By Grant Day
Copyright © 2006, Seduction Insider, www.seductioninsider.com.
There are two kinds of men in the world, those who make their sexual fantasies happen in real time and those who don’t. Here’s the blunt truth about most men and our sex lives. Most of us are just too lazy or timid to make what happens in our imagination come to life. We let the easy proliferation of sex in the media stir our libidos – but usually only as long as it takes the deed to get done, quick and efficiently by our own hand.
Guys, this ain’t living, this ain’t living.
Oh sure, we have plenty of sexual fantasies (at least those of us who are still alive and kicking do) but most of us leave them as just that, never realizing that the wild and crazy thoughts that entertain us to “all too brief” bliss can also be used to create a more interesting and hot sex life right here in three-d reality.
But here’s the rub:
1. We have to take responsibility to make our fantasies happen.
2. We have to recognize the fantasies that can really play out in real time vs. those best left in our heads.
3. We have to be clear with our lover about “what’s in it for her”. What are her sexual fantasies?
4. We have to be flexible enough to recognize that once they start to be played out in real time they take on a life of their own – and that’s okay.
Making Fantasies Happen
In the fantasy movies that play in our head the only thing we’re responsible for is being there and being ready. Unfortunately this isn’t true in real life – at least most of the time. The sooner you make peace with the fact that you have to be the instigator of making your fantasies come to life the sooner they will.
Once, however, you accept that this is a project you want to make happen the R&D can be a riot. You’ll begin to see a whole new world of erotic possibilities right in front of you in day to day life that you never considered before. Desks, elevators, day hikes, romantic dinners, your lover’s trip to the lady’s room…all of them are seen in the new light of matching the sets where action takes place in your head.
Be willing to have the majority of the fantasy worked out before presenting the idea to you lover. And once you do present the idea to your lover give her time to get use to the idea. No one likes to be expected to play out another’s fantasy at the drop of the hat – and no one likes the heavy weight of expectation. This isn’t something she’s doing for you to rock your world – this is something you’re going to do together to have a rollicking good time.
Presenting the idea of playing out a fantasy can be tricky so the more you let her know that it’s the idea of doing this with her that turns you on, rather than just doing it at all, the better off you’ll be. Contemplating your fantasy and how to make it happen with your lover is also a great way to engage our largest sex organ – the brain. Just the conversations the two of you will have over the logistics will probably put you in the mood for sex.
Some Fantasies Aren’t For Reality
A friend of mine was once asked to play the dominatrix role for her lover, however, he was very clear that if she wasn’t going to “do it right” he didn’t want it to happen at all. The problem is that at the time she was very naïve about the whole BDSM world and didn’t have a clue about what being a dominatrix involved except that it would be a pretty sexy outfit. He wasn’t willing to fill her in. He wanted his fantasy handed to him on a silver platter without even clear explanations of what it entailed.
If your fantasy is full of rules and regulations that you’ve culled from literature, porn and your own imagination, and then developed and fine tuned over the years, you can’t expect your lover to jump enthusiastically into this world without some serious prep time. Even if your fantasy is pretty basic BDSM you can’t assume she knows and understands (and is interested in) that world unless you’ve already discussed it openly.
Other fantasies just aren’t physically feasible at all, and some aren’t because they haven’t taken a woman’s comfort into consideration. Before asking a lover to partake of your fantasy to screw her on the hood of your new Mustang convertible you might want to consider the temperature the hood of the car will be at the time.
Just What Does She Get Out of It?
Yes, your fantasy is your fantasy but that doesn’t mean you can be a selfish idiot about the whole thing. You’ve got to make sure your lover’s going to have a good time too. Almost any woman can surprise you with her kinky side – as long as she knows you’re going to totally appreciate and reciprocate her efforts. Be smart and start slow as the two of you work up your nerve and bravado. And play fair. Either make sure to incorporate her pleasure into the “act” or be willing to trade off fantasy for fantasy. If she’s willing to go down on you in an alley outside of your favorite club than you’d better be willing to do whatever the heck it is she wants (as long as it doesn’t harm either one of you).
Being Flexible
Once a sexual fantasy moves to become a reality it will no longer match what played in your head frame per frame. It shouldn’t matter because the goal is to have an experience that’s so amazingly hot you can’t believe it’s your life. Also, shit happens and you’ve got to take it in stride with humor. If you get caught up in everything being “perfect” you’re going to miss out on the moment, the excitement, and the bonding with you lover.
