Teen Sex - What I Wish I Knew Then

Unlike Jen Sincero I wasn’t a late bloomer (neither was I getting it on with my tween compadres in Junior High either) but looking back at my own high school and college experiences and comparing that to what I see going on in teen sex these days I have to make the following announcement:


Teen Sex is Still Almost All About Hype

Do I mean teen sex isn’t happening? That the media has mislead us into believing teenagers are up to more than what they really are? No, it’s happening all right, but it doesn’t mean that what’s happening is doing teens much good. What’s usually happening is that teen sex is being used by the media to sell us an ideal (how to be cool if we’re young, how to capture our lost youth if we’re not so young) while in real teen day to day life sex ends up being about trying to fit in, trying to be popular, and manipulating others to do what you want in order to cement your popularity.

None of the above has anything at all to do with what’s real and fabulous about sex – the amazing pleasure and intimacy two people can have together.

Author Jen Sincero not only gave me the honest, frank quote I started off this article with, but when I asked her point blank “What do you think teens need to be especially aware of today about sex?” She gave the following wonderful answer:

“I think teens today need a sexual reality check. On one hand they`re being bombarded by T & A on MTV, magazines, video games, the Internet, everywhere really, and on the other hand they`re being told to save themselves for marriage. What the hell is a hormone to do? I would love to see something introduced into teen culture that portrayed sex as a natural, fun, organic act that should be treated with respect and maturity.”

Sadly in our amazing Internet “information at your fingertips” age teens aren’t necessarily any savvier about sex than they were twenty plus years ago when I was trying to figure it all out. That being the case, I’d like to spell out for you teens reading this what I really wish I had known as a teen:


Safe Teen Sex

1. If you can’t have an honest, open, conversation about birth control, past experiences, what you will and won’t do, and what you need and like in order to enjoy sex with a possible sex partner there’s no point in having sex – no matter how much your hormones are raging. Anyone who can’t talk about sex in advance in an open honest way isn’t the sort for you to be having sex with – and this is true whether you’re 16 or 66.

2. Oral sex and anal sex are sex just as much as intercourse is, and you’re just as likely to contract an STD from unprotected sex from oral or anal sex as you are from intercourse.

3. Guys need to be taught how to sexually please women; they aren’t given a “know all be all” booklet once they hit puberty. As obvious as it can be to the woman where her clitoris is it isn’t obvious to a guy. Neither is the kind of lighter touch the very sensitive clitoris needs in order to get buzzing and produce an orgasm. You have to both tell and guide by example what you need girls, he’s not a mind reader.

4. Enjoying sexual intercourse (especially teen girls) isn’t a given – sixty to eighty-five percent of women never orgasm from intercourse alone. Why is the number so high but it isn’t made a bigger fuss over? Because women are willing to lie about it. At first women lie because they don’t want to hurt a man’s feelings, and then they get so caught up in it they don’t know how to come clean and let the guy know that “it really wasn’t good for them at all.” Here’s the deal guys, women are excellent at faking orgasms. Never assume a woman’s had one ever. No matter how much she moans, and groans and wiggles, and digs her nails into your ass to make your go faster (a trick women use to get it over with more quickly). If you want her to actually experience orgasms with you during intercourse ask her if she ever has – before you ever have sex. Admit up front that you really want to know how to turn her on; that you’re willing to do whatever it takes. For some women it might mean trying different positions, but with many women it means that the clitoris is receiving constant attention during intercourse – whether it’s from your hand, her hand, a toy, etc. Knowing this going in is going to bring you out head and shoulders above the competition.

5.You being turned on by a girl does not necessarily turn a girl on. A girl may want to get to know you better, but just because she’s sexy, and hot looking, and it drives you crazy, doesn’t mean that she’s totally turned on, or going to be ready in a heart-beat the way you are. Women have complicated sexual engines that usually take a lot of attention to be fully ready and revved. She needs a lot of making out and foreplay before she’s ready to really get it on. And even is she gets nice and wet herself, you still may need plenty of extra water based lube to keep her sexual equipment greased up and feeling good.