Are You Training Him To Be A Jerk? -

Even Good, Sweet-hearted Men Can Become Total Jerks If Their Girlfriend Allows It To Happen

Of course you hate to admit this to yourself because you’re already emotionally attached to him, and he’s not always a total grump, but his forgetfulness, and inconsiderate behavior are starting to wear you down. In fact, you’re starting to dread the holiday season rather than looking forward to it, and just like Janet Jackson’s old tune you’ve been wondering a lot “what has he done for me lately?”


How you set it Up His Bad Behavior

So what’s the problem? Is the chemistry dead? Probably not, you’ve probably just trained him to be a jerk. Yep, you heard me right. You trained him to be a jerk. Sounds shocking I know, but here’s the deal – we are constantly teaching people how to treat us with our own behavior. And here’s the kicker, even good, sweet-hearted men can become total jerks if their girlfriend allows it to happen.

Think back to the beginning of the relationship. What happened the first time he didn’t call you until the last minute to go and do something Friday night? You let it slide, right?

You were sitting by the phone waiting for him and were just delighted he called. So what did he learn? You’d begun to put your life on hold to be with him. The minute a guy feels you’re an absolute sure thing he’s going to start taking advantage of you just to see just how far he can push it. And no, I’m not implying here that it’s just men who do this sort of thing. It’s human nature.

If someone shows us a weakness, shows us how important we are, we try and take advantage of it, and we lose some of our respect and interest in them.

Remember, we all want someone special.

There are a myriad of ways our behavior teaches a man you’re not worth his best behavior. If a guy doesn’t have to plan ahead in order to spend time with you, if you allow him to be constantly late, or to speak and treat you in less than a respectful manner, he starts to become lazy and take advantage of you, it all shows you don’t think well enough of yourself to stop him.

Whatever bad behavior of his you try and over look, whatever bad behavior of his you accommodate is going to grow. By trying to be a good sport and “nice” you’re showing him you don’t feel you’re worth the best.


Bitching Doesn’t Work

Nagging and bitching to a guy into better behavior doesn’t work either. Once a guy puts the “bitch” label on you he closes his ears and his mind to what you have to say. Actions always speak louder than words, but actions mixed with the “right” words are the most powerful combo to bringing back his good behavior.

The very first thing you need to do is become less available right now. When he calls at 6:30 on Friday night to see what’s up, either don’t pick up the phone, or tell him you’re walking out the door to go see that new chick flick with your girlfriends, have dinner and drinks with friends from work, catch up with an old friend.

It doesn’t really matter what you say, it just needs to be about you going and enjoying yourself without him. And here’s the key – don’t be angry, don’t be snotty, just tell him you’ve got to go.

Are you really going to be doing any of things? It’s up to you. The important thing is to simply be unavailable to him – all night. That’s right, no calling him the minute you get home. He needs to be reminded you have your own life, and you need to be reminded to go out and get one.

The powerful way to get his interest back, and have him realize he can’t take you for granted, is to simply have more going on in your life so you’re not always available. Think about it. If he calls to you Tuesday to go out Wednesday, and what you really want is for him to take you out Saturday, don’t bitch and moan and tell him what a jerk he is, tell him you’d love to go – but you’ve got other plans.

How can he get angry with that? It’s not that you don’t want to spend time with him; it’s simply that you’ve got a lot going on in your life. He learns he’d better plan ahead to spend time with you. He begins to realize he can’t take you for granted.

If instead the problem is that you no longer do anything fun together, that he seems to have lost his entire creative spark, let him know gently but firmly you’re just not having fun. Deep down men want to have the power to show a woman a good time. They love it when women laugh at their jokes, and enjoy the dinners they take them to, and they can show you something new. But as humans they get quickly lazy if they don’t fee they have to make an effort.

If you tell a man you’re simply not having fun with him, and it’s clear he’s not making an effort, he can’t really argue, can he? You’re not telling him to spend a fortune on you, you’re not telling him not attracted to him any longer, you’re simply telling him the truth. It’s getting boring.

You can do the same thing about his attitude towards you. If he’s started to speak with you in less than a respectful way, if he’s degrading you in any way, let him know it’s just not behavior you condone.

Again, don’t bitch, just insist kindly but firmly. If he continues either ask him to leave or you leave yourself. He has to learn that bad behavior loses your interest in him quickly.


You Have to Get Over Loneliness on Your Own

Here’s a powerful secret you need to own that will help you follow through on all of these suggestions – romantic relationships aren’t for getting rid of your loneliness, only you can do that. If you don’t find being with yourself much fun neither will a man, and soon the lazy bad behavior will start.

It’s so easy to just start to “hang out” all the time with a new man rather than planning dates and how to spend your time together. Don’t fall into that trap. Take the time to realize that you are only a great catch if you own it and act accordingly.