By Melissa Balmer
Copyright © 2006, Seduction Insider, www.seductioninsider.com.
“There is a difference between wishing for a thing, and being ready to receive it.” - Napoleon Hill
In our deepest heart of hearts most of us wish that someday we’ll find our true soul mate, that special person with whom we can be totally ourselves and feel totally understood. The sad part is that most of us leave this secret wish as just that, a secret wish that we don’t act on.
As much as we’re obsessed with love and sex in our society, and as much as we love the idea of a “soul mate,” most of us do very little to create a great love life for ourselves. Unfortunately, just when our world is more mobile than ever, with infinite possibilities of meeting people all over the world (and therefore, soul mates), we’ve become very lazy, preferring to be seduced by the Hollywood myth that great love and a fantastic sex life, will just drop in our laps someday if we’re nice and patient enough.
This article is called “Getting Ready For Your Soul Mate”, because two of the crucial steps in meeting your soul mate are being in the right place mentally and emotionally to accept them, and then to define quite clearlyjust who your right soul mate is. Only you have the answer, only you know in your heart when you’re doing things that keep yourself from being open to love, and only you know what sort of person really is your soul mate.
The exciting part is you’ve got a blank page to create exactly what you want. And yes, part of the exercise is to actually write down who you’re looking for. But that also means the daunting part is you’ve got a blank page to create exactly what you want.
Why write things down instead of just imagining them in your mind? Henriette Anne Klauser, Ph.D., writes in her book “Write It Down, Make it Happen”
“Writing down your dreams and aspirations is like hanging up a sign that says, ‘Open for Business.’”
So let’s look at some ways to spark your imagination and get your creative juices going, and getting you all that much closer to your soul mate!
Write A Relationship Review
I’m borrowing this idea is from the great book “Finding True Love” by author Daphne Rose Kingma, who states in the book:
“This exercise is like taking a walk through the formal gardens of your love life, stopping to take note of those people (some of them may be statues now, concrete and encrusted) who have stood in your midst and played a role in your heart.”
Yes, Kingma’s language is a bit flowery and formal, but the point she makes is a very important one. Only by stepping back from old emotional and sexual yearnings and looking at our past relationships with curiosity will we begin to see both the positive patterns and the negative ones that we can continue, or decide never to repeat again. Note down each significant relationship, from your high school crush onward, and ask yourself two questions for each:
What did I learn about myself from this relationship?
Does it follow a pattern (either negative or positive) in previous or following relationships?
No matter how much you think the guy broke your heart you learned something from a romantic relationship, even if for the most part it was a nightmarish train wreck. Negative patterns are important to notice because they show where you fall into “automatic” behavior with men, rather than being totally present in the situation. Not sure what I’m talking about? Perhaps you always fall for the guy who’s down on his luck, and you feel it’s your job to save him, and you do – only the relationship never lasts because you end up being his Mom not his lover, and he ends up resenting you. Or perhaps you fall for men who are as emotionally distant and cold, which makes you act out in more and more dramatic ways to try and get their attention and the sort of reaction you crave.
Once these lessons and patterns are down in black and white on paper and you recognize them you can take ownership of the things you’re proud of, and you can make a commitment to let go of those behaviors that no longer serve you. After all, the definition of crazy is doing the same thing over and over again – but expecting different results. To be open to your soul mate you’ve got to be ready to try something new.
Getting Clear On Who Your Soul Mate Is
Now it’s time to start putting down on paper exactly the sort of man you want to attract. Many of us cringe at this idea, we find it embarrassing, and worry that it will be too concrete and then we’ll be stuck. That’s not what writing it down is all about – writing it down is a process, not the end goal. Writing it down gets your mind to thinking and refining and pondering. You can always make changes when you realize you’ve gone off in the right direction. But writing things down is important because it shows the universe (and your subconscious mind) that you mean business now. Here’s what Henriette Anne Klauser has to say about it:
“Writing a full-fledged description of what you want is one way of saying you believe that it’s attainable and you are ready to receive it. The more precise you can be, the more ready you are.”
If you’re still finding the blank page daunting, here are two ideas to get you moving in the right direction:
Who Are Your Heroes?
Rather than using Hollywood and the media to merely entertain yourself, use them instead to get clear on what you find attractive about a man’s character. Sure, you might think Keanu Reeves, or Heath Ledger, or Jake Gyllenhaal is just the sexiest thing in pants, but it’s the characters that these actors play who initially drew you in.
Looking back at the movies and books who had heroes you admire will tell you a lot about the kind of qualities you’re looking for in your soul mate. Do you prefer an anti-establishment hero, the sort who goes his own road like Johnny Depp? Or do you prefer the good guy who always does his best to help others the way Tom Welling’s Clark Kent does in Smalleville? If you’re not sure, go back and re-watch favorite movies, and re-read favorite books and notice all of the things you like about your heroes.
How Do You Want To Feel In Romance?
This is one important step in being open to our soul mate that most of us forget. Most of us women can rattle off to you exactly what we want our soul mate to look like, what sort of job he has, how tall he is, and what sort of car he drives, but when it gets down to how we actually want to feel in that perfect romantic relationship we get pretty foggy. Again, we’re stuck in the Hollywood myth of “happily ever after.”
What we forget is that each of us is an individual, and that how one woman wants to feel in love isn’t the exact same thing another wants. Remember, your soul mate isn’t some generic guy who’s right for just anyone, your soul mate is the man who’s just right for you.
