By Melissa Balmer
Copyright © 2006, Seduction Insider, www.seductioninsider.com.
It would be great if we lived in a world where both sexes were held to the same standards in regards to sexual activity, but we don’t. By and large (though the trend is changing slowly) men are still suppose to try and “seduce” women into having sex with them, and women are suppose to be the ones who keep their foot firmly on the brakes until it’s the “right” time. Women are supposed to inherently know that fools rush in. Let too much happen before that mystical “right time” and you’ll usually find that the man who “just had to have you” either has no interest in anything other than his own sexual gratification right now, or later (say the next day) completely falls off the planet never to be seen or heard from again. Or he’s only interested in you if sex is going to happen.
Of course this kind of action leaves us women confused, pissed, and feeling like a guilty idiot for not knowing better. There’s absolutely nothing worse than meeting what you think is a great guy, really feeling a connection with him, and then having him become an aloof ass later because you either initiated physicality he happily went along with, or you did what he asked, begged and pleaded.
Aren’t you worth more than that?
Since the rules seem to shift and change man to man I’ve come up with a few guidelines of my own for women to follow to keep from being on the receiving end of Fools Rush In:
1. Understand that when you jump into bed, or into heavy foreplay with a man you’ve just met you aren’t getting your emotional needs met, you’re getting your ego stroked. Recognize the difference. No matter how good of a listener he seems to be before you start getting intimate he’s still a relative stranger who doesn’t have an emotional bond with you yet. Women often jump into caring for men they really know nothing about. Men, regardless what they say when they want sex, are more cautious with their feelings. They want a woman to prove she’s worth it.
Never sexually fool around with any man you don’t feel comfortable discussing safe sex with. If you can’t ask about his sexual past, and he can’t about yours, and you can’t insist on taking the right precautions he isn’t worth getting physical with.
Never sexually fool around with a man you wouldn’t feel okay asking a favor of. If you don’t feel comfortable enough to ask him for a ride home or to use his cell phone you have no business letting him see your private parts.
Never sexually fool around with a man you don’t feel comfortable enough with yet to share very honestly what exactly you need to have happen during both foreplay and sex in order for you to experience as much physical pleasure as he’s going to get out of being with you. Too many women follow through with what I call “good sport” sex. They’d like to say “no” to going all the way but feel guilty for getting a man so hot and bothered, and so they do things they neither really want to, nor enjoy, just so the man won’t be pissed off at them. But here’ the thing, you still lose. If you don’t know a man well enough to be to able to ask him to stop you don’t know a man well enough to have sex with him.
Understand that there are more types of chemistry between men and women then the “physical” kind. Base a connection between you and a man solely on your sizzling physical chemistry and you’re asking for trouble. Take the time to see if you and this new guy have any of the other four types of chemistry as well: mental, emotional, material and spiritual. What do I mean by this? For example, take the time to understand if the two of you can intellectually relate, have similar temperaments, enjoy spending money in the same way, and similar spiritual views. No, you don’t have to be a perfect match in all areas, but the more areas you can relate to and understand in each other the more real connection you’ll have – if you give the man time enough to care about you.
Yes, some rare men judge women by the same sexual standards they judge themselves and all other men – and you could jump into bed with him and be there happily for the rest of your life – but this still happens quite rarely. If you matter to a man he’ll wait awhile for the two of you to get to know each other before really insisting on sex. And the more he gets to know you, and the more he cares about you, the more he’s going to be invested in pleasing you in bed.
Irony of ironies, often the sexier the woman is the less a man thinks he has to do to please her in bed. Men have a tendency of thinking that “really hot, really sexy” looking women will simply be physically thrilled by the man’s lust for her. A man’s desire, however, can only take you so far. Recognize that the more a man understands that you have your own individual needs ahead of time the less he’s apt to think of you as a “happy fantasy just there to please him” and the more he’s going to treat you like a real woman with real sexual needs of her own.
If you meet some fantastically hot guy and you can’t be bothered with my guidelines, at least practice safe sex and, very importantly, go into your tryst expecting nothing more. That’s right, go into it thinking, “It is what it is” so you won’t be hurt when he promises to call and doesn’t. It’s far more likely he will call if he doesn’t feel you expect or need him to.
