How to Have Your First Orgasm -

And the Best Vaginal Orgasms

Dear Seduction Insider:

I would like to know how would a woman go about to have an orgasm. I play with myself but I don't know if I'm doing it right.

-Alisha


Melissa answers:

Before we get into how to bring about this wonderful gift from nature, let’s take a look at what the word orgasm actually means according to Dictionary.com:


Orgasm - The Big O

- The peak of sexual excitement characterized by strong feelings of pleasure and by a series of involuntary contractions of the muscles of the genitals, usually accompanied by the ejaculation of semen by the male. Also called climax.

The other physical experience we have that somewhat mirrors what happens during an orgasm is a sneeze. A sneeze is the build up of a tickle in your nose, and though you know one is coming on, you can’t really predict when exactly it’ll happen. And just about everything stops while you wait for that sneeze to finally arrive.

An orgasm does the same build up and release, but with an orgasm the build up is of pleasurable sexual feelings – until you hit a certain saturation point (different in everyone, and different for each person, each time) and once you hit that, the release is of even more pleasurable feelings than those you were having prior to that moment.

So, are you doing it right? Chances are you haven’t let the pleasurable feelings build up enough to bring about the release yet. While orgasms vary in intensity, they are all accompanied by a moment (even if only briefly) of your entire body feeling awash with the most amazing pleasure. And then immediately afterwards you’re left with a feeling of ease, and your pounding heart starts to slow down and return to normal (it was speeding up all the time you were masturbating).

Know up front that women have a more challenging time reaching orgasm because it takes us longer to become fully aroused. The good news, however, is that once a woman reaches her first orgasm in a given time, she can then more easily reach the second and third (and so on…) whereas men need time to rest and regroup. The younger the man, the shorter this period of time is, but even a teenage male can’t go from one orgasm to another the way a female can.

Most women need a good twenty to thirty minutes of pleasurable stimulation to reach orgasm, though a woman very experienced with her own body, and knowing exactly what it takes to turn her on, can often reach orgasm via masturbation more quickly.

What you need to do is get to know your own body even better, and find out what exactly it takes to bring you “over the top” to an orgasm. This is good not only for you to know on your own, but also so that you can share it with your sexual partner.


Bringing On An Orgasm

Here are some ideas on how you can increase your pleasure during masturbation so that you can move from “feeling good” to actually enjoying an orgasm:

Get yourself in a sexy state of mind. The brain is the biggest sex organ we have, so you need to find out what sorts of things turn you on mentally. For you it might be watching a thriller with your favorite sexy actor as the hero, or it might be a steamy love scene from a novel. Or you might want to try reading erotica, books that are specifically designed to turn on the human brain. Every year author Susie Bright brings out a collection of the “Best American Erotica” and you can find her newest collection for 2006 on Amazon.com now.

Make sure you have amble additional lubricant. Reading racy stories might make you wet enough to masturbate comfortably, however, most women find that from time to time (and most especially with a partner) that they need additional lubricant in order to stay comfortable and turned on. While your own saliva can work in a pinch, it’s best to have something more reliable on hand. KY Jelly personal lubricant is probably one of the most famous, and you can find it at almost any local drug store, however, through the privacy of the Internet you can also find all kinds of personal lubricants in yummy flavors. Water based lubricants are the least likely to cause you any allergic reactions and work well with condoms, while oil bases lubricants can actually damage condoms (so if your boyfriend wants to be cheap and just use Vaseline, think again).

Create mental fantasies. We all have individual taste when it comes to what exactly turns us on, so one of the best ways to masturbate all the way to orgasm is to make up your very own sexy personal fantasy in your head. This is something that comes to men naturally, but women can find it a bit more of a challenge. For one thing, we’re not as visual as men, so thinking of our naked boyfriend (or the guy you’d like to be your boyfriend) just doesn’t do the trick for us the way focusing on naked breasts can for men. Instead, women usually need a story line. The erotica I talked about earlier can help you along these lines, or you can take a scene from your favorite movie or book and insert yourself and take the action in a whole new direction. The most important thing is that you start making the time and effort to realize and recognize just what turns you on.


Orgasms From Masturbation

Try different masturbation techniques. Betty Dodson is the queen of teaching women to masturbate. She’s even written books like “Orgasmic Women” and “Orgasm for Two” to let you know all the different ways it can be done. I highly recommend you check out her website for more information (Google her name). Betty suggests that you trim your pubic hair to give yourself a heightened sense of your genitals and many women shave themselves bare, or get waxed, in order to be more sensitive to sexual stimulation (and men often prefer going down on a woman whose vaginal lips are cleanly shaven).

One of the most important things to understand when you masturbate is that the entire pelvic floor region is sensitive to sexual stimulation. When you focus solely on your clitoris all of time you’ll miss out on other great feelings you can create. You might also find that what you need in order to experience an orgasm is a combination of stimulation, such as rubbing your clitoris with one hand, while stimulating the sensitive opening of your vagina with another (or you can use a sex toy to do this).

The most important thing to remember when learning to bring yourself to orgasm is that there is a plethora of information on this website help you out (use our search box at the top of the site) – but that each woman is an individual and needs to find her own path to sexual pleasure!

Good Luck!