The Hotter The Chemistry The Cooler Your Head

The next time you find yourself caught up in a mad crush sit yourself down and chill. Even if you have to literally sit on your hands to keep from picking up the phone or sending him an email – do it. Why? Because you need time now to cool down and screw your head on straight so you don’t screw things up.

Here’s the irony of us all, as long as we’re emotionally detached from a situation (meaning it isn’t happening to us personally) we can look at it clearly and weigh the pros and cons. The minute, however, we’re emotionally involved most of us throw caution and reason to the wind and follow the direction of the first impulse that hits us. Unfortunately, we usually live to regret these sorts of actions – especially when it involves a member of the opposite sex we’re smitten with.

That’s why it’s smart to prepare now for the next time cupid’s arrow hits (and trust me, it will, when you least expect it). If you’ve got a battle plan mapped out for how to behave the next time you lock eyes with a hot stranger across the room (and makes the hair stand up on the back of your neck) you’ll be ready to steer the relationship towards success rather than crashing on the rocks of “too much too soon.”

The big thing to remember is that everyone wants someone who’s rare, who’s a bit of a mystery to be solved. No one likes to start a book or go to a movie knowing exactly what’s going to happen. It’s the same with romantic relationships. Think back on the times that you’ve run as fast as you could from a man (or a boy, perhaps it was in grade school) who hit you so hard with his longing you could barely breathe. It was awful wasn’t it, feeling as if you were responsible for his happiness? You could feel the weight of his expectations, and you couldn’t wait to be free of them, could you?

But we’re talking about the shoe being on the other foot here, aren’t we? Yes, we’ve all fallen into the trap of almost hyperventilating with need over a man who’s mere appearance into our life seems to be hitting all the right buttons.

But that’s the key word here – seems. We human beings are fabulous at projecting what we want to be true onto another human being rather than taking the time to sit down and figure out whether or not it’s actually true. Only time will tell, only time will allow you to get to know this man and find out all the different levels you actually have chemistry on. Remember I spoke about the six different types of chemistry last week? Let’s review them again:

Physical

Mental

Emotional

Moral

Spiritual

Material

No matter how hot he is, no matter how much you want to climb across the table and kiss him (or invite him back to your place) if you want more than a one night stand, or a sex friend, you owe it to yourself and the possibility of a real relationship to take a deep breath and do your homework. Take time to find out if you’ve got much of a connection on the other fronts. Do you like the way he thinks? Do you have similar moral views? Do you think about the spending and saving of money the same way?

Remember, sex and money are the two biggest things couples fight about. It’s also important to note that men, in general, take more time to move their physical attraction for a woman into actually caring for her. Yes, physical chemistry is one of the most crucial elements to a successful romantic relationship but it doesn’t guarantee a great sexual relationship until you have the skills to move that physical chemistry into great sex.

We’ve all heard the old saying “Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?” We no longer live in a society with such double standards that a man won’t marry a woman he’s already slept with, however, if you sleep with a man who’s still practically a stranger (even if he’s the one who begged you to do it) you aren’t going to move into his heart – you’ll stay only living in his libido.

No, I’m not suggesting that there are certain “rules” you need to apply when in a new relationship with a guy you really like. I’m not suggesting you can’t ever call him back, or have to wait “x” number of days before you do. I’m not even suggesting you have to wait months to sleep with him. What I’m suggesting is that you slow down enough to give yourself time to remember your common sense – and give both of you time to get to know each other. I’m suggesting you let there be enough time in between your dates for him to miss you, and for him not to take your time and interest for granted. Far too many relationships fizzle out and die because they’re rushed into. Why kill off something that could be great just because you had no patience?

Yes, I know living the single life gets lonely. We all long for someone to curl up with on long cold nights, but too many women fool themselves that the “high” they feel from great sexual chemistry is actually great sex. Great sex is when you can ask your partner for exactly what you want and need. Great sex is when you’re having as many orgasms as he is. Don’t be fooled by the fact that just looking at him turns you on, or the thrill you get from the fact that he gets so turned on looking at you – these two facts will wear thin very quickly if you don’t use them to create a real connection.