By Melissa Balmer
Copyright © 2006, Seduction Insider, www.seductioninsider.com.
I didn't need to watch Lindsey Lohan's hit movie Mean Girls to know that high school is probably one of the meanest phases in a person's life, and that for some reason the girls are even meaner than the guys - I lived through the nightmarish experience personally.
But lucky for you I survived high school, and then survived continued mean and nasty behavior from girls in college, and I came out the other end tougher, smarter, and willing to share what I learned. Because guess what?
Even though many girls outgrow mean behavior from high school and college, a good number of them continue their mean ways into adulthood, so it's best to know just how to deal with them.
Let me be very clear, it's a behavior you've got to face dead on and nip in the bud. Mean girls don't get nicer unless you force them to.
They Don't Need a Good Reason to Focus their Wrath on You
This was one of the most shocking discoveries I made about mean girls. You don't need to be a geek to be picked on, or new at school, or make the mistake of liking the wrong guy (though these are all reasons mean girls do use), sometimes an odd twist of fate can bring you to a mean girl's attention and suddenly she's out to make your life miserable.
My worst experience with mean girls were with a duo on my cheerleading squad my sophomore year in high school. Yep, mean girls will even pick on other girls within their very own squad. The excuse these girls used to pick on me? That I wasn't part of the "group" enough. The thing is, it wasn't really my fault, I'd been put on the squad a little late when one of the other girls didn't have the grades.
The irony is that the original girl brought her grades back up and was put back on the squad when another girl moved - and she and I got along great. I got along fine with everyone else on the squad as well. But the original two mean girls just kept finding small insidious ways to make my life a bit miserable. I was just a bit too nice, and a bit too shy, to stand up to them and they ran with it to the bank. Here's how mean girls the world over do it:
They Spread Ridiculous Rumors
One time one of the mean girls finagled it so that I was the only one who couldn't fit in the car for a ride home with the cheering squad. She knew my parents weren't home, and it was a long walk in the dark, so she told me to ask one of the basketball players if his Dad could give me a ride instead. I secretly had a crush on said basketball player so I was pretty mortified to have to ask his Dad for a ride, but I did, the Dad had no problem and things were swell.
Until I got to school the next day and a rumor was spread everywhere that this guy and I had had a crazy (and I mean crazy) make-out session on the school steps. Of course only he and I were there - and though this guy would end up being pretty popular, he was very shy at the time, and wasn't the one who spread the rumor - the girl who made sure I was the one who didn't fit in the car with the other cheerleaders did.
Were there worse rumors spread about me by the same girls, oh yeah. But I won't go into them here, because I know that what girls have to deal with today is far worse. I just tell you this story to give you a heads up that they'll make mountains out of molehills, and when that isn't available they'll make them out of nothing.
They Attack Those Who They Feel Won't Attack Back
Sad to say, but mean girls pick on those they're pretty sure they can get away with it on. They know most kids just want to fit in, and that others will allow their behavior and go along with it because they don't want to be picked on themselves. Also, they choose victims who they feel won't fight back.
They may have observed that you're always super polite, or a goody two-shoes in class, or just quiet and shy, so they think you're fair game. And often you are - even if it's only because you're so shocked by they're behavior you can't respond. After all, the attacker always has the edge because they know what they're going to unfurl on the unsuspecting target - reacting quickly and powerfully - that's a whole different story.
But even though mean girls don't fight fair, one of the biggest things you have in your corner going for you is that bullies are usually cowards underneath it all. Here's how you deal with them:
Fight Fire with Fire
No, you might not have had a good comeback when they blind-sided you out of nowhere with a snide comment, or a rude remark and the like. But you can be prepared for the next round, even if it means starting the round yourself. And I would. But I wouldn't start a war of words if you don't have to.
Sometimes just calling a mean girl on her nasty remarks is enough to face her down and embarrass her into an apology - or at least a change of behavior. Or you might find that a rumor someone told her is the reason she's angry, and that once it's clarified you might not have a problem.
But maybe she's just mean and wants to keep at it. In that case, don't back down. If she won't answer you keep asking. Make friends with the other people this mean girl picks on and when she's alone circle around her and all of you start asking why she's got it in for each of you.
Trust me, if you look hard enough you'll find plenty of others just as tired of her behavior as you are. It may take awhile to collect them together but if you're diligent you can do it. And there's power in numbers.
If she's a rumor spreader and won't own up to it, or back off, simply spread a rumor about her. Show her you're not going to lay down and take it, and soon enough she's going to get tired of trying to pick on you. If you're really smart though, you won't rest when she goes on to pick on the next person, but you'll stand up for them as well - and again build a united front against her attacks.
Because here's the truth about popularity and high school - it's not worth much of anything. In fact many people who are really popular in high school peak in high school and then never go on to ever match that glory. At who wants to peak by the time they're 18?
There's way too much life to live, and too much fun to have to worry about what a few mean but popular girls have to say about you. And guess what? It's the very same thing in college. Neither high school or college are the end all be all of life.
Most super high achievers (and I'm taking very hot actors into this mix) don't come into their own until well in their twenties anyway.
As for me, I learned to stand up for myself in college and never had problems with mean girls again. And the two mean girls from my sophomore cheerleading squad?
One of them mended her ways, though I don't have any interest in chatting with her on the very rare occasion that I've seen her. The other? She alienated so many people with her vindictive ways no one from the past really wants anything to do with her now.
So yes, sooner or later bad behavior does come around to bite you.
