By Melissa Balmer
Copyright © 2006, Seduction Insider, www.seductioninsider.com.
If you're anything like me you started out thinking that the internet personals were for people who weren't successful finding dates in more traditional ways. I changed my mind a few years ago. In the span of a couple months I heard about the Nerve.com personals twice – once in an article in one of my favorite fashion magazines (giving it a very favorable review) and then again on "60 Minutes". At the time I'd been separated for almost a year, and my divorce had just been filed. I knew it was time to get back out in the dating world, but I was also starting my economic life over almost from scratch. What I didn't have was a lot of money to spend meeting men in the traditional ways, what I did have was a computer and the internet.
No matter your age or interests, chances are there's more than one personals site that fits you on the Internet, and your budget, and has the type of men you're looking for in their membership.
The hitch? Well there really isn't a hitch...so long as you remember that Internet personals are a tool to help you find romance, not the key to it. You are the key. The Internet personals can help you on your romantic journey, but you're always the one that will have to do the work. Before you begin I'd like to share with you the tips to help you not only succeed with the internet personals but also have a lot of fun, and be safe, while you're at it:
* Get clear on what you're going to be looking for in the personals. Where are you at emotionally right now? Are you really ready for a serious romance, prefer to casually date, or would you just like to make some male friends to hang out with?
Also, one personals site doesn't fit everyone. Be prepared to take the time to do the research on which sites might be best for you. You might be more comfortable sticking with a personals site that is only for Christian or Jewish singles (i.e. www.Singlec.com or www.jdate.com), or you might want the range of members that the big personals sites like www.Match.com or www.Kiss.com can offer. You might want a more alternative scene like www.Salon.com personals (same software as Nerve, and many of the alternative newspapers around the country are a part of this network as well), or www.GreenSingles.com, or you might try one of the personals sites that offer you the opportunity to search for friendships, dates and intimate encounters all in one like www.FriendFinder.com or www.LavaLife.com
* To find the best fit for you, take advantage of the free trial periods of at least a couple different personals sites before you fully sign up and pay. You aren't going to know how you like one until you try it out.
* Have a good current photo of yourself ready. Human beings are visual creatures in real life and in the personals. Don't put up a photo that's 10 years old when you were slimmer and younger looking, or a photo that's been so retouched your date won't recognize you. And make sure the photo is just of you. Your online personals profile is just about you, not you and your best friend, or you and your children, or you and your dog or cat.
Don't have a great photo of yourself? Well darling, there's no time like the present! If you don't have the money or chutzpah to go out and sit for a professional photography, why not have a photo night with some of your girlfriends? Crank up your favorite music, share make-up and hair tips, and spend an evening taking great photos of each other.
If you don't have the capability to scan your photo and store it in your computer to post to your personals profile, find a friend who can so you'll have your photo ready to upload when you create your profile. Trust me; profiles with photos are the ones who get responses.
* Filling out your personals "personal" information is a chance for you to tell prospective friends and romantic partners who you are and what's important to you. The profiles will take you through a series of questions you might not have thought about in awhile...if ever. Good! Use this space to get to know yourself again--or for the very first time!
Don't create who you think men will be attracted to on your personals profile, be yourself. Dig deep, and bring out what's unique and fun and interesting about you. Create a personals headline that sparks curiosity. The great thing about your personals profile? It can be edited again and again until you get it just the way you like it.
* Play fair. Be honest in your personals profile about your age, height, weight etc. You want to find someone who likes who you are right here, right now, not the fantasy person you might like to be. The biggest thing women seem to lie about on the personals? Their weight. The biggest thing men seem to lie about on the personals? Their age. It's silly; everyone's going to get caught. This isn't the way to start any prospective relationship. You want any date to be thrilled when they first lay eyes on you, not shocked and disappointed, right?
* Be on the ball. If you sit back and wait for the men to write to you on the personals, you leave it totally to chance whether or not someone you really find attractive will find you. Don't be lazy! Search through the men's profiles and write to the men that interest you. Why should men carry all the burden of approaching women in real life or the personals? Be modern. You don't have to ask the man out on a date, just send him a little note and say you liked what he wrote, his photo, you have similar taste in films, music, food etc.
* There are many fish in the sea. It's better to start to get to know several different men on the personals than to rush into something serious (even if it's just in writing) with one man. Just like in real life, you have no idea what going on in his life, what he's really looking for, or whether you'd really be right for each other--until you get to know each other better.
* Don't feel obliged to answer everyone who writes to you from the personals. Many men are going to ignore your preferences (your "preferences" are where you tell your profile what sort of man you're looking for). If someone makes you feel uncomfortable don't feel compelled to write back to them, even with a polite no thank you. It only happens rarely, but on occasion a man will try to argue you into meeting him. Don't fall for it. Listen to your gut. If he argues with you in the personals he'll argue with you in person.
* Use the safety of the personals site to get to know the men you come in contact with before jumping into meeting them in person. When you do agree to meet in person meet in a public place and drive yourself.
* Don't put all your eggs in one basket. Remember the internet personals are just a tool to help you in your romantic life, not the complete answer.
