Infidelity - Why More Wives Cheat

Female infidelity has been a very hot topic in the media over the past year or so.

It seems that just about every major news outlet has brought up infidelity as a topic for an article or discussion lately. What I find fascinating about infidelity that as we women gain success and economic freedom in the workplace, the rate of women being unfaithful increases, and we’re now gaining significantly on men.

Apparently, now that many of us can pay our own way in a man’s world, we’re ready to behave in ways that have been traditionally seen as “male” as well – and that has some men very nervous indeed. I guess they don’t like getting a taste of their own medicine.

What some feminists have argued all along, however, is that it’s women, with our ability to rather easily have multiple sexual encounters in a given time period (and orgasms, if we’re lucky), who are the ones better suited for infidelity than men. As women gain true equality in society it’ll be fascinating to see if this hypothesis pans out.

Unfortunately, no matter which side of it you land on infidelity is tricky, heartbreaking business. And as the above quote indicates, by the time someone (either you, or your significant other) begins the slide into infidelity – via a flirtation, or a friendship with someone of the opposite sex, or even searching for an encounter on the Internet – the relationship is already in trouble. And with 50% of marriages ending in divorce, it bares contemplating that many of our romantic relationships probably start off on the wrong foot to begin with. But why?

There’s an old saying that “women don’t get enough love, and men don’t get enough sex” but I believe neither gender gets enough of either. When asked why infidelity reared its head in their relationships the answers women give tend to fall into the following categories:


- He Stopped Paying Attention and Making Her Feel Special

- He Changed or the Dynamic of the Relationship Did

- He Cheated and Now She’s Getting Even


Here’s a “truth” that very few of us want to face – successful romantic relationships are hard work. You don’t just fall in love as they do in the movies, and romance novels, and then waltz off into the sunset living happily ever after. Every day, in many ways, you have an opportunity to either strengthen or weaken your romance and sex life.

Where women so often get into trouble is that we feel guilty asking for what we need when we first notice our needs aren’t being met, so we gather up and push down our feelings, letting them build up until something that was quite small has gathered steam and become a train wreck of anger. That’s when infidelity happens, when we just can’t take it any more.

Let’s take a look at each of the above points and see what can be done about heading off infidelity at the pass:


He’s Stopped Making You Feel Special

Unfortunately, this can happen very soon – right as the two of you become an item (or in very sad cases, even before). Recognize that we all want to feel special in our romantic and sexual lives and it’s not a silly thing to ask for. But this is an area where great communication is really needed, because what your man thinks are the actions and words to use to make you feel special aren’t necessarily the ones that make you feel this way. You need to be very clear with your guy what does it for you. For example, men often buy very practical “gifts” for women that women find insulting. The men think they’re showing how much they care by wanting to make sure “you’re taken care of, and have the right tools to make your life comfortable” but what the woman usually wants (not always, but usually) is something personal that shows he totally “gets” her.

As unromantic as it sounds if you’re not blessed with a boyfriend or husband who has great gift buying skills you need to sit him down and train him. Show him magazines and catalogs with items you like, point out things in stores, and be clear with him that if he absolutely needs to buy you a down comforter than he’d better buy you something sexy and personal to go with it.

Often, however, it’s actions that make you feel special and cared for. When men are wooing women they’ll move heaven and earth to impress her with their intentions, but like all of us, the longer the relationship goes on, the more apt the men are to become lazy. So he stops remembering to pick up your dry cleaning on his way home, or doing his part of the chores, or opening doors for you, or telling you how lovely/sexy/beautiful you look today.

Don’t be shy, and don’t get mad and sulk, speak up right away and let him know you’re feeling neglected and uncared for well before infidelity starts to become an option in your mind.


He’s Changed or the Dynamic of the Relationship Has

When you got together he had a washboard stomach and ran three miles every day. Now he doesn’t want to get off the couch. The big secret about men and women is that men are the ones who enjoy the domestic routine the most, and they can become very fat happy lazy cats with a woman to look after them. If he’s let his appearance go and it bothers him, you need to find a loving way to let him know the facts. Offer to start an exercise program with him, sit down and plan out new healthier eating habits, but speak up, otherwise you might find yourself so annoyed that you start looking for someone new.

Another way infidelity creeps into relationships if that the dynamic of the relationship changes such as the man loses his job, or gets a lower paying job, than the woman has. Suddenly the woman’s the major bread winner and has more power in the relationship. She’s getting out in the world, and he’s staying home. Infidelity happens because women fall easily into the traditional man’s role and don’t stop to consider when the shoe was on the other foot. If you want your relationship to succeed than it needs to be equal regardless of who earns more.


You Want to Get Even

You found out he cheated on you and now you want to get even. We’re all tempted to get even when infidelity rears its head. It’s just human nature. But before taking such an action you need to ask yourself if you’re ready to give up your relationship – because that’s likely what will happen. We live in a society that still isn’t equal, so even if your boyfriend or husband has cheated he may expect you to take him back (he can kid himself that it didn’t mean anything, but then, can’t we all?) but he may view your infidelity as far more serious simply because you’re a woman. Is it fair? No, but you need to take it into consideration. If you don’t care, and the relationship is over, then it really is over, but know ahead of time that the guy you choose to get even with may want more from you than you’re ready to give.