Swinging for Beginners

We asked longtime AFF member LolaEvents2 to tell us a little about herself, her swingers resource site, and the fabulous swingers parties she regularly throws in New York City.

Tell us a bit about yourself and what you do.

My name is Lola. I've been a member of AFF since the 90s. The first time I came across the AFF network, I was instantly intrigued. The site is intoxicating. As a member of other various sites BEFORE we found AFF, my husband and I found that many of the online communities can be a huge waste of time. It can be very discouraging to sift through all the fakes and find places and events to safely meet the like-minded adults we were in search of. Through our years of trial and error with many other online social networks, as well as my experience as a ghost writer and sex advice columnist for various sites- my husband and I decided to create a reference site that would help the average person like ourselves. We launched www.HedoOnline.com so other people could use our portal to not only find the best places to pursue their adult endeavors but also be an educated consumer and not make the same monetary mistakes we made as newbies. No one ever wants to waste money.



Tell us about your parties.

Since our readership has grown, we throw a select number of not-for-profit events a year, or "erotic episodes" as we like to call them. So our readers can collectively come together and meet their online friends. You can meet a whole spectrum of folks from AFF online, but when it comes to meeting in person, many people get nervous and bail. Our events provide a public safe meeting place for you to rendezvous with your "online interest." No meeting in an uncomfortable place, no being stuck in a disastrous date. You're in a common meeting place with other like-minded adults who find your sexuality acceptable. And if you find out you don't have chemistry with someone, it's not a wasted evening - simply excuse yourself to mingle with other people... Or just sit back and be stimulated by all the entertainment and eye candy. We've been fortunate enough to do our last couple of events with Penthouse. At our recent event, Sensory Overload, which was actually my birthday, history was made with the first Pet-on-Pet live performance by Justine Joli and Krista Ayne. Now, who's not going to stop whatever they are doing to watch such a stunning spectacle?! It's great to see the Penthouse Pets' fans excited to see them. We constantly get emails on how Dr Z, Krista Ayne and Justine Joli were so friendly to our guests and how it made their night to meet them.




Photos from one of Lola's recent parties.



What's your advice to AFF members who are curious about getting into swinging but don't know where to start?


Well, when it comes to the swing lifestyle I always suggest newbies take a "time out" to begin with. Take some time to really sit with yourself and be completely honest. You will need to think about what you want to do. Ask yourself:

· What are my desires?

· What are my boundaries?

· What am I willing to share?

· What do I need to keep sacred?


Then, define what you want out of your experience. Once you know what you want, you can design the most effective way for you to obtain that goal. Everyone's initial approach will vary depending on their personal preferences. If anyone has more specific advice inquires they are more than welcome to ask, or if they choose to seek advice anonymously they can always submit questions through my advice column on www.HedoOnline.com.


A frequently asked question we receive at AFF: "I really want to get my wife/husband/partner to try swinging - what should I do to convince them?"


Not a damn thing. Just joking! Actually, the basis of any strong successful relationship in the swing lifestyle always has a solid foundation of communication. First, one must prepare themselves for the variety of answers that your partner can come back with. Often times people are shocked by the answers they receive. I always say: "Prepare yourself for the most bizarre." That way you save the embarrassment of the "shocked face" when you get their answer. Which can bring sexy talk to an immediate hault.

Seriously though- Open up dialogue with your partner. Working in the sexy talk while in bed can be magical. As a rule people talk far more openly in bed when things are intimate. If you whisper into your husbands ear: " I want to see you with another woman " and his reaction is: "What hell is wrong with you!" That's your signal to stop in your tracks. Yet on the other hand, if he answers: "Yeah, so what does she look like?" Keep talking sister! He too will open up and through your passion filled playful talk, you'll learn what his desires are.

I NEVER suggest trying to "convince" anyone to swing, if it's not in their nature. No one wants to be pushed into a situation where they are not willing. Doing so is a recipe for failure, certain embarrassment and possibly an end to your relationship. Respect and communication is paramount in any successful relationship especially on your pursuit of pleasure with the swing lifestyle. What I do suggest is what I just mentioned: open up the dialogue.


Next week, tune in for Part Two when Lola tells you what to expect at a swingers event, and a few basic rules of etiquette to follow.


If you're in the New York City area, check out Lola's Valentine's Day Erotic Episode on Saturday, February 14th: www.HedoOnline.com