Dating Up (Part IV): Attract Men by Becoming a 'Society Butterfly'

It’s time for you to become a “society butterfly”. That’s right a “society butterfly” not a “social butterfly”. A “social butterfly” is merely a person who likes to know a lot of people, a “society butterfly” is instead a person who knows the movers and shakers in whatever city or town she lives in (and if she’s smart the surrounding cities and towns as well). And why is it so important to know these movers and shakers? Because they are the people who get things done, and people who get things done a) know a lot of other people and b) usually move in interesting social circles. In order to succeed at vastly improving your dating pool you need both.

Please note your goal in becoming a “society butterfly” isn’t so that you can flirt with every successful man you come across, it’s to build a strong social network for yourself so that you’ll begin to have an interesting, broad array of friends and acquaintances in your city or town to spend your social time with. The flirting will come a bit later when you’ve started to be invited to all sorts of events and parties.

So just how do you begin to know the movers and shakers in your city or town in an easy step by step process?


Get To Know The “Who’s Who” Where You Live

We live in a media obsessed age, but most of us are only obsessed with the national entertainment and fashion media. This is a grave mistake. If you want to be both a “society butterfly”, and get to know a better caliber of men in your local area you need to know what’s going on (in the fields that truly interest you) right here, right now, right where you live. It’s fine to read Vogue if you love fashion (I recommend that you do) but you need to also know what’s going on with local designers. Who’s up and coming? What about musicians, architects, business? Read your local papers and magazines created for your general area. You’ll find they cover all sorts of interesting people living right under your nose, that you’ve never heard of, doing very impressive and interesting things.

Once you start to read the local papers and magazines you’ll start to become very familiar with the movers and shakers in the various fields in your area. If someone does something that you find particularly impressive do some research and find out how to write them a note, or email them, to tell them how touched you were by their actions. Is this brown nosing? Not if you’re sincere (and not if you don’t keep writing them to the point of stalking them). Want to really make a positive impression? Send them a hand written note on beautiful stationary and include your business card (if you have don’t have business cards have a personal card made at www.vistaprint for a great price) so they can get in touch with you in return if they like. Don’t be disappointed if you don’t hear from them. Some day you will.

Great stationary is a great personal statement. I recently found the site www.stationarystudio.com that creates very beautiful stationary, including personalized, for very good prices. Why not treat yourself to something that really makes a “statement” about you?

Once you’ve done enough research you’ll start recognizing the various charities and other organizations that people you’d like to know are involved in. The next step is to sign up to help the charity yourself.


The Wonderful World of Charities

Charity organizations are one of best ways to get close to, and learn from, the kinds of people you’re impressed with, and a great way to expand your social horizons in general. It’s also a great way for a shy person to step forward in a rather painless way and get involved with making something great happen for her community. Another wonderful thing about charities is that they always need help. When looking for a charity to be involved in it’s important to keep a few things in mind:

1) Choose a charity that focuses on something close to your heart, otherwise you’ll not only come across as insincere, you’ll also lose interest soon and defeat the purpose of joining.

2) Choose a charity that’s large enough to be well organized, otherwise you might find yourself overwhelmed with responsibilities you have no skills or time for.

3) Choose a charity that’s successful at raising money by throwing large events.

4) Choose a charity that interests both women and men – obviously.

Most of what I’ve written above are reasons that make themselves quite obvious, but why do I want you to join a charity that’s successful at raising money by throwing large events? I have two reasons; one is that the successful charities are run by successful people and attract successful people to give money to them. You’re interested in upping the caliber of the people you both know and date, so you need to know these people. The second reason is that you will learn a myriad of important social skills by being involved in throwing a big grand event. In the beginning you’ll be given grunt work. Accept it with good grace, and be a joy to work with, and you’ll quickly move up so long as you make it clear that you want to.

You want to become known as a person who can make things happen, within the budget and time constraints, and works well with others. Do this and you’ll create a positive vibe about yourself. You’ll become known as a person moving her way up, making good things happen, and others with greater experience will start to help you succeed – as long as you’re responsible and gracious.

And guess what? You’ll need to know all about how to be responsible, gracious, and work well with others if you want to date very successful men. Living in the lap of luxury may seem easy as pie, and while it’s certainly easier than being poor, it come with a whole heap of responsibilities you can’t even imagine until you get out and about and start seeing the sort of effort it takes to make big projects happen. Being involved in charities will teach you much you need to know.

Stay tuned for the next edition of “Dating Up” -- on how you can really start to “stand out” from the crowd…