By Melissa Balmer
Copyright © 2006, Seduction Insider, www.seductioninsider.com.
I decided to go straight to the horse’s mouth this time girls and ask a group of men I know straight out the top three reasons why they think men lie to women, and then why they personally have lied to women themselves. I found their answers very honest, enlightening and I think you will too. I also found it very interesting that more than one of the men stated different reasons for why he believes men lie in general and why he has lied himself.
Here is what Mark a 28 year old technical writer had to say:
Top Three Reasons Men Lie In General:
1) For Sex
2) To Avoid Conflict
3) To Avoid Doing Something He Doesn’t Want To Do
My Personal Reasons For Having Lied To Women:
1) I don’t know that I’ve ever lied outright for sex. Hmmm. Probably. Hard to believe that I haven’t.
2) If I’ve forgotten to do something, but I can do it before the lie can be found out, and I’m dealing with someone who will get bent out of shape, I’ll lie. Note that I’ll only do this with women who take it personally that I forgot and who will whine and get offended.
3) For number 3, this is a catch all: “I have to work late” to get out of some thing or another. Though, if I’ve said I have to work late, I do then generally work late. I don’t say I have to work late, then go do something else. Also, if I’ve already committed, I don’t then bag out at the last minute unless I really have to work late.
Jeff, a 32 year old grad student thinks his reasons concur with those of men in general:
My Personal Reasons For Having Lied To Women:
1) I lied because I did something wrong and I didn’t want to face up to it
2) I lied because I felt roped into a commitment
3) I lied because I didn’t want to worry her
Here’s some very honest and insightful views from Brett, a 36 year old P.R. executive in Los Angeles had to say:
Top Three Reasons Men Lie To Women:
1) Because they’re insecure. They’d never get the date if they admitted they were 5’6” or made less than $30,000 a year, so they figure they’ll “fudge” the truth and hopefully she’ll fall for him for all the other reasons women fall for men (that covers pretty much everything, by the way – as most things fall under the umbrella of insecurity). Alas, she won’t.
2) Because they have something to hide. This is another form of insecurity, since the truth often hurts. For example, if you’re married and looking for a fling, you’re most likely not going to admit to being married. Pretty much anything that will prevent one from getting a date will be glossed over for obvious reasons. Why tell someone you’re on Prozac? Or that your last relationship was emotionally abusive? Or that you’re fifty pounds overweight but “working on it”? This is what I call “bad truth”. You’re not lying, but you’re not giving full disclosure either. It makes sense – it just doesn’t end well in most cases.
3) Because they can. You’re not immediately accountable for anything when you’re hiding behind a computer screen and a fictitious username. Lying allows people to play out their fantasies and act more powerful than real life allows them to. Again it makes logical sense, but people adopting different personas online only set themselves up for failure in real life.
My Reasons For Lying To Women:
It may sound like a lie, but I never lie online. You need a healthy ego to be yourself in full, but the rewards are that no one will ever feel deceived when they meet you. I don’t disclose my income, or mention my dislikes at all – because why alienate anyone? Probably my most common non-disclosure is the don’t ask/don’t tell policy of dating multiple people. Women I’ve met often breach that by discussing their date last night or their upcoming date. I think it’s safe to assume most people are dating multiple people – there’s no value to mentioning it, however.
Usually it's just to stay on even ground. Women are more deceitful in "dating situations." and even though they say they are not dating others, they usually have more opportunity and will play the field more often. I find that too taxing and usually date one at a time. But I frequently, well, in the past, have found that women (LA women let's say) are not just dating to find a better match - they are dating multiples to find the best "deal" among them. When I discover this type of woman, Oh, let's call her a gold-digger for old times sake, I feel no compunction to tell the truth, but usually only lie for fun cause they won't be around me for very much longer anyway...
Here’s what Sam a 33 year old special effects wizard had to say:
I would imagine that all people lie because they are attempting to avoid confrontations that they know would arise if they told the truth. With that in mind this isn’t always a bad thing, but there is a fine line between what might be considered acceptable avoidance and deception. So, here are three examples spanning that range…
Top Three Reasons Men Lie To Women:
1) You're asked a leading question by your partner with no right answer. Example: Ex – Do you think she’s hotter than me? Am I fat? Etc…
2) You’re asked a question in which telling the truth will be to no ones benefit assuming that your actions are within reason. Example: Girlfriend “Were you drinking last night?” Guy “Yes” Girlfriend “Who were you with last night?” Guy “Mike” Girlfriend “Did you get a lap dance?” Guy “Yes”. If my girlfriend doesn’t want me drinking, hanging out with certain friends, or getting lap dances you’ll have shit to deal with, when the reality of these things is that they’re probably harmless in moderation.
3) You’re doing something devious and are totally busted like “What’s up with those charges from the Bunny Ranch” or “What are these hundreds of hours of phone calls to this number?”
More fascinating responses coming next week...
