Is He Playing Hard To Get? -

The Only Way To Get A Man To Stop Playing 'Scarce' Is To Stop Chasing Him

If you’re only reading this article in order to find out how to mentally will him to call you, or what you can write in an email so that he’ll write right back, or if you’re only reading this right now to kill time while you’re waiting for him to pick you up, or whatever, guess what? You’ll wait a long time. You may, in fact, wait forever.


Why Men Run

Now does this mean I’m advocating those infamous “rules” to dating, where a woman can never ever instigates a call to a man, that she should never be the one to put herself forward to meet him, or suggest they ought to get together sometime?

No. I think all of those things are fine – so long as you keep it in the front of your mind that everyone actually likes to yearn for more of someone. We like to long for someone. We find people we don’t get quite enough of to be far more special – trust me, even Collin Farrell gets annoying if you were to hang out with him 24-7, seven days a week. Too much of a good thing = boredom.

So rather than being the one who’s always doing the yearning, use this information to your own advantage.

What chases men away is your attitude about them. What chases men away is the actual weight of your expectations about them, especially when you make them too important too fast. Hardly anyone likes to be responsible for someone else’s happiness, and that’s exactly what you’re doing when you wait by the phone for his calls, and get tired of waiting and call him – again and again.

It’s the same thing with waiting for his emails, or bombarding him with your own, or even hanging out with him for too long in the beginning. You’re making him the main focus of your attention, and responsible for your entertainment – and you’re not leaving anything to be desired. And men love it when something is left-to-be-desired. Why in the world do you think they get so hot and bothered over lingerie? They get to see almost everything, but not quite. There’s always enough held back to keep them yearning for more.

Of course there are men who make your heart beat faster, who make you giddy with anticipation of seeing them again. Wouldn’t life be miserable without them? But in order to give your possibilities with him the best shot you’ve got to stop and remember that there’s a whole big world out there that continues on even though you’ve got a mad crush.


Fake It Until You Make It

Yes, it’s hard to step away from the computer, it’s hard to stop looking at your phone to see if the ringer is set high enough for you to hear it, and it’s very hard to pull yourself off his couch, and his warm embrace, to get into your cold and lonely car to take yourself home rather than falling into bed too quickly with him – but you’ve got to learn to do it if you want to give a relationship a chance. If you want to keep him intrigued you can’t be Miss Always Available.

And in the beginning you might just have to fake it until you make it. You might just have to make up rules like “one for one,” which means you can call or email him one time for each time he calls or emails you, and it would be even better if you made it a rule that you had to wait an hour before you did either, or more.

This isn’t about playing hard to get, this isn’t about making yourself more alluring by becoming a bitch, this is about keeping your life in balance so you can be the charming, interesting, enticing personally you really are rather than a zombie who only comes to life when the right man calls. Am I speaking from up high on the mountain having never made a mistake in calling a man too many times in my life? Nope, I’m speaking from being down in the trenches and watching myself ruin my chances with a hot, interesting guy (more than once) by not being who I really was, and letting a bit of chemistry turn my head on backwards.

The more intense your crush the more intensely you need to find ways to pull yourself back to your center. You might just have to take to yourself to the movies or the bookstore so you don’t call him. You might need to sign yourself up for an extension class and take up the guitar, or learn how to cook, or begin a new exercise program, or call a girlfriend, or even go on vacation with just your girlfriends rather than be too available to a new man.


But What if You’re Already in a Relationship?

For those of you who are already in a relationship and are feeling like a boring doormat, remember the point of power is always in now. You can decide to pick yourself up and not to be so available right here and right now. You don’t have to get angry, you don’t have to accuse him of taking advantage of you, you can simply not be available all of the time. It’s so much more powerful to just not be home than to whine at him. It’s so much more powerful to say, “Oh, I’m sorry I’ve already got plans tonight” than to yell at him for waiting until the last minute to ask you out.

You have infinite possibilities. You too can take a class, you can learn to cook, take Italian lessons from that cute tutor on Craig’s list, finish your degree, look for a new job, re-paint your apartment pink because you’ve always longed to, or get a puppy or kitten from the shelter. You can decide right here and now to discover who you really and truly fully are.

A woman who has her own life, and her own interests is always more alluring and fascinating to a man than one who stops everything to spend time with him, or worse tracks him across the universe to get his time and attention.