By Melissa Balmer
Copyright © 2006, Seduction Insider, www.seductioninsider.com.
Does this scenario sound a bit familiar to you?
You're a smart, successful, and very attractive woman,
and yet you seem to keep dating men who come into your
life like a whirlwind and just as quickly disappear.
He dazzles you with his wining and dining and yes,
presents. You fall into bed with him quickly because
well, he seems to adore the ground you walk on, and
whisked you away for that fabulous long weekend, how
could you not?
Or it seemed safe to do because he was already so much
a part of your life that what could it hurt?
Obviously he really wanted younot just the sex.
And then poof, he's gone. No phone calls, no emails,
nada, zip. The most confusing part is that there were
no arguments, no signs of issues, everything was fun,
fun, fun and then he just disappeared.
I put the men who pull these kinds of stunts into two
main categories:
1. The "Romance-omatic"
2. The "Fantasy Woman Hunter"
The Romance-omatic
Beware my darlings of the "romance-omatic," for this
Romeo is the sort addicted to the "idea" of love,
rather than to meeting someone unique and special.
No
matter how much he says he wants a relationship what
he's really interested in is poetry, violins, the
walks on the beach, and the romantic lighting more
than the very real you.
Fortunately, Romance-omatics operate in a pretty
obvious way if you just know what to become aware of.
Online his personal profile will say something like,
"Looking for my Princess" or "Red Roses and Sunsets."
Of course not all men who write along these lines are
Romance-omatics, some write about these things because
that's what they think women want to hear, or they
truly are romantic - but do be careful when a man
leads with roses, and walks on the beach, more than
what he's looking for in a real date or a real mate.
In person you catch Romance-omatics at their game
because the romance will be evident, but you
might not be - at least in his conversation.
He can
wax poetic about the future, what you will listen to
as you drive along to that romantic bed and breakfast,
the colors of the sunset when you have drinks on the
beach, the lace on your dress, the songs the band will
play - the Romance-omatic is all about the setting,
but not about you.
The Fantasy Hunter
No matter how much this man says he wants a
relationship what he's really interested in is the
high of meet the woman of his dreams - and then
keeping her there.
To catch the warning signs of this type of guy you've
got to be very diligent because he usually sounds
really good, and looks even better on paper.
He is
usually very successful with a great job, car, etc.
But if you're diligent you'll quickly realize he's not
really available for a relationship, because
relationships are a two way street, and what he's
looking for is a fantasy.
What he wants is for you to
be a perfect adornment for him. He's willing to wine
and dine and entertain you - so long as it's on his
terms only.
The warning signs are that he just loves your "type"
way too much. You are just the right height,
blonde/brunette/redhead, for him.
He always has
tickets to shows, reservations at restaurants, etc.
that are close to where he works/lives, not close to
you. His excuse, of course, is that he's very busy,
or that these are marvelous places he wants to share
with you.
But the problem is he simply does not want
to sit in traffic for you. Nor does he want to meet
your children if you have them, no matter how long
you've been dating. Fantasy women don't have children
by other men, and they don't have prior family
obligations.
How to Stop the Pattern
The work is not just in spotting these types of men,
but in learning how to say a polite, "no, thank you"
to their eager proposals to show you a good time, or
how to bow out of a second date once you figure out
what's going on during the first.
The trick to stop falling for these guys is to realize
that you're more than a pretty face, a hot blonde,
fabulous cleavage etc.
You are an individual person
with an interesting personality, wit, charm,
particular interests and sexuality that needs time and
attention to really get to know - and you're looking
for the man that's right for you, not just a generic
male you can pile your own fantasies onto.
It may be that you've been focusing more on the
"trappings" of romance yourself rather than what your
real needs are for a relationship. Time to stop
dreaming.
If you even suspect a guy of being a
Romance-omatic, or Fantasy Hunter steer the email
exchange, or the date, towards specifics. Tell him
about what you really want out of a relationship
rather than the first few romantic dates.
Tell Him
Tell him about what makes you unique and ask him the same.
Let him know what moves you, what you'd fight for. A
man looking for a real relationship may not agree with
you on everything, and you might find you have nothing
in common, but he'll engage yourather than
continuing to try to make things about sunsets and
roses.
