Still A Virgin? Lose Your Virginity

Dear Melissa:

Thank you for your forwardness in your columns. Indeed, thanks to all the contributors of SeductionInsider.com.

I`m a 22-year-old male who wants to get into the dating scene after a time of terrible ignorance. However, I`m afraid I`m in an extremely disadvantageous position at this point of my life to land and keep that beautiful, interesting and intelligent dream girl whom I always dreamt of: I still live with my parents, am very much in the red financially speaking, and living from a sort of welfare (thankfully I live in The Netherlands).

That`s not all: in my communication with other people, I tend to stutter the first few words and some in the middle of the sentence. Again, that isn`t all either: I have PDD-NOS (sort of autistic disorder).

And no, that`s not all yet: Most painful is, I don`t have any really good friends. I know some people, but mostly very shallow. It`s because of PDD-NOS that I live off from welfare, and probably because of it haven`t had any good friends nor had a girlfriend thus far. I miss the art of delicate communication and relationship development-skills. So, I don`t really know where to get a good wingman nor whether this dream girl will stay after learning I have no friends, no money and still live with my parents... if she`ll ever be cool with my stuttering, that is.

Could being a virgin at my age pose an obstacle to a girl, if it was for a one-night-stand for example? And relationship-wise? I don`t know about you, but it is the way I was born. I don`t consider myself a hopeless case (or a loser for that matter) because I`m determined to mount this challenge of my life and reach the summit.

I want to live the sort of life I imagine myself to have and of course the girl I dream of. I don`t want anything less. Of course it wouldn`t hurt if she also happened to be mega-loaded. Maybe you know someone?

What do you think?

Sincerely,

Rod

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Hi Rod:

Thank you so much for writing to me. Two things I want to congratulate you on right from the start are your great attitude and your excellent use of the English language (even if you’re an American abroad your writing skills are much better than many young Americans).

Okay, there’s no use beating around the bush. You have some real challenges to face, but no, they’re not insurmountable as long as you have a willingness to continue to both learn and to apply your new found knowledge.

Being a virgin at your age is absolutely nothing to be ashamed of, nor is it an obstacle unless you make it one by allowing any embarrassment over how you feel about it keep you from finding ways to meet new people, and especially women.

I’m going to share with you here a three-pronged approach in creating a more interesting life for yourself:

Follow Your Passions to Friendships & A More Interesting Life

Right now I think friends of both sexes are even more important than finding a girlfriend. Why? Because they’re going to help you build the foundation of an interesting life that you enjoy and once you really enjoy your life you’re going to exude the kind of energy that’s naturally attractive to women. And, of course, once you have a group of good friends it’s going to be all that much easier to meet women to date through them.

You sound like a very bright young man. I’m sure you have many interests. My suggestion is to dig deep into them and learn all you can about your few favorites. Read everything you can about them, join online discussion groups, and clubs. I know books are expensive and you’re on a limited budget, however, but libraries are wonderful resources, and of course you can buy good used books online as well.

One of the best ways not to feel self-conscious is to be focused passionately on something beyond yourself. Being passionately interested in a topic (whether it’s rock climbing or saving the environment) is also a great way to meet the sort of friends you’ll really have something in common with rather than just having gone to school together. Also, friend sites like Myspace.com (which is free) are also great ways to make friends with people all over the world, and the more people you expose yourself to the more you’re going to find with interesting things in common with you.

Become An Advocate For Better Understanding And Treatment of PDD-NOS

As I’m sure you know Autism is still very poorly understood. My knowledge of it is very limited as well, but I do know enough to know that they’re starting to make some interesting breakthroughs to understanding and treating it better. It’s crucial that you, as an intelligent young person, educate yourself as much as possible about your disorder. It’s amazing the resources one can find online. I’m sure you can also join organizations or groups of others who either have a similar situation as yours, or are the family and support groups for others who are far more disabled.

The important thing is that you realize you’re not alone in facing such a tough challenge. To the outside world I look like the picture of health, but if I didn’t take four different medications every day I’d have a migraine that would be so severe I’d be bedridden. Also, the medication allows me to function but all of them have the side effect of fatigue, so I have to be very careful. But moving slower led me to finally trying my hand at writing about five years ago, which led me to the Internet, which led me to making all sorts of friends online who were amazingly supportive of my condition, and also to writing for Seduction Insider.

Who knows what exciting adventures becoming an advocate for PDD-NOS could lead you to?

Join Toastmasters or Take a Public Speaking Course

Yes, stuttering is tough, but anyone worthwhile isn’t going to hold it against you, and becoming a trained, interesting public speaker is a fantastic way to overcome almost all of our fears in facing the public. Toastmasters Int. is an American organization, however, I do believe they have groups in Europe as well. Also, it’s quite inexpensive to join.

If you can’t find a Toastmaster’s group, you might be able to find a local course or online organization to help you.

Tying It All Together

Rod, it’s said that “that which doesn’t kill us makes us stronger” and it really is true. It’s also true that our challenges give us our uniqueness and build a stronger character. Your attitude is already moving you in the right direction. Keep learning, keep growing, and keep reaching out.

Yes it’s tough to be on a very limited budget (I know this one well), and to possibly have to live with your parents much longer than you’d like to but this doesn’t have to be a reason women aren’t going to find you appealing. The most important thing is that you begin to put together a plan for yourself for what you want to accomplish in the future. It’s also crucial that you allow yourself to take baby-steps when necessary, not expecting yourself to run before you can walk. Meeting the woman of your dreams can’t happen if you’re not okay yet with chatting with girls online, then meeting for coffee.

Could you have one-night stands once you start getting out and following your interests and passions? Yes, but here’s the thing – one night stands aren’t going to teach you much about being a great lover, or even a good one – but a relationship with a woman who’s willing to be open, and honest and let you know what she wants, and you sharing the same with her, will.

All the very best to you and good luck!