By Grant Day
Copyright © 2006, Seduction Insider, www.seductioninsider.com.
Here’s a myth that we need to get rid of as quickly as possible – that men somehow automatically come equipped knowing how to please women sexually. Oh yeah, we help perpetuate the myth by pretending we know what the heck we’re doing, but we don’t. You’ve got to help us out by not only telling us, but also yes, even showing sometimes us exactly what you’d like us to do.
But here’s the tricky part, you need to tell us before we’re so hot and bothered we can’t see straight, let alone hear you.
I learned just how powerful this approach could be towards getting a woman exactly what she wants in bed while on a second date with the woman who’s now my girlfriend. At the time all I knew was that I was totally into her and wanted to either follow her home or take her home with me. Here’s what happened instead:
I was feeling pretty pleased with myself. Not only had dinner gone well (she’d insisted on lunch for the first day), but also somehow I’d managed to snag one of the coveted semi-secluded corner tables at a hot new club we’d walked to afterwards. I’d taken full advantage of the mood lighting and the strong drinks and our making out was getting pretty fierce. I thought I was just about home free to take things to the next level when I slipped my hand from its position on her knee and moved it up her delicious thigh to more intimate territory.
And that’s when she pulled back.
“You’re fun, you’re cute, and I like how you kiss.” She said, giving me a knowing smile, “But that doesn’t mean you’re getting anywhere tonight.”
“Okay” I held my hands up, showing the monkey business had stopped “but c’mon you can’t hate a guy for trying.” I tried to look as innocent as possible. It used to work on my mother…sometimes.
“No, I can’t.” She said, reaching for her purse, “but I’ve found that men who want to move too fast are only really interested in their own good time and can’t be bothered to listen to what I need.”
I stared at her in shock as she got up from the table. This had never ever happened to me before.
“I’m willing to listen.” I gulped.
“Thank you for a lovely evening.” She said, giving me a dazzling smile.
“I’m willing to listen.” I said, this time more urgently, “Really.”
“Okay,” she said, as if pondering giving me a second chance. “Call me later this week and we’ll discuss it.” And with that she turned and left, and I was left cursing the fact that she’d insisted on meeting me for dinner and not letting me pick her up.
She’s sly this one. She got me thinking. I wanted to be angry, I wanted to have hurt pride, my libido was definitely bummed, but deep down inside I had to admit she might have a point.
Can men really listen to what a woman needs when he’s pretty sure he’s going to get what he wants?
As much as I wanted to call right away and have it out I realized I had to wait and play by her rules if I wanted to get anywhere – and I had to admit I was totally intrigued.
And who was I to turn down listening to a smart, sexy woman who was willing to let me know what she needed sexually? After all, how many girlfriends had I begged for this precise information only to receive very vague answers that helped neither one of us?
So I called on Wednesday. And we ended up having a four-hour phone conversation that left my ear numb, my mind and imagination full, and my libido ready to be creative. I was absolutely amazed by her honesty.
She told me that she loved kissing, and loved foreplay but if it went on too long, and fully clothed it ended up making her sore (partially due to cotton underwear absorbing all her “juice,” and the seams of jeans hitting the wrong places for too long). She also loved receiving oral sex, was totally willing to give as good as she got, but found intercourse usually boring and occasionally painful – though she’d never let on to guy’s before because she didn’t want to hurt their feelings. She didn’t, however, lie about having an orgasm.
And not once had any man ever asked her if she’d had an orgasm during intercourse.
The only time she’d ever caught a glimpse of the possibilities for intercourse were the time she’d had a tryst with a friend’s younger brother at a wedding and he’d masturbated her while entering her from behind. The orgasm with a man inside her, she admitted, was amazing. She had faith that with the right man (a man who had enough patience and interest it could be figured out) she could figure out how to orgasm not only with a man inside her but from full fledged intercourse as well.
What she just wasn’t willing or interested in any more was ho-hum, or even painful sex.
Wow. Rather than feeling overwhelmed and threatened I felt I’d been given the keys to the kingdom. And, I must admit, I felt a gauntlet had been thrown down that I just couldn’t ignore. You know how men love a challenge. I had to be the one to figure out how to get this woman and blissful intercourse together. Of course I wanted to get started on the project right away. And, I have to admit I missed her wry sense of humor, the way she listened intently, and how fantastic she smelled…not to mention the memory of those few kisses.
But before she’d agree I had to agree on safe sex (c’mon, am I an idiot?) and she insisted that I had to come up with some ideas of how to help her situation rather than waiting for her to come up with all the ideas herself.
Now I was a man on a mission. To learn how our mission became accomplished tune in next week.
