By Grant Day
Copyright © 2006, Seduction Insider, www.seductioninsider.com.
John was in love. Amy was not only fine, she was totally hot, on the outside and in – or so he thought. For the first few weeks, even months, John was on cloud nine man, I mean he was getting laid almost every day (and often more than once), and if he wasn’t getting laid there was plenty of oral satisfaction being shared, plenty of canoodling, and phone sex, and emails that steamed up his apartment windows. It seemed she just couldn’t get enough of John and he felt like he was the luckiest man on the planet.
And then they moved in together and the sex started cooling down, becoming scarcer, but hey, they were both busy people, they both worked a lot, and he couldn’t blame her for not being wet n’ ready 24/7 because he certainly couldn’t quite get it up on command anymore either.
But then they got engaged, and their relationship went from being something he felt was private and fun and sexy to this “we” where their “coupleness” seemed to be what mattered. And all of a sudden their time together was about the future, and family gatherings (his girlfriend now spoke to his mom more than he did), and china patterns and wedding dates. And the sex was all but disappearing, and when John asked his fiancée one day to wear those hot stockings and garter belt he’d gotten her the previous Valentine’s Day under her skirt when they went out Friday night she nearly ripped his head off. She told him to grow up and stop treating her like a whore.
What?...
...Huh?
After he hung up the phone a stunned John sat in silence for a bit wondering what the hell had just happened. But when he took the time to reflect back he realized it hadn’t just happened, the hot, sizzling sex life he’d enjoyed with Amy (the kind he’d dreamed about his entire adult life) had been dying the moment from the moment they moved in together. In fact, if he looked back honestly, he had to admit that it had started to die the moment he seriously committed to her.
Now is this actually a plan many women have? To use sex, wild hot kinky sex, to lure men into committed relationships only to say, “no thanks, I have a headache” once they’re safely in? Not exactly, and not always consciously, but it certainly does happen.
But before I begin to make it sound like the women who participate in the old bait n’ switch are truly evil I have to make something clear:
Most of them don’t know any better, and here’s why - it’s far too easy for women to fake sexual pleasure, which means far too few women take the time and attention it takes to really get in touch with their own sexuality.
From the time they’re teens (well, now it’s tweens), women are bombarded with the media’s idea of what a sexually hot woman dresses like, moves like, behaves like, and sounds like, but she doesn’t learn what it feels like. She learns that in order to really get guy’s attention she needs to let him touch her sexually, but rarely does she learn how to ask him to touch her sexually in order to please her.
Same goes for oral sex. She learns to give to get attention and please, and receive to get attention and please, but rarely does she learn how to do either to bring pleasure to herself.
All while men almost seem born with the ability to ask, and often beg, for what they want. Society tells us it’s okay, because well, we’re men and we can’t help it.
The problem with women and sexual performing is that it eventually wears thin, and becomes a total bore. So when a woman’s pretty darn sure of your attachment to her she decides she’s performed enough. And that’s when she begins to tell you that she’s got a headache, or she doesn’t approve of what you’ve asked her to do (though she’s done it happily before – or so you thought). And you are left wondering what the hell happened.
The good news is that all is not lost. You’re not automatically ushered into the “no sex life” quadrant of society if you don’t want to. Too many men give up way too easily. No, I don’t mean you need to demand sex, but you’ve got to sit down and talk about it and find out what’s at the core of the chill. Nothing can be dealt with when you’re dealing with shadows and accusations; you’ve got to deal with the truth.
Have You Been Stingy and Not Realized It?
This happens far too often because, again, so many women tend to perform sex. Men don’t mean to be selfish, it’s just so easy for us to do! All most women have to do is sigh and move and moan in ways that sounds like she’s having fun and we’re convinced we’re the bomb. It still amazes me how many women tell me that men never ask if they’ve had an orgasm after intercourse. It isn’t because the men mean to idiots, it’s because men just assume the woman has to be feeling the sort of pleasure he is.
Well stop assuming men. If we’ve told you here once, we’ve told you a dozen times that a huge number of women never orgasm from intercourse. And when I say huge, I mean 65-85% depending on the research you read. And of the women who can orgasm from intercourse very very few ever orgasm every time.
Here’s the deal, women who are really truly enjoying sex want to have it more often. Women who are getting as much out of sex as their man find ways to make the sex keep happening. And women who are really enjoyed sex are far more open to trying newer and kinkier things than women who are just going through the motions to please a man.
You might have to step back for a while and make her pleasure your goal. But if you can engage her in this adventure mentally, emotionally and physically you’ll probably be very pleased and amazed with the results.
Women and Their Body Issues
You may think your Johnson’s not quite long enough, or wide enough, or whatever enough but you love it anyway, right? You love it because it brings you amazing pleasure. And sure, you might not have the body of a bronze Adonis, but how many guys actually do? Men, on the whole, give themselves the benefit of the doubt when it comes to their appearance and sexual allure, most women, on the other hand, give doubt the benefit.
And sometimes women are so fierce in their doubt that they shut us down when we try and appreciate how fine they are. How many times have you had a woman tell you she’s fat when you’ve said she looked fabulous? How many times have you been caught staring admiringly at your woman only to have her accuse you of checking out her flab?
The key though, is not to let her gruff behavior shut down your compliments. Remember you’re going against the power of the media, which is churning out idealized perfection twenty-four hours a day. If it takes you sitting her down and giving her a stern lecture about how much you desire her than so be it, but don’t let her negative body issues kill your sex life.
If You Can’t Get Through to Her
Sex is a fantastic gift, but those who haven’t allowed themselves to really open up to its amazing pleasure, and won’t open up to it, don’t understand how important it can be to a relationship. If you find that no matter how hard you try and communicate, to understand where your woman is coming from, that she simply shuts you down and thinks you’re silly or lewd, you need to decide whether this relationship is truly right for you. Do you really want to live the rest of your life with this woman begging for sex?
