To Spit or Swallow?

Whenever I see an article on a men’s website or in a magazine about “How To Get Your Woman To Swallow” I wonder the very same thing one of our female readers wanted to know of a guy on one of our message boards – had the guy ever tried it himself?

I doubt it.

Just like the yearning to try anal sex, men love the idea of getting women to do things sexually they themselves wouldn’t dream of (or at least most won’t admit to dreaming of). They often get away with it just because they’ve got the balls to ask for what they want. Something, by the way, we gals aren’t usually very good at when it comes to sex, but if we’re smart we’ll take a page from their book.

Mind you, I’m not dissing swallowing during oral sex, not at all. If it’s something you enjoy (and you’ve both been tested for both HIV and STD’s) then by all means swallow away. But if it’s not something you enjoy, if you don’t like the taste (or if you’re like me and get a bit of a stomach ache afterwards), then don’t let yourself be cajoled into something just because it makes your guy feel like “king” of the world.

I know it sounds like I’m dissing men, but I’m not. Like I said, if we could take a lesson from their book of feeling we deserve sexual pleasure, and could ask more for what we want in bed, the female race would be much much happier. Actually I’m being very practical, honest and straightforward – something women aren’t always good at when it comes to sex.

You see, if you let yourself be cajoled into swallowing sperm during oral sex, or into doing any other sexual act you find distasteful, uncomfortable or even painful, then sooner or later you’ll find ways of getting back at your guy in other ways – and he won’t have a clue what you’re really mad about.

If you don’t like swallowing then be straight out about it with your guy. If you don’t like the taste then challenge him to play fair and drink his own. I bet he’ll begin to understand your reluctance. Do your best to find out why seeing you swallow up his wad is so very important to him.

You might find out that it really isn’t, he just thought he should try to get you to do it, just the way you may try to get him to go shopping with you or interesting in choosing carpet colors. You may, on the other hand, find out that swallowing is very important to him, that it fills some sort of emotional need.

A man and a woman in a sexual and/or emotional relationship don’t have exactly the same sexual and/or emotional needs, (no two people have exactly the same emotional and/or sexual needs) yet most of us march forward in our sexual relationships acting as if we did. We think that somehow we’ll figure out what we don’t know about each other under the covers, that action speaks louder than words.

Unfortunately we’re up against terrific odds. Both sides, both sexes, come to bed with our own unique needs and wants but also with different information about what to do, what’s important, and how to act.

No wonder we’re so confused, frustrated, and often not getting any.

The main message men get in the media about sex is that they must have a bigger cock that lasts a long long time if they’re to please a female and be a real man. The irony here – no one in the mainstream media wants to look at – most women don’t orgasm from straight intercourse.

Sex between men and women currently is full of these kinds of misunderstandings and miscommunications which makes us miserable and often leery of the opposite sex. It doesn’t need to be this way. You can be part of the revolution to play fair in sex. You can learn to ask for what you need in sex, what you want, and you can learn to bargain with your lover to find the best way for the both of you to get the best of what you both have to offer.

So should you swallow if you don’t really enjoy it and it’s something that thrills your man to no end? That depends, how willing is your lover to spend time doing something with/for you that he doesn’t really enjoy sexually? Do you need more of his tongue time between your legs than he’s usually willing to give?

Would you like more foreplay, or a different position, or perhaps you’d like him to use his hands during intercourse to give you extra stimulation and he’s been lazy about complying? I’m sure if you think about it there are ample ways you can think of that he can please you if you put your mind to it. As alluring as it is to get him to promise to take out the trash I’d keep your bargaining about sex on sexual acts.

None of this will work, however, unless you both keep your end of the bargain - otherwise it becomes null and void. Don’t be a good sport and go forward with something if your lover isn’t…because remember, being a woman, you will then resort to getting revenge in a very backhanded way about something that seems to have absolutely nothing at all to do with sex. Aren’t you worth more? Aren’t you worth a better sex life and dealing with the situation head on openly and honestly?

A man can’t read your mind or your sexual needs. As embarrassing and tough as it can be to communicate about your secret desires only you hold the key to your sexuality. So should you spit or should you swallow? Maybe it’s time to use that tantalizing little conversation starter to begin an honest conversation with your lover on how to make your time naked in the sheets better for both of you.