Why You Should Be More Erotic

What each and every one of us finds erotic and alluring and seductive is all a matter of personal taste, but far too few of us women make the time and effort to delve into our erotic selves enough to even know what our taste in this area of our lives is. If you read my article last week about writing out your erotic imaginings you might have filled a few pages and then suddenly hit a brick wall, a void, because well, it just isn’t something you’ve given much thought to.

But here’s the deal, if you don’t give much thought to what you find erotic and alluring no one else is going to do if for you, not even your lover. It’s not his job. His job is to connect and communicate with you romantically and sexually, not to create your erotic world for you. You, after all, are a full-fledged adult human being with your own mind and tastes and wants and needs. And yet it’s surprising how many adult women still expect their lovers, or boyfriends, or husbands to provide for their complete erotic pleasure – all while being annoyed and disgusted by many of the erotic things men do share with them.

It’s easy to be offended by porn, and sex toys, and lingerie in the wrong shade and of a sort we think we’d never be caught dead in if we’re expecting a man to both mind read and understand our erotic taste and sensibilities – erotic taste and sensibilities we haven’t completely figured out for ourselves. Let’s face it, it’s much easier to turn up your nose and be offended than it is to roll up our sleeves and get down to the challenging task of first figuring out what we like, and then having the nerve to share it with our lover.

We need to be more kind with men in this regard. We need to recognize that it’s a big challenge to share with someone what you find erotically thrilling, and then to have her either laugh in your face or act disgusted. We’ve held veto power for a long time, it’s time we delved in and discovered what the erotic world has to offer for ourselves.

No, that doesn’t mean you have to watch porn with him if you’ve tried it and have found it absolutely horrid. But before digging your heels in why not venture forth into the land of porn out of curiosity rather than with dread? Don’t watch with the mindset that your guy really wants the girl in the video (because he probably doesn’t) but with the mind of a reporter trying to decipher what all the fuss is about. And remember, you’re allowed to ask. There’s no reason why you can’t turn to your guy and say “Okay, so what is it about this particular scene that’s so hot?”

Fortunately there are a myriad of porn styles out there as well. You don’t have to go hard core your first time watching, if ever. Perhaps the two of you can start with something softer, like the Red Shoe Diaries or something a bit more “arty.” Most men are tremendously good sports when their women are brave enough to move forward into trying anything even remotely kinky that they’ve long had a passion for.

Of course no trip into the erotic would be complete without taking a look at what’s going on in print. It’s time to check out what exactly goes on in those glossy men’s magazines anyway, especially if the last time you looked at a Playboy or Penthouse was sneaking a look at your dad’s copies in high school. But again, rather then going into this venture trying to find reasons to be annoyed (either with the fact that your lover reads such magazines, or because you fear seeing all those perfect breast implants will make you feel), move forward with curiosity. Try and look with fresh eyes.

In her short, savvy and articulate little book Secrets of Seduction for Women author Brenda Venus you read magazines like Playboy and Penthouse for inspiration saying:

“For scintillating ideas, thumb through an issue of Playboy, Penthouse, or other inspirational magazines and imitate how the girls position their faces, their bodies, their eyes – note what they’re doing with their hands, fingers, lips, tongue, legs, derriere, breasts, and feet. In other words, see how their total being is talking. Notice how the suds from their bath sensually fall off their nipples or clitoris. Observe what they’re wearing – jewelry, shoes, teddies, lingerie, street clothes, wet see-through blouses, shirts, and skirts. Which hairstyles and cosmetics are exciting to you? Try it! But take only the ideas that work for your particular body and attitude.”

Observe and learn and then try new things out for yourself. Use what’s right for you and discard the rest. See how these images can possible inspire and spark your own erotic self and erotic creativity.

Recently I saw the new television commercials with Paris Hilton washing a huge black car in an evening gown while she also enjoys a Carl’s Jr. hamburger. At first I cringed at the over the top absurdity of it all, and then I stopped, a bit mesmerized by the spectacle. I realized that the fascination of Paris Hilton for society is that she channels the spirit of the ancient pagan goddesses such as Aphrodite. Paris obviously enjoys her own body (after all she’s fond of keeping topless photos of herself on her cell phone), her own attractiveness, and obviously she enjoys sex…and with her wealth it doesn’t matter if she’s a lousy actress or singer (I have no idea bout either). She emanates a confidence in her own appeal that men find intoxicating.

So no, you may not have the wealth Paris Hilton, and she may not be to your taste at all, but still ask yourself what of the ancient goddess can you channel for yourself? What new ways can you allow yourself to be sexy and tap into your true erotic nature.