2) The Differences in Psychology Approach of Nice Guys vs. Jerks
John, 42, from Southern California wrote a great classic comparison list from the perspective of a man who’s been a little too nice in his life!
3) Will wonder why she left, after all who did she think she was ... better than him?
“I ushered my ex out the door after being fed up with her constant lying about all things in general and recently found out that she was carrying on an extra marital affair during our marriage. I guess that makes me the nice guy!”
John has unfortunately become a doormat at times. His ordeal with his ex-wife shows just how much someone can be walked all over if they’ll allow it. The truth is that many jerks are created because we let them get away with behavior that we just shouldn’t allow, and jerks can just as easily be female as male.
Remember no matter how much you’re attracted to someone, or how much you love them, they should never be allowed to take advantage of your feelings, time, and attention. Do so at your own risk. It’s human nature to try and “get one up” on each other, to try and get away with poor behavior because we’re in a bad mood, rushed for time, under stress, or just because we want to see if we can get away with it.
But know that the more you allow a lover, boyfriend or spouse to take advantage of your kindness and attention the more they’ll take it for granted. Give generously – but have firm boundaries. Make sure you value your own time or no one else (most especially your significant other) will.
The Differences In Psychology Approach Of Nice Guys vs. Jerks
Lars, 27, from Virginia took a broad, important, but often overlooked angle:
“There’s no difference between a nice guy and a jerk. The only difference is that they’re using different approaches to get what they want.
The psychology of men and women is largely the same. The reason we can’t understand each other has more to do with the differences between individuals than the differences between the sexes. Don't you think gay couples have the same problems?”
I agree with Lars. I do believe that men and women have a few very significant differences in the way we make sense of the world, but I feel we’re far more alike than we want to admit to.
What we don’t like to face is that we’re attracted to people of the opposite sex for many different reasons – not only because of physical attraction or success or similar moral values.
We often put the behavior of a man we’re attracted to in the “jerk” category because he didn’t live up to our expectations – before we have any idea if his ideals and ethics even line up with our own beliefs in a particular given situation. Many times men aren’t jerks at all; they simply have a different belief system than we do.
One place, however, that it does appear men and women can differ is in the amount of time it takes for us to really care for someone. If women find a man attractive in appearance and personality she’s usually ready to let him into her life, men, on the other hand, take longer to decide whether a woman’s really worth knowing over the long haul.
Let’s Face It Many Women Like An Edge - And Some Jerks Have It
My friend Jonas, 29, from Kansas is the one who hit the nail on the important head with this one:
“I think there can be a fine line difference between a "nice guy" and a "jerk". I also think that a person can be one and the same, and I actually think it can be a good combo. Now my definition of a jerk might be different from someone else.
I don’t like "jerks" who disrespect women emotionally or physically. I think the ok kind of jerk is the guy who’s a bit edgy, doesn’t always go along with what his girlfriend thinks, feels, etc. He’s a nice guy but has that edge or "jerk" quality in subtle tones underneath. Did that make sense?
What I’m trying to say is that nice guys that have that subtle jerk essence underneath are a good catch.”
As much as we do our best to train the men we’re involved with to our own (usually higher) standards of domesticity, most of us don’t really want a lap dog who’ll do anything we ask for a boyfriend, lover or husband. Let’s face it, nothing loses most women’s interest more than a man who’s easily tamed and ready to agree with our every thought and whim.
Nope, most of us want men with their own backbone still intact once we get together with them,
even though (as stated earlier) as human beings we will try to see how often we can get our own way.
So ladies, now that you’ve heard it from the men what do you think? Do you agree, or do you have your own take on it? We’d love to hear your side of it on our message boards.
