The Importance of High Self Esteem

If you’re like most women you’ve already read a number of magazines and books that give you advice about succeeding in romance. By now you’ve read time and time again that men like women who like themselves. You’ve probably also seen this phenomenon in action. You’ve seen women who aren’t as polished as you, or pretty, or smart as you, or successful in the business world, (or any other number of ways) be far more successful with men than you are – and even though you’ve read it again and again you think there’s got to be more to it than that. How can it be that they just like themselves better than you do? Surely, you think, there must be other skills I need to master…other secrets I need to learn.

There are a few…but the biggest secret, the most important thing to remember, is that none of the self improvement plans you try for love (or anything else) are going to move you any farther forward than you are right now until you learn to like yourself more than you do right now. The amount you like yourself has gotten you this far, to move forward you need “up” the bar on your own likeability. It really is as simple as that.

But just how do you do this? It’s one thing to decide you need to like yourself and a whole other thing to actually start doing it. Trust me, I know. That’s why I’ve come up with the following steps to move yourself in the “liking self” direction:


Write Down What You Like About Yourself

Write down the very first things that come to mind. Don’t judge it. Don’t write down “my eyes” and then cross it out. Allow yourself to like your eyes, or your hips, or your lips or your smile. What is it that’s special about you? What are you proud of? Make a few copies of this list. Put one of them in your nightstand drawer and read it to yourself before you go to bed at night. Put one of these lists in your wallet and read it to yourself when you’re eating lunch alone. This list is not to include what you’d like about yourself “if you lost ten pounds”. No. This list is what you like about yourself here and now. Write down at least ten things. Write more if you can (and if you can good for you!).

Read these lists to yourself for two whole weeks. Mark each day you read them on the calendar. Make a short note on the calendar about how you feel each day about yourself. Notice what starts to happen…


Learn To Accept Compliments Graciously

There are very few people who can truly accept compliments graciously. If we all remembered and understood that it takes courage for most people to give compliments we wouldn’t shoot down the kind things people say to us so quickly. We wouldn’t brush them off, or aside, or make little of what they’d said. Learn to accept compliments graciously with a warm “thank you” and “I really appreciate that” and you’ll be a person who receives more compliments.


Graciously Give Compliments to Others

People who like themselves find it easy to like other people. They’re happy and at ease in their own skin and they have no problem letting others know when they’ve done a good job or just happen to look great that day.


Write Down What You Wish You Liked About Yourself?

What do you wish you admired about yourself? What changes would it take to make these things happen? Start with the easiest item on the list and see if you can accomplish it. Perhaps you’re chronically late. You may think your life is just too busy to arrive on time, but to others it appears they aren’t important enough for you to plan your time well. This can really hinder you in romance. Why shoot yourself in the foot with behavior that’s rather easily modified? People who like themselves can more easily make changes that will bring them more happiness and success.


Decide to Like Something about Your Appearance that you’ve always disliked

This goes under the category of “fake it til you make it”. That’s right, you’re going to pick something you dislike about yourself and you’re going to challenge yourself to like it for two whole weeks (and again notice what happens). Think your smile is goofy? Now decide that it’s great. Think part of you is too wide, too narrow, too large, too small? Now for two weeks you’re going to tell yourself that it’s just the right size – and you’re going to write it down on your list of things you like about yourself and read it twice a day.


Go Out On the Town As If You Own the World

At the end of these two weeks you’re going to go out and have an adventure. You’re going to challenge yourself to act as if you think you’re just fantastic for two whole hours. What you decide to do is totally up to you, but it must be in public and you must interact with the opposite sex. You are going to look your best – not necessarily dressed to the nines, but this isn’t a day of slumping around in sweats. You are going to look people, including men, directly in the eye when you talk to them. You are going to smile, and flirt a bit, and accept any compliments graciously. You’re going to be kind to waiters and staff at restaurants. You’re going to compliment a stranger and above all you’re going to act as if this is one of the best days of your life and you’re on top of the world. Imagine that you’ve just receive a great promotion and a big raise. Imagine you’ve just received an email from a guy you’ve had a crush on forever and you’re meeting tomorrow night for drinks at last. Imagine whatever wonderful thing you choose, and then act the way you’d act if it was true. See how convincing you can be…and see what happens.

The results will surprise you, most especially the reaction from men!