Hi Melissa:
I read your article on What Woman Want in a Lover. I really enjoyed reading it. I have a few questions. I met a very nice woman, who is 2 1/2 years older than me. We both casually dated from Mar 03 to Aug 03 when I showed her more about my feelings towards her. After that, we both became closer and intimate. During the first trip to Seaside, Oregon (I`m from Vancouver, Canada), I tried to make love with her. I spent about 45 minutes of foreplay and she seemed to enjoy it, but was really reluctant to have intercourse. I respected her decision and didn`t push for it.
I think I did the right thing, because she was glad that I didn`t and I talked to her about it. She explained to me the legitimate reasons I could justify. On our 2nd trip to LA in November, it was the first time we made love and we both had a great time. She was nervous though, and did not have an orgasm.
Before I read your article, I already told her that it was really important for me to find ways to satisfy her and her to be open and not lie about having an orgasm. One night when she was into it, but could not have an orgasm, she even asked me to suck her nipples while I fingered her genitals. It really reflected her openness to me. I don`t have these problems. She`s really nervous about getting pregnant even though I used a condom, because she had one abortion before. I told her that for me being 42 and my sperm count is much less than 10 years ago, let alone working long hours, that wasted a lot of my energy. She also has some pain when I start penetrating.
How Do I Give A Woman An Orgasm?
After I am in, then she wouldn`t feel the pain as much and eventually it`s gone. I told her maybe because of her nervousness. I did all the foreplay that made her vagina nicely lubricated already. Could she have a yeast infection too? She told me it happened quite often from her past relationship. She also asked me if she could not have an orgasm, would that mean that she wouldn`t be able to satisfy me? I was a bit confused, but I told her that I`d like both of us to have an orgasm and it`s up to me to be patient to make it happen. That it would be my job to satisfy her.
She seemed to like my answer. I love her very much and want to find a way to make her orgasm more often. I also work long hours, so I don`t have much energy left and sometimes I have a tough time maintaining my erection. I don`t know if it`s because of my over work load or something else. My erection is really hard when I am turned on. I have polio on my right leg. I don`t know if it has anything to do with it. For a couple of months, I took some herbs, such as Horny Goat Weed, Maca and Korean Ginseng. I find my erection is even harder and have the ability to maintain my erection better. Here are my few questions:
1) What can I do now to make her come easier. I know I`m missing something still even though my patience and understanding is there for her?
2) Her pain in her vagina..... is it yeast infection, or her nervousness?
3) Would you agree with me to continue using these herbs (Horny Goat Weed, Maca, Korean Ginseng)? Does my polio has anything to do with having difficulties in maintaining erection?
Your value feedback would be greatly appreciated and look forward to hearing from you soon.
William
Melissa answers:
Okay, you`ve got some challenges here but they don`t sound like something you both can`t over come as it seems there are some very deep feelings between the two of you.
Here is what I recommend:
1) Your lady needs to go to the doctor and find out if in fact she has a yeast infection or not. They usually can be cured quite easily, but they can make a woman very uncomfortable. While she`s at the doctor she needs to have an open honest conversation with her physician about her fear of pregnancy and also about her vaginal pain.
2) Does she orgasm when she masturbates by herself? If she does then ask her to show you what she does and be patient enough to watch the whole show. The next time have her start, and then ask her what she`d like you to participate with. For example, for many women it feels good to have a finger or two inserted into the vagina while they stimulate their clitoris and you could certainly be of help there right?
If she doesn`t orgasm by herself then she basically needs to start from scratch and learn how. This is something she can start on her own. Sex is a muscle that needs to be exercised, and orgasms are no different. There are all kinds of wonderful books out there on learning to orgasm for women, and they can be purchased online in the privacy of your own home.
To Give A Woman An Orgasm, You Need More Than Just Intercourse
3) Most women don`t orgasm from intercourse alone so I really don`t think you need to worry about how long you can keep an erection at this time. I`m not a physician so I have no idea if the polio effects you or not, but I doubt it. As to the herbs you`re taking, I can`t advise you on those either. What the two of you need to focus on is having her orgasm via manual and oral stimulation first, and then you can move on to more advanced techniques and try to orgasm during intercourse. If she`s really uncomfortable masturbating in front of you in the beginning, why not try a little phone sex? You won`t be with her in person, but your voice will, and I`m sure you can think of some loving and sexy things to help her along.
Good luck and thanks for writing!
Melissa
