eye contact. Last Saturday, she came to my pizzeria and picked up an order and said hi to me, taking in consideration that I was busy. A friend of mine, who was there, had a short talk with her and called her Heartbreaker.

5 minutes later, she calls me at the store - and not my cell phone from which I always called her cell phone – and asked to talk to me. I met her in the entrance of the building and she was nervous, and she basically asked me if she broke my heart and she is sorry if she did so, and she never meant it and so on and said “I still want your friendship and you can’t love me for the fact that you don’t know me enough and now I don’t have anything to give you." This time she was looking in my eyes straight because she never had been able to look in my eyes before, so I asked her why she can look me in the eyes this time. Her answer was that she doesn’t know.

Dear Melissa, what do you think? I never been so attached to a person like that before and I want to get to her or at least understand what is going on with all these mixed signals. Are there any signs that I should watch closely? Or probably anything I need to figure out or analyze to know if she is trying to keep it friendship until she knows me enough? Dr Neder, another writer on SeductionInsider.com, advised me to drop her, that’s his point of view as a male, but I prefer to listen to a female’s opinion.

I’m not experienced with women, I’m 23 but I had dates for relationships before that I dropped because I didn’t have enough confidence and had been uncomfortable with other women emotionally.

I do appreciate your help. Thanks in advance.

B.B.

Melissa answers:

Dear B.,

Interpreting a woman`s mixed signals is a challenging situation. I have no idea what`s going on with this girl but she sounds as if she`s going through a tough time and you need to handle her with caution. She has been very clear that she feels she has nothing to offer to you right now. Regardless of what you feel about her, you need to honor that that is exactly the situation right now.

It could, however, change in the future. So, here is my suggestion. Do not make yourself her doormat. No more flowers. No more calls for awhile. You know that she`ll be coming in to your pizzeria so leave it at that for a few weeks. Ask yourself why you like her so much and get very clear in your answers. If you like her because of the drama, because of the mixed signals, and because you want to save her you really need to walk away. Take your time to figure it out.

What is it about her you like? Is it her appearance, her personality, her sense of humor, her intelligence?

If you find that there are many aspects of her personality that you like you still need to sit back and wait for the right opportunity to talk to her straight. Don`t try and talk to her when she`s drunk. If you don`t have the opportunity to talk to her in another month at your work give her a call and tell her you`d like to meet for coffee and understand better what`s she`s going through. You are NOT going to become her shoulder to cry on, you`re just gathering information about what`s really going on.

If she won`t meet with you then you really need to put her on the back burner and open your eyes and look for other less troubled girls to spend some time with. Look for a woman who is clear in what she wants, and has the consideration not to send mixed signals. It sounds like you have a good heart, but if you wear it on your sleeve you`ll only end up being the friend, or worse, taken advantage of.

Good luck and thanks for writing!

Melissa