My Vagina Upclose

Why Do the Majority of Women Never Orgasm from Intercourse Alone?

We’re actually going to talk about more than just the vagina in this little conversation here – basically we’re going to talk about that whole nether region, that mysterious area between a woman’s legs that the beautiful, talented, and amazingly sexy writer Anais Nin simply and elegantly called “her sex.”

But I wanted to put the word “vagina” in the title because it’s such a darn tough word for us to use. For one thing we’re so ashamed of the word vagina, and what it stands for, and for another it unfortunately rhymes with a word that’s a serious illness. Penis, on the other hand, isn’t such a great sounding word either, but at least it rhymes with Venus.

But before we go further, you might want to take a moment to refresh your memory on just what a woman’s “sex” entails, for as Wikipedia points out:

“In common speech, the term 'vagina' is often used improperly to refer to the vulva or female genitals generally; strictly speaking the vagina is a specific internal structure and the vulva is the exterior genitalia only. Calling the vulva the vagina is akin to calling the mouth the throat.”

Here, for your viewing pleasure, is what the female sexual genetalia entails: Vagina


Arousal

Okay, let’s be honest, you’re reading an article with the word “vagina” in the title because you want to improve your sex life. You’re either a guy who wants some tips on how to get it on with women faster, better, and longer, or you’re a woman who wonders if she’s normal (and who also wants to get it on faster, better, and longer).


The Vagina “Superior” Myth

Perhaps we have Sigmund Freud to blame for the theory that there’s a difference between a clitoral and vaginal orgasm – with the easier to achieve clitoral orgasm inferior to the more mature (and harder to achieve) vaginal orgasm one – for he appears to be the one who promoted it (and may have invented it). The problem with this theory is that 60-85% (depending on the survey you read) of women never orgasm from intercourse alone.

That’s right, the majority of women never orgasm from intercourse alone. I’m always fascinated that very few people seem to be at all alarmed by this fact. Instead, we seem to ignore it and focus instead on Viagra. Why? The problem, I believe, is two fold:

Women continue to lie and tell men they reach orgasm during intercourse when they don’t.

Frankly, basic intercourse is very easy for men, and it’s easier to believe a woman is enjoying intercourse as much as they are – even after their woman starts to avoid sex – than it is to break out the communication skills and take the time to figure out what’s wrong.

By the way, I’m pointing the finger of laziness and embarrassment equally at both men and women here. Neither is to blame, in my book, over the other.

So, what does it mean for the whole argument about the vaginal vs. clitoral orgasm? It means that all female genital arousal starts with the clitoris. That doesn’t mean that women don’t experience different kinds of orgasms, with different sensations, but it does mean that the clitoris cannot be ignored.

Yes, some women do orgasm from intercourse alone – but it’s because their sexual equipment is lined up in a way with their partners so that their clitoris gets enough stimulation to make it happen. If you’re one of the unlucky many that haven’t experienced an orgasm during plain old intercourse you can take heart – and more importantly – you can take the matter into your own hands and change your luck. It just takes some patience, and the willingness to try different positions and stimulation techniques until you find the right combination to give your clitoris the stimulation it needs.


What About the G-Spot?

Ah, but what about the famous G-spot? What about those mind bending orgasms that erupt in slow waves up through the vagina and shake a woman’s entire body? Doesn’t stimulating that illusive area on the front wall of the vagina bring them on? Yes, for many it does. I’m not at all discounting the G-spot orgasms (though, just like with everything good about sex, sadly not everyone seems to be able to experience them), but there is evidence to suggest that the G-spot is actually a part of the clitoris as well. In 1998 the Australian researcher Helen O’Connell (among others) claimed that the clitoris is much larger than original thought, and that:

“…the clitoris actually surrounds the urethra (the passageway through which urine exists the bladder) on three sides. The fourth, posterior side is embedded in the anterior vaginal wall.”

To some health workers, and those interested in better understanding female sexuality, this explains exactly what the G-spot is, and why the area on the upper wall of the vagina, just below the urethra, is an area of increased sexual responsiveness. It could also explain why it’s the first couple of inches of the vagina, which are the most sensitive as well.


All's Well that Ends Well

The most important thing I’d like you to take away from this article is a greater sense of curiosity about female sexual well being, and a few ideas about how you might make your own (or your partners) happen. The vagina is still a mysterious place. The nerve endings in female genitalia have yet to be completely figured out (no, I’m not exaggerating about this) while the nerve endings in male genitalia have already been discovered and mapped out quite some time ago. Female sexuality is also still quite mysterious, so no matter how much society, or your peers, or others try and tell you otherwise, there are no hard and fast rules for how women should be able to enjoy sex.

Each woman has to take her own journey of discovery to sexual pleasure, and she needs an open-minded partner to help her get there. Women need to let go of feeling pressured to enjoy sex exactly the way their partner does, or the way they see it portrayed in movies and porn, and instead need to be okay with taking the time and making the effort to find out what works for them. Lucky for us the clitoris is the one organ created solely for creating pleasure – and that makes the vagina very happy indeed.