by Carlos Xuma
Copyright © 2006, Seduction Insider, www.seductioninsider.com.
One reader posted:
Hi, I`m sort of in a complicated situation and in need of some advice.
There`s this girl I`m really interested in (I`ll call her Lisa), and I knew
her for about 7 years (I`m 22), but we`ve just recently got close (4 months
now) and are in the same circle of friends.About 2 months ago, it seemed
like she was really interested in me, and we had a lot of nice chats,
etc.
But a few weeks ago, I think one of Lisa`s close friend (Cindy) told
her that she was interested in me. Now, being a nice/sorta shy girl, Lisa
seems to be backing up and I feel she tries avoiding me sometimes.. while
Cindy is starting to be a lot more friendly and tries to spend more time
with me.
I`m the type of guy that sticks to one girl I like, and nearly ignore all
other girls.. So I would still like to go for Lisa. Now her birthday is
coming up in just a few weeks and im not sure if I should do something to
give her a clear hint that im interested in her, or if I should hold back
and see if anything will happen naturally over time. (sorta doubt this will
happen `cuz of the situation with Cindy). Lisa doesnt seem to show as much
interest in me as before, while Cindy seems to try talking to me more
often, as well as hanging out with me. Plus, I know they have "girl talks"
with each other.. and Cindy tells everything while Lisa mostly listens.
I`m just not sure her birthday is an appropriate time to make my move
since.. lately, Lisa hasn`t been showing as much interest as before
Lastly, I`m sure there`s at least one other guy that seems to be interested
in Lisa.. but I dont think she wants to be anything more than friends with
him.. I`m mentioning this just in case (sorta feel rushed, since I really
like her and dont want to lose her to some other event that could happen).
please help, thanks.
Carlos Xuma answers:
Ah, two women to choose from. Hang on while I play a little sad violin for
you....
Okay, now let me see if I can help you out of this dilemma ....
First of all, keep in mind that things don`t just happen `naturally.`
If you want something to happen, you must be willing to take action. Things
don`t improve by default, they improve by design. So if you want something
to happen with you and Lisa, you`ll have to take a risk and make an
advance. If she`s interested, she`ll respond. If she doesn`t (no matter
what reason you can invent for her not taking action) she is not REALLY
interested. The bottom line is the result you get, and if she doesn`t
respond, you can blame her shyness, or whatever, but the reality is that
you don`t want a woman who can`t act on her desires (any more than she
would want a man who wouldn`t act on his.)
Next, you sound like you`re in a hurry. In fact, you mention you feel
in a rush. Why? It`s been 7 years. What`s the hurry? If something were
going to happen, a few more weeks wouldn`t make a difference at this point.
Also, you state that you are "the type of guy that sticks to one girl
I like, and nearly ignore all other girls." I don`t know what your reason
is for making this your identity, but I can only tell you that it will
cause you much more pain in your dealings with women than it will help you.
1) Your single-minded focus will come across as smothering and
obsessive on that one woman. (They can smell this a mile away, and it`s a
BIG turnoff.)
2) The confidence you exude when you date more than one woman will rub
off, and you`ll experience even more success with the ones you decide are a
priority. Success breeds success.
3) Women may lead you to believe (by subtle comments and cultural
stigma) that they don`t want a man who dates many women. Nothing could be
further from the truth. They are attracted to a man that is in demand. Now,
if you settle into a regular relationship, they will want you to stick with
just one. But that`s your decision.
So, what advice do I have for you? In addition to the above, here`s my
recipe of action:
- Call up Lisa, ask her out to something short, sweet, and fun. At the
end of the date, bust a move -- kiss her at the end. If she resists or
balks, find out what her objections are. If they can be overcome, go on. If
it`s too complicated, then on to ...
- Call up Cindy. Same plan.
- Call up next girl. Same plan.
- Repeat until goal is reached.
It sounds like Lisa`s interest is low -- probably because you two have
been friends for so long, and she isn`t going to jeopardize that -- and
that you should set your sights on someone who is interested -- Cindy.
BIG POINT: And you might notice that Cindy is probably keeping a high
interest level because you are NOT focusing all your energies on her.
You`re probably a little aloof and ignoring her -- and she responds to
this. Lisa probably would, too. See how this works? This is why the ones
you want always keep you at a distance while the ones you don`t want are
flocking in the wings.
The Bottom line? There are too many girls out there to get too hung
up on one. Think of how foolish you`ll feel in six months if you look back
and see all the precious time you wasted on women who weren`t interested.
The time to act is now!
Carlos Xuma
