By Melissa Balmer
Copyright © 2006, Seduction Insider, www.seductioninsider.com.
Here's a fascinating fact about women, often the more stress and pressure we feel under in our lives the more quickly we try and spin our wheels so we can do more. Do you ever worry that you're moving too fast? For some of us though moving too fast is the way we make ourselves feel good about existing here on this incredible planet. If we 'do' enough we think we're good people, worthy of love and success. For others of us 'doing' and 'moving too fast' is a way of avoiding thinking about our lives and the feelings that brings up.
And for many of us, quite frankly, we choose 'doing' and 'moving too fast' for both reasons.
Not only can this type of behavior lead to burn out in our regular day to day lives, it can also lead to burn out in our dating and sex lives in these major ways:
Our need to be out on the town having fun, constantly meeting and dating new men leaves us tired and drawn out and cranky unable to take care of ourselves and the rest of our lives properly.
We rush too fast into a relationship with a man who seems to be greeting us with open arms -- only to have him freak out and do a 180-degree turn mid stream and pull a disappearing act.
We ourselves can suddenly feel overwhelmed by a new relationship that was going swimmingly because it was just too much too fast.
Finding Your Right Going Out & Dating Pace
Going out on the town and meeting new guys can be a lot of fun, but it can also become a drug of choice for some women in order to feel okay about themselves. It's easy to slip into a state of being where you feel you need constant male approval and attention for your appearance and sex appeal in order to feel like a confident, successful woman.
The problem is that if you go out all the time you're not taking care of yourself. Too many late nights, and drinks at the bar, and flirting (and more) with new men, or even dating too many nights a week with someone you know well, can leave you totally drained. And when you're drained you're not at your best. Your job suffers, your friends suffer, and ultimately the very area of your life that you've made so important -- going out and dating -- also suffers.
If you're having trouble getting up with the first alarm, if you're using more and more concealer to cover dark circles and blemishes, if you're beginning to need a drink every evening to wind down or perk up, and if you need compliments from a man to feel okay before your head hits the pillow at night ' you're going out too much and sooner or later your health is really going to suffer.
What to do? If living in the fast lane makes you feel like ordinary every day life is too boring ease into a slower pace by planning special evenings at home for yourself. Rent your favorite movies (the ones guys just won't sit through), give yourself a facial or a manicure and pedicure, and make a date to call family and friends you haven't been keeping up with.
No, I'm not recommending you become a couch potato but I am recommending you take care of yourself. Let the guys at the bar or the club misses you -- they'll be all the more appreciative the next time they see you. The same goes for a guy you regularly date. It's okay to be a rare commodity at times.
Too Much Sex isn't Always a Good Thing
First and foremost there are times when too much sex can become boring. Most of us need time to regroup, rest properly, miss our partner, and fire up our imaginations in between sexual encounters. Remember absence really does make both the heart and the libido grow fonder.
Sometimes our bodies need some time to get use to sexual activity again if we haven't been active for a while. One of the things women have to be careful of when they become regularly sexually active is bladder infections. For any woman who's had a bladder infection you know how painful they are and why you want to avoid them. For any woman who hasn't -- take our word for it.
To avoid getting bladder infections (caused by bacteria backing up into a woman's urethra) make sure to urinate ASAP after intercourse, and to drink plenty of water to keep your bladder flushed out. If you've had a history of bladder infections from sexual activity in the past you might want to consider drinking a large glass of cranberry juice everyday (which helps any bacteria from sticking to the walls of your bladder which causes the infection) and something that I learned years ago in a woman's magazine -- keep your feet warm!
Men Will Ask For the Moon & Stars and then be Frightened by their Light
Unfortunately, dating and love advice guru John Gray is right, often the more a man wants to speed up a relationship the more a woman needs to slow it down. Why? Because men are often talking with their libidos in the beginning of a relationship, not their hearts. They can be totally dazzled by the sexual chemistry between the two of you and will say and do anything to have the opportunity to be closer to you (even if it doesn't involve sex), but sadly they often bite off more time with you than they can gracefully chew.
What to do? Learn how to say 'no thanks, not tonight.' Learn how to save a date for the weekend instead of a Wednesday night. And above all, even if he seems game for it, move slowly at introducing him to your friends and especially your family.
You can ask For the Moon & Stars and then be Frightened by their Light
We say we want to meet a great guy who just wants to be with us -- and then sometimes we do and well, we freak out over the togetherness. Again you've got too learn to pace yourself if you know this is your gig. Don't ruin a great relationship simply by saying yes to every invitation a man comes up with (or you come up with yourself). Slow down and again spend time by yourself, and just with your family and friends. If you give up too much of your free time to a man you may end up resenting him. Play fair. Don't jump into things you're not going to be able to handle. It's not his fault if you don't know your own limits.
