By Jackson Morris
Copyright © 2006, Seduction Insider, www.seductioninsider.com.
In Wedding Crashers (New Line Cinema, 2005), Owen Wilson and Vince Vaughn are "John" and "Jeremy", two D.C. city divorce mediators with a penchant for crashing weddings. Each year there is a "wedding season" or a specific period when there are more weddings to attend. They go to each wedding and reception with new identities, chock full of bullshit stories and manipulative actions to woo a girl that same night for sex, and they do, one after another after another. It is no secret what their goal is, just listen to the many quips coming out of Jeremy`s mouth: "I am a cocksmith" & "She has a tattoo on her lower back, it might as well be a target." Vince Vaughn as Jeremy is at his manic best; he is the comedic energy force behind this whole film and is surrounded by a cast of characters that swear to do him in, in one form or another.
It is only when the two go to the wedding of the year for the Secretary of the Treasury played by Christopher Walken, does their luck take a turn. This event is eventually parlayed into a weekend getaway at the beach with the entire wedding party including John and Jeremy. This dynamic is the pinnacle of comedic disaster. The crux of the story is when John has a "moment" and realizes he is in love and no longer wants to sleep around, in this same moment, Jeremy is screwing the sister of the girl John is in love with, "Gloria the glory hole nymph" every which way from Sunday. The next few days will be a journey for both, but mostly for Jeremy.
Wedding Crashers DVD (How to `Crash` a Wedding and Pick Up Chicks)
If anyone you know is getting married and you`re single, I suggest you go see or rent Wedding Crashers first and pick up some great tips on picking up some great chicks.
First of which is going to any party (reception) that someone else is paying for. Save money and be an anomaly.
The dynamic duo of Vince Vaughn and Owen Wilson shoot sage rules of the game like a Gatlin Gun. They have even devised a set of "rules" to live by to complete their missions successfully, and hence be successful Wedding Crashers.
Rule #1, "Never leave a fellow crasher behind". Rules are good to have when you have your "game" face on, it will keep you in check and not make you vulnerable to red flags and cock blockers.
Wedding Crashers Quote
John is courting Claire, the sister to Gloria the Nymph, and the gay artist brother. Their father is played by Christopher Walken who delivers a "Deer Hunter" style threat to Jeremy. All this is going on while his tart of a wife is asking John to feel her new fake boobs in private. She is played by Jane Seymour who pounds cocktails at the dinner table while her mother-in-law tells everyone that Eleanor Roosevelt was "bull dike" and "rug muncher". This lesson alone was worth what I paid to watch the bootleg.
Any time a rich cougar (mature woman) offers you sex, take it. It will be some of the best you have ever had, plus they like being rich so they won`t leave their husband but they will still have sex with you. Where do I sign up?
In two days Jeremy gets decked twice, gets raped by Gloria, and almost gets raped by the gay brother, all because he has to remain a wing man for John. This leads to Jeremy wanting to marry Gloria. Upset by this John pairs up with Jeremy`s original wedding crashing buddy, Chas. This was something as a male I did not agree with. We are not in
college anymore fella, so if you need a running buddy to get laid, then I highly recommend spending more time on Seduction Insider.
There are so many funny lines in this film, but my favorite was in the opening scene:
"You shut up when you`re talking to me!" This hilarious contradiction comes from the disgruntled wife to her husband in cameos by Dwight Yoakum and Rebecca DeMorney.
There are few people that are not funny in this film. Chas is played by Will Ferrell and he rocks. He lives with his mom at 40, screaming at her for meatloaf sandwiches and now he crashes funerals. "I am livin` the life", he exclaims!
I could not recommend this movie more highly; Wilson is not the star of this film and does not need to be. Walken`s character, John, the butler, the rich cronies, the relatives and even all the hot chicks were "conduit players" in this ensemble. They did not make the comedy, but were the break in between the non-stop one-liners that schizophrenic, big libido Jeremy spewed out every few seconds. When watching this I thought of movies like "Meet the Parents" and "Analyze This". Big casts, razor wit, and no one person really stealing the show, but everyone having their comedy timing hat on nice and straight.
At one point in the movie I thought I was being set up for the soppy Oprah ending, with sappy sayings and tears of joy. I was happily mistaken. It was a raucous roller coaster ride of comedy, boobs, and people with the intelligent quotient of a boob. Wedding Crashers will be released on DVD (January 3, 2006). If you`re married, rent it, watch it, and thank your lucky stars you don`t have to go through the perils of single life anymore. If you`re single and don`t know what to do at a wedding or and have nothing to do this wedding season, watch Wedding Crashers.
Now you`ll have a game plan for the next wedding you crash.
