By Melissa Balmer
Copyright © 2006, Seduction Insider, www.seductioninsider.com.
Hi Melissa,
I've tried to be creative with my lover of ten years by suggesting sex in different places, but he seems to say no to every attempt! We have done some odd locations in the distant past, and now that he has changed I simply want to find someone else... but I love him and feel safe... but frustrated and shy as I am I feel that day to cheat is very close. Ultimately I do not wish to be a cheat, I'm a good person... so I thought, and one more thing I have never slept with anyone else and I am shy and not keen on my relatively ok body for some reason, so lack of confidence and a boring mate leaves me high and dry!
Hi:
Okay, so you don't wish to cheat but things are boring indeed, I hear you. We live under the illusion that all men are wild and crazy for wild and crazy sex all the time. Alas, it isn't so. Another interesting, but sad fact, is that most men become more conservative as they age and are pretty set in their ways by the time they're 35 - at which point women start discovering themselves and become more adventurous.
That doesn't mean, however, that all hope is lost. You indicate that your lover is no longer interested in trying new places for sex, but what you don't say is whether you can communication openly about sex and whether or not you have tried anything else to spice up your sex life rather than just "different places". After all, one can travel around the world in one's imagination, no?
If the love is real and everything else in the relationship is good it's certainly worth doing your best to bring the zing back to your sex life, though it is a challenge with conservative men - especially if it's difficult to talk to them about openly about sex. You deserve to have a great sex life, but a man can't give that to you - he can only create one with you and in order to do that you need to be really in touch with who you are sexually and what thrills you. What else do would you like to try besides new locations? Take the time to think it out and consider keeping a journal with your discoveries and ideas.
The biggest challenge in improving your sex life with a conservative man is moving forward, bringing out the fire, without making him feel defensive. The more you can make things seem "his idea" the better. Are there things that he's suggested in the past that you didn't want to try? Is there anything you'd be willing to give a go at in exchange for him trying one of your ideas?
And of course one of the most powerful tools in your arsenal is you and your body. Men are very visual, we all know this, but few women use this to their advantage - in fact we often put men down for the compliments they give us telling them "no, you don't know what you're talking about my ass is huge..." I'm not suggesting that you run out and buy racy red lingerie to wear around the house but I am suggesting that you begin to show yourself off to your best sexiest advantage at home. If you don't already shave or wax your bikini area and more...consider it, and if you do, of course you've got to go pantie-less to bed for the full effect. What you want to do is what women do well...tease. You're not going to stand in front of the t.v. and demand attention, but perhaps you're going to be braless when you're cooking dinner, or perhaps he's going to catch a glimpse of you putting on some cute sexy lingerie while getting ready for work...I'm sure you've got a great imagination, use it.
Accept any compliments he gives you with as much grace and acceptance as you can muster. Let him know how important it is to you. When he starts to respond to this sexier you running around the house give him positive encouragement.
Good luck with your adventures and thanks for reading!
