The Biggest Sex Organ

Almost all of us have heard at one time or another that the brain is actually the biggest sex organ and yet you’d hardly think that’s the case the way most of us treat our sexuality – especially we women. Oh yes, we want the men in our romantic and sexual lives to engage and connect with us mentally and emotionally for sex, but we usually treat our own sexuality as something physical on the outside of ourselves. Too often we only feel good about our sexuality if our appearance lines up with our idealized mental version of what we feel we need to look like in order to be desired.

Let’s face it, our internal feeling of sexiness often has far more to do with what clothing size we are, whether we have a decent tan, or if we’ve been hitting the gym frequently enough. We obsess about our physical attributes (or fear of lack of them) while our true sexuality sits unused and abandoned, growing dusty in some little used corner of our minds.

It doesn’t have to be this way. You can pick up your inner sexuality, dust it off, and learn how to use it again (or for the first time) at any time. Yes, like a muscle it does need to be warmed up and used in order to become strong and useful, but once it does you’ll be surprised and delighted at the interesting new dimensions it will bring into your love life.

Become a sexy thinker, and you’ll become a very sexy woman.

How to start? With your imagination. Give yourself permission to start seriously fantasizing about what your ideal sexual experiences would be – and I don’t mean only when you’re alone, and need to get into the mood to work off a little tension and loneliness. Nope, I mean for you to make this a summer project, just like scrap booking all those old photos you’ve got piling up in drawers and cupboards. And I mean for you to record these fantasies in a journal. Yep, I want you to find the courage to write them down.

Gulp. Yep, I said write them down. I want you to go out and buy yourself a journal and divide into two sections (or two journals if you prefer) and take a week by week journey into discovering your sexual self.

One section of the book is for you to write out sexual fantasies that you can easily imagine happening. Basically this is re-running the mental tapes of your actual sex life and imagining how it could be improved on. Would you like more foreplay? Different positions? A more imaginative location? To try a toy you’ve read about but haven’t had the courage to try? This is the place where you’re going to start making things all those things you wish you’d already experience - like multiple orgasms that you didn’t have to bring on all by yourself – by writing them down. The clearer you are about what you want, the more you can visualize making it happen, the more it will.

The second part of the journal is a place to let your imagination and creativity and wildness reign free and see what happens. This is the place to shock and amaze yourself.

Since this section is more challenging to give yourself permission to engage in you might need some inspiration in order to get in the spirit. And yes, you might have to work up to it bit by bit. Move at the pace that’s right for you, but challenge yourself to give it a try.

Yes, a good bottle of red wine, or a stiff martini might help to loosen you up and get in the right mind frame. You could also go rent a pornographic video (or steal one of your boyfriend’s or husband’s) but while this may show you some wild new acts and positions you haven’t tried, it isn’t necessarily going to get your creative juices flowing. And that’s what this is about, it’s about opening your sexual mind up and discovering new aspects of your personality, and your taste, and your longings, and your desires that perhaps you’ve never tapped into before, and you certainly haven’t delved into and embellished.

The type of inspiration I recommend, instead, is either something you listen to, or something you read – or both. Why not create a soundtrack of the sexiest songs you know to play while getting creative? If you need even more inspirations, however, I recommend you let yourself be inspired by women who’ve bravely gone before you and can show you just how it’s done.


Anais Nin

In her amazing life she went from being a “Gibson Girl” model from the turn of the last century, to the lover of writer Henry Miller in Paris, to a starving artist in New York who wrote erotic stories when it was all she could get paid for and ended up creating two of the best loved erotic masterpieces of all time “Delta of Venus” and “Little Birds.” Nin also is famous for writing beautiful, articulate journals of her fascinating life, which are just as inspiring as her erotica.


Nancy Friday

Author and lecturer Nancy Friday broke new ground with her series of books containing actual women’s fantasies. If you’ve never read “My Secret Garden,” “Forbidden Fruit,” or “Women on Top” you might find that reading fantasies other women have been brave enough to share will give you the permission to dig down deep and express your true erotic self.


Susie Bright

Many of you may have read my review of Bright’s “Full Exposure” already which is also a great place to start inspiring your erotic self, but Bright has written a series of really fascinating, intelligent books on how we often address sexuality here in the United States in very odd and contradictory ways. She also edits “The Best American Erotica” series and both tours and lectures on the subject as well. You can find all sorts of inspiring information to help unleash your own erotic creativity at her website www.susiebright.com.

Had I not stumbled onto all three of these brave, articulate women I would never have had the nerve to pick up my own pen and write about sex. What you find when you start exploring your sexuality through writing is that you start understanding your sexuality better, and once you start understanding your sexuality better, you find that your sexuality grows and blossoms and becomes something you’re happy to share with your lover in new and increasingly erotic ways – and he’s oh-so-happy you did.