By Melissa Balmer
Copyright © 2006, Seduction Insider, www.seductioninsider.com.
“Why do you go through so much effort to get our phone number… and then
don’t call?” – The #1 question women wanted answered by men
Recently I polled girlfriends, associates and any women who’d give me a response just what their top questions were that they had for men. I think you’ll find what they shared with me honest and enlightening. And guess what? You’re going to have the chance to respond on our message boards.
That’s right guys, after reading the questions and comments in this article we’d like you to post your thoughts to the Seduction Insider Forum and let us know your thoughts. I’ll select several of them to share with you next week.
So let’s get to it. Just what would women like to know about men? Here you go:
1. Why Don’t You Call When You Asked For My Number?
“Why do guys almost make complete idiots of themselves with all kinds of shenanigans (like yelling at me from their cars) to get my number, and then don’t call?” – Laurie 29, Los Angeles CA
“Okay, here`s one for you: Why do men ask for your number... and then not use it?” - Ellen 48, Los Angeles
“I can understand not calling after a date (or, even more so, a one night stand) after they`ve promised to do so. But I don`t get why they go to all the trouble of hitting on you and flirting with you... and then never do anything about it?
PS - this from a woman now in a happy relationship with someone who CALLS WHEN HE SAYS HE WILL.” – Gloria 23, Chicago
What Men Have Told Me
I have to admit that I’ve always been curious about the phenomenon of men flirting with you like mad, asking for your phone number, and then never calling. Here’s what a few men had to say in their own defence:
“I had some ‘liquid’ courage going on when I asked for her number, but in the sober light of day I lose my nerve, or I’m just not sure how attracted I was to her.”
“I don’t call because I’m dating someone, but the woman was so hot I just had to ask.”
2. Why Do Men Think They Have to Have “Rules” For How Soon to Call?
“There’s nothing worse than a guy waiting so long to call you that you can’t even remember who he is. I once had a guy wait two weeks to call and then he called at like 11:30 at night…what’s with that? Did he actually think I was going to take him seriously?” – Krista 32, Dallas
“Men need to understand that their “rules” for how many days to wait to call a woman are just as annoying and ridiculous as the “rules” of women holding out on sex for months in order to have a man take her seriously.” – Brenda 37, New York
What Men Have Told Me
“It’s all about keeping an edge, of not appearing to be a lonely pathetic loser who doesn’t have much else going on in his life but the possibility of dating this new woman.” – Michael 31, New York
It appears that men have made up all sorts of variations on the number of days to wait until they call just so they can feel a bit in control of the situation. To be fair, I can totally understand the need to feel there are “rules” to follow to feel in control, because nothing cools the interest of someone more than a person giving away all their power and being too available.
But what men need to understand (and really what everyone needs to understand) is that it isn’t how soon you call that matters, it’s how you handle the message you leave, or the conversation you have, and perhaps even more importantly how often you call after that. It’s your energy, your attitude and tone that’s important during that first conversation. You want to convey interest without conveying desperation for her to call you back NOW. That, and waiting too long to call is just plain rude. It really is, because we all know that when a man really wants a woman he’ll move mountains to get to her.
3. Why Do You Make the First Date the “Me” Show?
“I’ve been on so many first dates where a man is so into telling me how fabulous he is I couldn’t get a word in edgewise – and then this same men is baffled when I don’t return his phones call.” – Claudia 42, Chicago
“What’s with guys constantly selling themselves on the first date? I’m not looking to date their job, or their car, I’m looking for a connection.” – Gail 33, San Francisco
What Men Have Told Me
“The hotter the woman the more I want to impress her and unfortunately sometimes that means I get nervous and basically go into hyper-drive telling about myself, as if it’s a job interview.” – Craig 28, Chicago
Unfortunately it appears the more a man finds a woman attractive the more many of them feel the need to brag in order to impress her, not realizing that there’s a big difference between sharing about himself and grabbing the attention all for himself to brag. Conversations need to be give and take.
4. Why Do You Push For Sex and Then Judge Us if We Say Yes?
“Isn’t it time for the whole whore/Madonna issue to be over for men? It’s so stupid to have one set of rules for men and another for women. Men lose out of getting to know some great women just because she made the mistake of saying ‘yes’ to sex right away.” – Victoria 28, Vancouver
“Sometimes I feel like giving up on dating altogether. I wish that men could understand that most women who sleep with a guy right away aren’t losers, or immoral, they just had great chemistry and thought it would take things to the next level. I’m too busy with my career to play games and hold out and wait ‘x” number of dates or months when I meet a guy I really click with.” – Julia 37, Los Angeles
What Men Have Told Me
Sadly this one is still really a toss up, with many men still judging women harshly for saying “yes” to sex right away – though in general it does appear that men in their mid 30’s and under tend to be less so.
5. Why Are So Many of You So Inconsiderate in Bed?
“I don’t think most men have a clue how lousy they are in the sack. Really, they don’t seem to have any idea that great sex could mean more than them rushing to intercourse.” – Jackie 32, Dallas
“It’s really rare for a man to ask what I need in order to have an orgasm during sex. Most just rush through things and seem to assume that I’m having as much fun as they are and they don’t seem to hear me when I try to tell them what I’d like.” – Sophie 41, Palm Springs
What Men Have Told Me
Women don’t come with details instructions and we’re a huge challenge to figure out. Okay, I accept this, but far too many men are notwilling to talk about sex before rushing into it – when it’s a huge challenge to slow them down enough to focus.
