How to be Irresistible to Men

(This article, How To Be Irresistible To Men, was requested by a reader on the Discussion Board.)

Like Yourself

Truly liking yourself is much easier said than done, but really important if you want to be 'irresistible to men'. If you’re like most people you have a negative tape running almost constantly in your head. This negative tape not only foresees negative situations happening for you in the future (ever find yourself rehearsing possible arguments that might never even happen?), it constantly points out your flaws to you.

In order to stop this negative tape you need to replace the nasty chatter with positive feedback, and in order to really boost your confidence, the positive feedback you give yourself needs to become your new part time job. What are you proud of about yourself? What are you good at? Whenever you realize you’re running that negative tape stop and remind yourself of what you like about yourself. The more you like yourself the more men are going to like you. Why? Because the more you like yourself, the more you know how to have a good time and enjoy the moment – and there’s nothing men like more than showing a woman a good time, whether it’s on a date, or in bed.


Like Men

This sounds so obvious I’m sure you’re wondering why I’m writing it. But guess what, there’s a big difference between wanting a man to be your boyfriend, or husband, or sexually, and really liking men as people.


Be a Wicked Flirt

By this I don’t mean you have to say naughty things to men to catch their attention (unless you want to), I mean you’ve got to hone your flirting skills and know when to use them. Some men are so afraid of being too forward that they’ll only make a move, ask you out on a date, or more, if the woman herself makes it very clear she’s interested.

Being a great flirt doesn’t mean you let the guy know you’ll be waiting by the phone for him, being a great flirt means you act in a way that recognizes he’s a man, and desirable, and you’d like to get to know him better.


Be a Bit Mysterious

According to the great, and super sexy actress Sophia Loren, “Sex appeal is 50 percent what you’ve got and 50 percent what people think you’ve got.” So many of us feel the need to lay all of our past on the table as soon as we meet a man we have some connection with. I’m not at all advising you should be dishonest and lie about your life, but I am suggesting that you wait to tell a man the more challenging aspects of what you’ve had to deal with until you know him a little better. Let me be more plain – don’t dish the dirt about your past, or even your present, on the first date.

Men usually become physically attracted to a woman first, so even though they may act all ears and openness, it takes them longer than it takes most women to feel emotionally attracted. A man may really like you, but if you open up and share with him about your terrible divorce, the bankruptcy you had to go through, your challenges at your work place, and any other myriad of personal challenges he may get overwhelmed and run. You might just be sharing honestly and are doing a great job of handling your life – but what he hears is that you expect him to save you, and for him to want to save you, he first has to feel a true emotional connection to you.


“The Smartest Women know that Sometimes Giving Less gets you More Than Giving More”

The above quote is from Steven Carter and Julia Sokol’s great book “Men Like Women Who Like Themselves.” One of the fastest ways to lose a man’s interest is to be too interested in him too fast. Are men contrary creatures? No, not usually, they’re just human beings, and human beings want to be romantically and sexually involved with someone who’s “special.” We want someone who isn’t going to give their time, and interest, and physical intimacy to just anyone – and when a woman (who might not have found someone she likes so well in ten years) shows a man right a way that she’s all attention, all available, and all his, rather than being flattered he often decides she’s desperate and would be this way for just about any guy. He also fears she’s ready to take over his every waking moment before he’s even had a chance to figure out what he feels.

And guess what? Men don’t play fair in this. He might well be the one who pursued you in the beginning, he may be the one who called the most at first, and emailed the most, but if you want to play it safe, and keep his fascination, don’t match the amount of attention he pays you at first – and certainly don’t exceed it.

Learn to chill when you really feel interested, count to ten, go for a brisk walk, call a friend, rent a movie, but don’t pick up the phone. Do only to half, or one-third, of the responding, calling, emailing etc. that you’d normally do until you’ve had time to get to know the guy better. Let him come to you. Let him call. If there’s real chemistry, a real spark, that’s exactly what he’ll do.


Know Where Your Allure is Most Powerful

Just the other night I was reminded again that nightclubs just aren’t my scene. Once I’m out on the dance floor, getting my groove on, things usually change a bit. Since, however, I’m one of those women who look incredibly serious unless I’m in an animated conversation, I’ve never been one who’s constantly picked out of the dim lit crowd, whereas I’ve always had girlfriends who men walk up to and instantly proclaim love.

The truth is that unless I’m dancing to music I enjoy, or hanging out with a group of friends I enjoy, I end up being quite bored at nightclubs and men totally sense this. I like witty banter and great conversation. I’m far better one on one, and my best success with men comes when I can show off my verbal skills. I do better meeting men on the Internet, and quite frankly on the street, because even though I look reserved, I can literally walk up and talk to anyone. Also men seem to find me more approachable when I’m alone.

Where is your allure most powerful? In what social setting do you feel most comfortable, and feel you really shine? Forget what you think is hip and cool, and focus instead on setting up that “right” type of social setting for yourself as often as possible. Perhaps, like me, nightclubs might not be your scene, but perhaps you shine when you entertain, or have a goal that has to be accomplished (like a scavenger hunt, or a game of poker), or can overcome your shyness by being involved in a good cause. Great men are everywhere, not just at the local hotspots, but you won’t dazzle them unless you’re in your element.


Own Your Sexuality

The sexiest, most alluring women own their sexuality. By this I mean that they don’t expect a man to discover what turns them on and works for them sexually – they’ve taken the time and interest to figure it out for themselves. Sometimes owning your own sexuality comes from the inside out, and sometimes from the outside in. It’s up for you to decide just what’s going to be the right path for you to discover yourself.


Put Forth Your Best “You”

Women who like themselves and own their sexuality take care of their appearance. You don’t have to be a fashion plate, or as skinny as the Olsen twins to attract a man’s desire. You just need to be the best you, and be ready to share her with the world.

Men, as we hear over and over again, are very visual. Graham Masterton, author of “Secrets of the Sexually Irresistible Woman” writes “…that a man will make a decision about whether he finds you sexually irresistible within seconds of setting eyes on you.”