Meeting and Attracting Men Online

It’s important to do your homework in order to find the right online dating site for you. Fortunately, most sites offer a free tour so that you can get a very good idea if the look, feel, and members of the site are right for you. Don’t rely on their few slick promotional photos to lure you in to sign up on the dotted line, take the time to search through the profiles to see if you see men you find attractive in your city, and in the right age category. My rule of thumb? Don’t sign up for an online dating site that you haven’t found at least five men (with recently created or updated profiles) who fit these criteria.

Also, make sure that what you’re looking for, and what the online site is promoting, are one in the same. If you’re looking for a long-term relationship and are marriage minded you’re not going to feel comfortable on a site that’s promoting “adult” connections above all else.


Remember Men are Visual

Have a great photo taken of yourself. I cannot emphasize this point enough. Not only are men are visual creatures, online dating is set up so that your photo is really the first thing to spark a man’s attention. You deserve to have a beautiful photo to celebrate yourself right here, right now. No, don’t use a photo from five or ten years ago when you were younger, slimmer, etc. Invest in having a great picture taken of who you are right now. Misrepresenting yourself only causes resentment in the long run; celebrating yourself now, however, can open the door to fun and romance!


Be You, Be Original

If you’re going to spend an average of twenty-something a month to belong to an online site (or two), take the time to complete your profile, and be as honest and as uniquely you as possible. There’s nothing more boring than trite headlines like “Princess looking for my Prince” or “Spoil Me.” What is the you of you? What makes you special? What makes your heart sing? What are you proud of? What sort of man are you looking for? Okay, the physical is a start, but it’s not the heart of the matter. How do you want to feel in your love life? What kind of sex do you dream of experiencing? What mistakes have you made in your past that you’ve learned form and don’t want to repeat?

Your online dating profile isn’t the place to air dirty laundry or complain about the challenges life has thrown your way, but it is the place to be honest about what you’re looking for. Don’t pretend to be who you aren’t. Get specific about what you really want. Will every hot man like you if you’re straight out? Nope. But you’re not looking for every hot man to ask you out; you’re looking for the type of hot men you’re really going to click with.

Okay, so let’s say you’ve put you’ve got a great photo, you’ve put effort into profile, and you’ve held your breath while it’s uploaded. Now what should you do?


Don’t Wait for Men to Contact You

Posting a profile and then sitting back and waiting for the right man to find you just doesn’t do the trick, and it really isn’t playing fair. Once you’ve posted a profile take the time to regularly searching through the men’s profiles and find who sparks your interest. On the large sites there are quite a few profiles to go through so it’s quite easy for a terrific guy to miss seeing your profile. Don’t leave things to chance!

Also, these days most online sites make contacting another member easy for even the shiest of people. You don’t even have to send an email; you can often send just a wink or a smile. I highly recommend, however, that you go ahead and send an actual email. No, you don’t have to ask the guy out, you don’t even have to flirt if you don’t feel like it (but a nice sincere compliment is always a good start).

The best approach is to comment about something he wrote on his profile (even if it was his smile that drew you in). If a guy doesn’t respond let it go. There are a lot more fish in the ocean and you’re just getting started.

If a Man Can’t Listen in Email he Probably Can’t Listen in Person Once you post your profile men are going to start to write. Know in advance that a lot of men are going to write who haven’t read your profile; they just liked your photo. Many of the men won’t fit the criteria you’re looking for. If they’re nice, and you’ve got the time, you can send a note saying “thank you but no thank you” but don’t feel obligated.

One of the most important lessons I’ve learned in online dating is that if a man is all about “selling” himself to you (and yes, I’ve had many men basically send me his resume as a way of introducing himself) then he’s turned on by your appearance, but he isn’t necessarily looking to make a real connection with you, you just fit his “type.” Often the men that do this are in their mid 30’s and up, and quite successful. And while you might be initially interested in the idea of being wined and dined quite nicely (these types usually brag about the sort of places they like to take women to), if he doesn’t take the time to ask you about yourself in email, it’s likely he’s not going to be interested in a real conversation once you meet in person.