By Melissa Balmer
Copyright © 2006, Seduction Insider, www.seductioninsider.com.
Good news! That hot guy you met last Friday night out at that club/coffee house/friend’s party etc. called and you’ve set a first date for this week. The bad news? You haven’t had much luck lately moving a “first” date to a “second” one. What’s going on? Why aren’t they calling for more of your marvelousness?
Is it possible your dating skills have gotten a bit lazy and lax of late? Is it possible your charm is a bit tarnished and needs to be polished up? To help you out I polled several very hot, very charming single men to find out just what turns him off about women during a first date. Here’s what they said:
1. She Can’t Keep Good Eye Contact
The eyes, dear ladies, are the window to the soul – so let him gaze into yours! It’s natural to be nervous on a first date, but if you let your nervousness keep you from being able to engage his eye contact you’re going to lose his interest. Why? Because nervous behavior, like not being able to keep eye contact, often comes across to another as simply disinterested or rude behavior. Certainly you shouldn’t have a staring contest with him, but the more you engage his eye contact the more interest he’s going to feel from you, and the more engaged he’s going to be.
If it’s really hard for you to keep eye contact with anyone start taking baby steps by practicing on friends and strangers. Challenge yourself to keep eye contact for at least 5 seconds at a time until it starts to feel natural.
2. Talking too Much About Herself and Not Being Interested in Me
A date where either party hogs the spotlight is no fun for the other person. Your challenge, especially on a first date, is to keep the conversation at a good volley. The conversation needs to go back and forth in order for it to be enjoyable. It’s all about give and take.
When a man’s a good listener it’s easy to fall into the trap off unburdening your soul. Watch out, because too much information on the first date (or even the second, or third) is not a good thing. At this point you need to keep some mystery about yourself – but more on this for the next point…
3. Talks too Much About Her Ex – For Good or Bad
Another trap that’s easy to fall into is talking too much about your ex. Unfortunately, neither trashing him nor singing his praises works because both come across as if you’re still hooked on the relationship and not ready for someone new. Basically men who are interested in you romantically or sexually don’t like to hear about the other men you’ve been with. They pretend well, but they don’t like it. Before going on a date remind yourself to live in the “present.” To really be able to enjoy yourself with a new man you need to be able to live in the “hear and now.” You’re being given a new slate to start fresh with. Take advantage of it.
4. Talking on Her Cell Phone During the Date
This is just rude. We have become such a cell phone addicted society that it’s very easy to forgot. Who in the world is more important to talk to than your date? Sure, there are exceptions. If there’s a family emergency and you’re waiting for news that’s one thing, but in most cases let’s be honest – it’s just a friend calling to catch up or gossip, and that can wait until after the date. Don’t confuse men’s need to “chase” a hot catch with rude female behavior. You can wait to return his emails and phone calls to build his interest about you, but when you’re actually on a date with a man you should be there with him 100 percent.
5. Leaving and staying too long in the Bathroom
This is another rude behavior that we females fall into far too easily – either because we’re so nervous we feel we need to reapply almost all of our makeup, or because we’re dying to call that friend back and gossip, etc. Remember someone who asked to spend time with you, and who is likely paying for it, is waiting patiently for you to return – so do it as quickly as possible.
If, on the other hand, it’s not your fault make sure you let him know. If there was a long line for the ladies room fill him in.
6. Being Rude to Wait Staff/Personnel
There are people who feel it shows class by looking down their nose at the wait staff at restaurants and bars. Instead it just shows poor manners. Chances are a man is paying for this first date with you. He’s not going to think well of you acting bitchy to the personnel at a restaurant, or other establishment, that he’s asked you to. True class is having polite manners with everyone, no matter what their job is.
7. Not Eating Anything or Just a Tiny Portion of Her Meal
I cannot tell you how many men have complained about this to me over the years! If you need to diet don’t do it on dates. Save your calorie counting for another time. No, you don’t have to order steak and a bake potato with all the trimmings, but if you just order a side salad, or order an entrée and only eat a tiny bit, you’re going to make him feel bad. The whole world of women and their food issues is very mysterious and annoying to most men because most men don’t have nearly the body issues women do. Just go out and enjoy the meal you’d really like to have. And if he wants dessert? Split one with him, he’ll probably eat most of it anyway!
8. Bad Table Manners and Chewing Gum with her Mouth Open
Because we women, in general, notice more about what people around us are “feeling” than men do, we tend to think men don’t notice much of anything about us but how short our skirt is. Don’t be so vain and foolish. Men are noticing all kinds of things about us on dates, and if your table manners are poor he’s not going to want to take you home to meet his mother. Chew with your mouth closed! Put your napkin on your lap once you sit down. Take bites you can manage easily. Don’t talk with your mouth full. And avoid chewing gum on dates. Chewing gum is one of those things that’s fun to do but annoying to watch.
9. She Checks Out Other Guys While on the Date
Thinking, again, that men don’t notice much, many women think it’s okay to notice other men when they’re out on a date. It isn’t unless it’s the most horrible date of your life and you can’t get away fast enough. If you’re enjoying your date, if he’s attractive and attentive, than keep your focus on him.
10. Telling Me, “Just So You Know I Don’t Do Anything on the First Date.”
You are under no obligation to kiss a man or do anything else sexual with him after a first date (or any other) just because he bought you a nice dinner and a few drinks – but announcing this to him right off the bat is just in poor taste. It makes him feel like an animal you don’t trust to behave well. Do your best to give a man the benefit of the doubt. If you think he’s just after sex perhaps you shouldn’t have said yes to a date, right?
Now it’s very possible that after dinner and a few drinks he may try to get cozier than you’re comfortable with. That’s the time to politely say, “thanks but I don’t really know you well enough yet.” That keeps his feelings from being bruised, and it leaves the door open for the future, which his ego is going to like. Trust me, he’s going to be calling you for date number two very soon.
