Why Negativity Scares Off Men

Want to start attracting a better caliber of men more frequently? It may be time to do some emotional house cleaning. If you see other single women as competition for men in anyway, stop it. Stop comparing yourself to other single girlfriends and deciding the reasons they receive more male attention then you do.

You may think you’re being realistic when you compare and contrast yourself to other single women (or heck, even married ones for that) and figure out a laundry list of reasons why they’re having a better dating life than you. It may seem perfectly logical to you that “so and so” meets men wherever and whenever because she’s an outrageous flirt, taller, thinner, younger, bigger busted, prettier, has better legs than you and any other of the myriad of ways women judge their desirability to men. It may seem perfectly logical, but it’s hocus pocus – true only as long as you think it is.

Nature isn’t fair, but that doesn’t let you off the hook. Sure, there are some women who are endowed with the kind of beauty and bodies that stop men cold on the street and drool – but it doesn’t mean those women’s dating life is any better than yours is, and even if it is, it doesn’t mean yours can’t be fantastic too.

For one thing, you’re probably selling yourself short. I’m amazed at the low self esteem of women. I’m amazed at how they find beauty everywhere but when they look in the mirror. Give yourself a break. Accept who you are. Accept that men can find you attractive and desirable right here right now if you only had on a better attitude about yourself (and maybe changed into something better than those baggy sweats.) That doesn’t mean you can’t change something about your appearance that you really don’t like – go for it – but recognize others can still love you as you are.

For another, any negative attitude you have towards other women just acts as male repellent on you. It really does. There are all kinds of beautiful sexy women out there who don’t get many dates because their negativity floats around them like a rain cloud, and any dates they do get aren’t followed up by seconds.

Listen, the truth is we men don’t want to have to work that hard at dating you. Dating is for fun. We know when we settle down with a woman you’ll start putting our lives in better order, and whipping us into shape, so right now we just want to enjoy your company. We want you to laugh at our jokes (even the stupid ones), and have our cars filled with your perfume. We want to impress you with our knowledge of odd subjects and our choice of restaurants. We want to go on adventures and discover new places with you. We don’t want to spend time convincing you how attractive you are we want to spend time “making out” to show how attractive we think you are.

Look, we know the media sets up impossible standards, but the fact is most of us men separate what goes on in the media from our own personal dating lives. We might think Cameron Diaz is totally hot, but that doesn’t mean we’ll only date very tall very thin blonde women. The media may bombard us with images to tell us who to desire, but by the time we’re teenagers most men have put together our own personal taste based mostly on what appealed to us from real women in our every day lives.

By wasting your time concerned with the appeal of other women you miss the opportunity of being ready and available to the men who you totally “do it” for. Yep, you are someone’s type. You are what make some men’s blood run hot. The sexiest, most appealing women come in all ages and sizes but they have one thing in common – they like themselves. Self acceptance and an honest appreciation of what one has to offer the world is a great aphrodisiac, perhaps the greatest in the world.

Sure, I’ve admitted it before (and I will again), there are some women who just make men look – but that’s usually all we do, and it doesn’t mean we want to take her home. Yes, there are those of us out there just looking to score one night after another, but most of us really want to find someone to connect with, someone who gets us and makes us feel special, and for whom we can do the same in return.

So take an honest look at yourself. Are you not meeting men because you’re not the right size, or you not meeting men because you don’t have the right attitude about yourself and what you have to offer? If you know it’s the latter, but are really having a hard time changing your opinion of yourself go, on a media free diet for a few of weeks and avoid all media that exults the super rich, super thin, and the super photo shopped. Nothing makes one feel worse than to be faced with the false perfection portrayed in glossy magazines (even we men are starting to feel the pressure). If need be, avoid those girlfriends around whom you feel like a wall flower, but make yourself go out frequently where a) you’ll be doing something you enjoy and b) you know single men will be.

I guarantee that after only a week you’ll start to feel more comfortable and happy in your own skin. If you really want to go for it you’ll dress with more care whenever you go out, not over the top sexy but in things that are both flattering and you feel good in. If someone pays you a compliment smile and say thank you graciously. In fact, smile at all the attractive men you come across just for the heck of it – and pretty soon they’re going to start following you down the street and asking you out.