Why Men Lie (Part 2)

1) Men Lie: Because they’re insecure. They’d never get the date if they admitted they were 5’6”, or made less than $30,000 a year, so they figure they’ll “fudge” the truth and hopefully she’ll fall for him for all the other reasons she’ll fall for men. Alas, she won’t. That covers pretty much everything – most things really fall under the umbrella of insecurity.

2) Men Lie: Because they have something to hide. This is another form of insecurity, since the truth often hurts. For example, if they’re married and looking for a fling, they’re most likely not going to admit the truth. Pretty much anything that could prevent one from getting a date will likely be glossed over. Why tell someone you’re on Prozac? Or that your last relationship was emotionally abusive? Or that you’re fifty pounds overweight but “working on it”? This is what I call “bad truth”, you’re not lying, but you’re not giving full disclosure either. It makes sense – it just doesn’t end well in most cases.

3) Men Lie: Because they can. You’re not immediately accountable for anything when you’re hiding behind a computer screen online using a fictitious username. Lying allows people to play out their fantasies and act more powerful than real life allows them to. Again, it makes logical sense, but people adopting different personas online only set themselves up for failure in real life.

“It may sound like a lie, but I never lie online. You need a healthy ego to be yourself in full, but the rewards are that no one will ever feel deceived when they meet you. I don’t disclose my income, or mention my dislikes at all – because why alienate anyone? Probably my most common non-disclosure is ‘the-don’t-ask-don’t-tell’ policy of dating multiple people. Women I’ve met often breach that by discussing their date last night or their upcoming date. I think it’s safe to assume most people are dating multiple people – there’s no value to mentioning it, however. By the way, everything I said about men applies to women as well.”

What Have We Learned?

So ladies as you can see the reasons that men lie, or think that other men lie, depends on the man. But over and over we see similar themes. They want a chance to catch our attention and don’t think the “real them” will do the trick. They want sex. They don’t want to hurt our feelings, and they don’t want to deal with the flack they know they’ll receive if we find out what they were really up.

Evan Katz, however, brings up a point that the same laws that apply to men about lying apply to women as well. Do we lie to get sex? Probably not nearly as often as men do, however, how many of us haven’t been truthful about our past at the beginning of a relationship in order to make ourselves look better? How many of us in the online dating world lie about our age, our weight etc. so we’ll seem more attractive? How many of us have fudged the truth with our significant other when we’ve used that credit card on shoes instead of keeping it for emergencies, or said we worked late when really we were chatting long distance with that guy who broke our heart and only calls when we’re dating someone new?

The truth about lying is that most of us do, however, the difference is that some of us do it rarely, to save face, to keep from hurting someone’s feelings, etc., while others lie as a way of every day life. Obviously it’s the men who lie as a part of their every day life that you want to avoid. You also want to avoid the men who are so unhappy in their every day life and suddenly decide to create an alias, a fantasy version of themselves to present to unsuspecting women.

But how do you know when a man’s lying? Remember that actions speak louder than words. Don’t believe hype. Too good to be true often is. Don’t get caught up in his sales pitch about himself, wait and see if what he says he is pans out in his actions. When a man is truly interested in a woman, and has nothing to hide, he gives her every possible way to get in touch with him. A man you can only page on a beeper is suspicious, as is an older, well off, man who only has a cell phone.

When a man is truly interested in a woman, and has nothing to hide, he wants to be with her as frequently as possible. Any man who says he’s interested in you but only calls you late at night, or not for weeks at a time, either has something going on he hasn’t told you about or you’re last on his list. You deserve better. Even crazy busy successful men make time for women they really want. Think Dave Navarro and Carmen Electra -- do you think Dave Navarro kept Carmen Electra waiting? No, from the very first date he’s shown up right on time.

It’s tough to do, but by keeping your head screwed on straight and waiting to see if a man’s words pan out into action you’ll have a very good idea of how straight a man is being with you. If he calls when he says he’s going to, if he shows up on time, if he keeps plans you’ve scheduled quite some time in advance, if he’s relatively easy to reach, then chances are he’s being straight with you. It doesn’t mean he’ll never lie, but before you throw stones make sure you’re not living in a glass house!